Ep #133: How to Embrace the Suck

The reason that I’m talking about my own story here is because I know a lot of you struggle with the same thing. So I want you to know first of all, that you are not alone. And then I also wanted to share my insights about it, how I’ve worked through this, and the tool that I kind of came up with for myself, and I want to teach it to you so that you can apply it to your own running practice.

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who has never felt athletic but you still dream about becoming a runner, you are in the right place. I’m Jill Angie, a certified running and life coach and I teach women how to start running, feel confident, and change their lives, and now I want to help you.

Hey rebels. Can I just say that running has been a slog for me since the marathon? I gave myself the month of December completely off. Well, not completely off. I decided I only had to run when I really felt like it, and that was about three times.

Now, my plan was to get back into a regular schedule starting on January 1st because I have a half marathon coming up on March 29th. And for anyone who’s counting, that’s about five weeks from when I’m recording this. It’s coming up pretty soon.

And running has just felt like, ugh for me, for a couple months. And I’ve had maybe one run where I’ve had this awesome, I could do this forever feeling, and then the rest of them I just have to argue with myself to get out and do it and then I argue with myself pretty much every mile to keep going and finish.

And last week I had a seven-mile run scheduled and the first mile felt pretty good, which is kind of typical for me. Usually that first mile actually doesn’t feel like ass for me. But then after that, there was so much drama in my head. I just kept saying to myself, “Okay, you can stop at two miles and rescheduled it for another day.” And then at two miles I’d say, “Alright, one more mile then you can stop.”

And of course, I made it all seven miles by going one mile at a time, but I was resisting the whole time. And this is pretty unusual for me, like this level of drama, especially for it to just go on and on and on for weeks. So the reason that I’m talking about my own story here is because I know a lot of you struggle with the same thing.

So I want you to know first of all, that you are not alone. And then I also wanted to share my insights about it, how I’ve worked through this, and the tool that I kind of came up with for myself, and I want to teach it to you so that you can apply it to your own running practice.

So here’s what I’ve been noticing. When I have mental drama about running, I’ve been thinking like, “Ugh, more mental drama. This sucks. This shouldn’t be happening after being a runner for 22 years. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I just get it together and run?” So I have mental drama and then I think all of those thoughts. I think I shouldn’t have the drama.

And it’s basically creating more drama. And you know what? It does not feel great. I keep telling myself how terrible it is that I have these thoughts about my running, which makes me feel even more terrible. So let’s break a few things down.

Now, in years past when I would have arguments in my mind about running, I would just skip my training runs. I was like, nobody needs that. I would just not go, especially the long runs. And that’s the reason that I did not show up for my first half marathon eight years ago. I didn’t train because every time my brain threw out excuses, I was like, okay, and I just skipped my runs.

I believed my own bullshit and I just gave up. Now when those runs or when those thoughts come on my long run day, you know what I do? I get my ass out the door. Now maybe it’s a little later than I planned, but I go. And I might complain and whine and moan about it in my head, but I get it done.

And usually, I complain and whine and moan for like, the first couple miles and then I’m fine. But lately, the whining has just gone on for the entire run. But I realized, I was thinking about this recently and I realized like, wow, I used to just quit when I had drama. And so now the drama is still here because spoiler alert you guys, the drama, the desire to not run, the desire to just stay in bed, the desire to say fuck it never actually goes away. It’s just how you handle it that changes.

But I realized like, okay, maybe it’s alright that I’m throwing a temper tantrum in my head right now because I’m still going for a run. So this is progress. The version of me eight years ago that would have thrown the temper tantrum and said, “Alright, I guess we’re not running today,” to the version today that’s like, temper tantrum does not mean stay home, temper tantrum means get out there and keep going.

So I started thinking like, what if I just didn’t believe that having negative thoughts about running was a problem? Because lately I’ve been thinking like, I’ve got all these negative thoughts about my running, this is a problem. What if we didn’t believe that?

What if when my mind tosses out something like, “This sucks, let’s go home,” a thought like that, instead of me thinking I shouldn’t be thinking this – we’re going to get kind of meta here – but when my brain says this sucks, let’s go home, my immediate reaction is to say, I shouldn’t be thinking this. But what if changed that to of course I’m thinking this because I have a brain and it’s human?

Of course I’m thinking it, and that doesn’t mean I need to pack up and go home and hit the showers. One thing that marathon training taught me last year is that first of all, I am way tougher and more tenacious than I thought. Had no idea that I could run that far. But for sure, I had drama in my mind about those really long runs, especially the 18-miler. Good lord, that was just a suck-fest in my brain.

