Remember last week’s post when I so smugly claimed that running alone and being one with my mind was bliss? Well, my brain was like, “Hold my beer.”
Negativity breeds discontent
It started with a small medical issue I was having that was keeping me from running or working out. And completely forgetting that consistency is key and keeping up with all of my other habits that weren’t affected by the medical issue, I went completely off the rails and into a full mental spiral of all the negative thoughts:
I’m never going to be able to run again. (This one was after two days of not running. Two! Days!)
Why am I doing any of this?
I don’t need to get up early, none of it matters.
Everything sucks.
I suck.
The world sucks.
You get the idea. Drama-rama!
Those lovely thoughts coupled with completely going off of my nutrition plan have created so much drama in my life this last week. I’m shouting at my husband and son about the dumbest stuff. I am not journaling. I am not doing my 24-hour plan. No yoga. No strength. Just pure wallowing. And bitchiness. My stomach hurts, I am sleepy all the time, and my anxiety is through the roof!
The last straw was my husband telling me how hurt he was by how mean I was being to him, and my four-year-old flying off the handle and getting super angry over a really small thing. Nothing like the imitation of your worst traits being the mirror you need to get your shit together!
My first thought was, “I will start over on Monday,” but then my thought work kicked in. My evolved brain said, “Nope! That’s how you used to think, and then you’d be in a six-month spiral instead of one week.” It starts now.
How I’m getting back on track
Step one: Apologize to family for being an asshole. Done! (with extra hugs and kisses from both)
Step two: Prep food for the rest of the week. Done!
Step three: Set my alarm, lay out running clothes, and get my ass out there in the morning. Ready!
Step four: Make my 24-hour plan and stick to it. Ready!
I also wrote down all the horrible ways I felt off plan, off training, and off the rails so when I start that shit again (and believe me, there will be more of these episodes) I will have some ammunition to remind myself to knock off the drama! Even if I couldn’t run for medical reasons, that’s no excuse for letting the mental toddler run around the house with an open umbrella and stop every good habit I’ve cultivated. That’s the old me.
And the old me still exists, but now I know how to get the umbrella out of the hands of the toddler before all the shit gets broken.
See you on the path!
Jen