But in the moment when I was on those training runs and the moment that I said to myself, “Girl, of course you have drama. You’ve never done this before, but these are the miles you came for. This is you breaking new ground for yourself, these are the miles that matter. Now keep going, keep doing this, even if it hurts.”

When I would have that conversation with myself, I would stop bitching about it. But now, now I head out for a six or seven-mile run, I’ve done that distance a million times. It’s not new, it’s not different, it’s not outside of my comfort zone. It seems kind of short when I compare it to some of my much longer training runs.

So I think what’s happening is I’m kind of pissed at my brain for complaining about a seven-mile run because I feel entitled to believe that seven miles is a cakewalk. And then when it’s not, I’m like, “What the fuck is happening?” I get kind of pissed off.

But this is where I had to get real with myself. So I just told you at the beginning of this podcast that my December training was pretty minimal. Three training runs. No strength training to speak of. Maybe a couple half-assed workouts, but I just didn’t do much. And I was cool with that. I decided ahead of time like, I’m going to chill for the month of December.

I took a few walks around my neighborhood, but it is no wonder that in January, when I started again, when I got right back into my schedule, running felt like ass. And when it felt like ass, I told myself that it should feel better than it did. But it shouldn’t have because I didn’t really train that much in December and I expected magically that I would just start running again in January and be like a gazelle. But of course I wasn’t.

But when it felt like ass, I started telling myself, “Oh my god, you’re going to be totally unprepared for that half marathon in March.” And then when I said that to myself, I felt really discouraged because those thoughts, not super helpful, but I felt discouraged and then I didn’t show up for my training runs with any level of enthusiasm. I did the bare minimum. Sometimes less. Totally skimped on my strength training.

And guess what? Running continued to feel like ass. In my mind, I was like, it should magically be easy because I’ve got a race and I need this to be easy so I can get it done. And that right there is a problem for me. This statement that I need it to be easier so I can get it done is a lie.

I don’t need it to be easy. I want it to be easy. There’s a big difference and then I’m not getting what I want, so my brain is being a whiny little bitch about it. And guess what? Running is way more tiring when you’re complaining in your head the whole time about how tiring it is. Complaining doesn’t make it easier in any way.

So running has felt harder for the past couple of months, but when I look at my Garmin data, I know I haven’t put in my best effort. I’ve skipped a few runs here and there. I’ve skipped a few strength training workouts. So my running feels exactly the way it should feel based on how I’ve been training.

And I think this is a really important thing for everyone who’s listening who has had this thought, “It should be easier, I’ve been working so hard, why am I not making any progress,” I want you to really look at your Garmin data and say have I really been putting in my best effort or no? Have I really nailed every single workout?

And if the answer is well, I’ve skipped a few here and there and maybe my strength training, I kind of only do the first half of it and I skip the hard ones because nobody likes to do plank, be honest with yourself. Because for 99% of you, and that’s myself included, your running is going to feel exactly the way it should feel based on the level of effort you’ve been putting in.

So when I’ve been doing my long runs lately, I go one mile at a time. And it’s not like, okay, I’m just going to go another mile, it’s going to be awesome, and then I’ll just go the next mile. No, it’s like, oh god, maybe I can make it another mile. God, I hope so. It’s just been a suck-fest, right? Because all I’m doing is saying like, one more mile, I can do it, I can do another mile. And then I just whine and bitch the whole time.

Now, I’m still getting it done, not with enthusiasm, and it’s not my best effort, but I am still showing up. But it’s not really my favorite way to show up for my runs. But again, the problem here is not that running has felt hard. It’s not even that my training has been less than I know is necessary to hit my goals.

The problem is also not that my mind has been struggling. None of that is the problem. The problem is that I’ve been thinking those things are a problem. I’ve been telling myself that it’s wrong to have drama. I’ve been telling myself I should be able to talk myself out of it and shaming myself for not being able to talk myself out of it.

Isn’t that what we all think? That our brains should just relax and calm the fuck down so we can get out there and get it done? So me thinking that it should be easier mentally or physically, me thinking this should easier for me is not helpful. When I think I need my mind to settle down so I can get my run done, I feel anxious.

And when I feel anxious, my brain gets more riled up, which results in me quitting early or suffering through it the whole time, which is usually what I do. Just kind of slogging through it because when I’m complaining in my brain, I’m definitely not like, paying attention to my cadence or my running form.

And I’ll tell you what, I’ve been having some upper back issues when I run and it’s because I know my entire running form is compromised because I’m bitching in my brain and I’m looking down at the ground or pulling my phone out every half mile. I’m just not there. I’m not all there when I’m running.

So here’s what I’ve been working on as an alternative to being pissed because my brain is arguing. Instead of believing that asking myself to just get through one more mile at a time, one more mile, instead of believing that that is wrong, that it should be easier than that, I’ve shifted to, “Okay, this is one way to get through my run. Going one mile at a time and complaining and bitching.”

I’ve shifted to thinking, “Okay, one way to get through my run is to complain and bitch and just go mile to mile. And I mean, it’s working because I finished all my long training runs. It’s not my favorite way but it is one way. And honestly, it is pretty effective as far as getting the miles on my feed. I haven’t missed one yet.”

So I’ve stopped judging myself for having a cranky brain right now. I know it will settle down if I can stop expecting things to be different and just accept them as they are. And I’ve proven like, I know how to keep going when I do have a cranky brain, so yay. I’ve got that skill.

And so from all of this, I kind of created a question that I’ve been asking myself lately when I’m struggling. And that’s whether it’s running or otherwise. Because I’ve got some enormous business goals this year and they are creating some struggle in my brain because I have thoughts like, “I can’t do this. This is too hard.”

So I’ve been asking myself this particular question a lot lately, when something feels like a struggle. First, I ask myself, “What am I thinking about this situation?” I kind of get that out of my brain like, what are my thoughts about the situation? And then I say, “Okay, is believing that getting my closer to my goals? Yes or no.”

And this is a game-changer of a question, you guys. So for example, on that seven-mile run, I kept thinking I need this to be easier. This should be easier. And I was thinking it over and over again. And I’m like, what the fuck is wrong with me? I shouldn’t be having so much drama in my brain. My legs should feel more energetic.

And that was sort of my thought process about being on that training run. And then when I asked myself is believing it should be easier than it is helping me move forward to my goal, the answer is no. Believing it should be easier makes it a fuck ton harder. When all I do is focus on what I’m not happy with, I get more of what I’m not happy with. We get what we focus on.

So stewing in that thought does not help me find solutions. It just helps me continue to be miserable. It doesn’t help me understand why running feels harder. It just keeps me stuck in a loop. And then running sucks even more. So I want you to try this question out for yourself and I want you to use like, a three-step process to do this. And you can do this on running or anything that is not going in your life the way you want it to go.

So here are the three steps. The first thing I want you to do is get really clear on the circumstance. Because a lot of you are like, the circumstance is that I’m a really slow runner, or the circumstance is my husband is an asshole. Not the circumstance, you guys.

So the circumstances are things like I just ran three miles in 48 minutes, or I have a husband and he said words to me. So I want you to be as factual as possible when you clarify what is the situation, what is the circumstance. No adjectives allowed in your circumstance. No adverbs, no opinions, no descriptions, unless it’s green. Unless you’re telling about the color of something or the length of something or a distance.

But no descriptors that do not have 100% basis in facts. So first you’re going to get really clear on the circumstance. Then after you’ve gotten that defined, I want you to ask yourself what you think about it. You might have a lot of thoughts, and that’s okay. I like to do this writing it down, but this is also something that you can just kind of do in your head while you’re running.

So maybe the circumstance is I’m running and I just finished a mile in 17 minutes. And then that’s your C, and then ask your brain while you’re out there running, what do you think about this? And you might have a lot of thoughts like, I shouldn’t be so slow, I’m not making any progress, this should be easier.

And then the third part of this is ask yourself if believing those thoughts is helping you run better, is it getting you closer to the goal you want? If believing your husband is an asshole, is that helping your relationship with your husband? I don’t think so. Believing he’s an asshole just helps you see all the ways that he fits into your definition of an asshole.

So if the answer to the question, is believing this getting you closer to where you want to be, if the answer is no, that’s where your work starts. And you may say to me, “Well, I don’t know how to believe any differently,” and that’s okay. You just got to start by saying oh, that’s interesting, I have a whole thought about this and believing that thought is not getting me closer to where I want to be.

That in and of itself can often just sort of release a lot of tension and pressure in our brains because you can see like, oh okay, yeah, I can see how I’m creating this for myself. And then if you want to create a new thought, I want you to go to episode 33 of the podcast where I talk about the CTFAR model. Circumstance, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, which is the model that I use to coach all my clients.

I want you to go to that episode on and work on what do I want to believe that will lead me to feel the way I want to feel to take the action that I want to take. So ask yourself, is believing those thoughts getting me closer to where I want to be? If the answer is no, that’s where your work is going to start. That’s for sure where it starts with me.

Alright, got it? Good. Now get your ass out there and run and I will see you in the next episode.

Oh, and one last thing. If you enjoyed listening to this episode, you have to check out the Rebel Runner Roadmap. It’s a 30-day online program that will teach you exactly how to start running, stick with it, and become the runner you’ve always wanted to be. Head on over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com to join. I’d love to be a part of your journey.