Fear is one of the human biological signals that stop us dead in our tracks, telling us it’s not safe to proceed. There are lots of times our fear response serves us, but there are equally as many instances where it’s just our brains lying to us. And in order to get to the other side where our greatness lies, we need to feel the fear and fucking do it anyway.
My guest this week is a nationally recognized leadership and happiness coach who helps people prioritize their health and wellbeing so they can reach new levels in their personal and professional lives. Kim Strobel is the most joyful, uplifting, bold, and fearless person I know, but fear dictated her life for decades, and we’re here to talk about it.
Listen in this week as Kim Strobel gives us a masterclass on embracing fearlessness. She’s letting us in on her experience of living with fear, the role of our thoughts in creating bullshit fear stories, and how she’s reprogrammed her brain to stop shying away from fear and instead turn towards it.
If you enjoyed this episode, you have to check out the Rebel Runner Roadmap! It’s my 30-day learn-to-run class where I get you set up to train for a 5K! Click here to join the waitlist!
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
- Kim’s journey to happiness coaching.
- How fear used to stop Kim from living her life.
- What it’s like taking action while you’re afraid.
- The thoughts Kim uses to counteract her fear.
- Why we have to intentionally decide which thoughts we’re going to listen to.
- The power of experiencing failure.
- Why you miss out when you let fear dictate your life.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- If you have any questions you’d like answered on the show, email me at podcast@notyouraveragerunner.com
- Join the Not Your Average Runner Private Facebook Community
- Not Your Average Runner Instagram
- Kim Strobel: Website | Instagram | YouTube | Podcast
- Join Kim’s She Finds Joy Facebook group!
- Will by Will Smith
- Camino de Santiago
Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who has never felt athletic but you still dream about becoming a runner, you are in the right place. I’m Jill Angie, a certified running and life coach, and I teach women how to start running, feel confident, and change their lives. And now I want to help you.
Jill: Hey, Rebels, so I’m here with an extra special guest today. She is a nationally recognized leadership and happiness coach who helps people prioritize their health and wellbeing so they can reach new levels in both their personal and professional lives. And she really empowers others to take control of their health and their wellness and happiness with simple habits that create a work life flow.
And as you’re going to find out today, she is just the most motivational, inspirational, but also approachable person that I know. And above all else, she is super joyful. So Kim Strobel, welcome to the podcast. I’m so happy to have you here.
Kim: Oh, thank you, Jill, I appreciate that introduction. I think this conversation is just going to be really helpful to everyone. And I get excited to talk about this because I think it’s just really easy to see one version of someone.
And honestly, like when I’m standing behind the curtain, and I’m getting ready to pop out and there’s 4,000 people in the crowd and I’ve been introduced as a happiness coach, it’s like, “Oh crap.” Like 80% of those people hate me before I even come out from behind the curtain. You know, it’s like a happiness coach. What the hell? Come on, we need a–
So right away I’m like, “Look, I’m not sunshine, butterflies and sprinkles. There’s actually a story behind that.” So I can’t wait to get into that with you today.
Jill: Yes. And so I think it’s kind of funny because you’re a happiness coach. And you really are just one of the most joyful, uplifting people I know. But we’re here to talk about fear.
Kim: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because my journey to happiness coaching all started with the immense fears.
Jill: So let’s dive into that. Tell us about your journey because I look at you now and I’m like, I cannot picture this woman being even remotely afraid. You seem very bold and very fearless. But that wasn’t always the case. So tell us all the things.
Kim: Yeah. I think I can trace this back to even when I was a little girl. I look back and I can tell that I was a really anxious child. I would run outside and if I couldn’t find my brothers right away I would be running in telling my parents like, “Oh my gosh, something’s happened. They’ve been kidnapped.” I always had this really anxious personality.
So vivacious, and happy, and uplifting, and energetic, I’ve always had that. But there was always this heavy anxiety feeling that drove my life. And so I remember being in fifth grade and my parents wanted to take us to Disney World. And instead of being like, “Yay, we’re going to Disney World!” I was just full of fear.
And I told my parents, “I’m not going to Disney World unless I can have one of those leashes that I put a leash on my wrist and a leash on my two brothers so they don’t get lost at Disney World or so something doesn’t happen. And my mom’s like, “Oh my gosh, Steve, we got to get her some counseling.” These are not normal behaviors for a fifth grader.
And so, Jill, I was a highly functioning kid, I played sports, I had friends, everything was great a lot of the time. But I also silently had this thing that was constantly building in me. And about my sophomore year of high school I started having these intense episodes where out of nowhere, I would be sitting in class, or walking through the hall, or participating in basketball practice, or driving my car to the gym and literally within a half of a second, I would just be completely filled with terror.
Like the walls would start to close in. I would have feelings of unreality, like I know my name is Kim Sabelhaus and I know I’m sitting in an algebra two class but I’m really confused about where I am and who I am. I would feel like a sense of like I was losing consciousness. And long story short, from about 16 to about 22 I went completely undiagnosed.
We now know that this is panic disorder. But back then in the early 90s we didn’t know what was wrong with me and I just thought I was crazy. And so little by little, my soul that wanted to show up in this really big way, I mean, I had really big plans for my life, Jill. I was pretty much fearless. And then all of a sudden I’m scared to be by myself.
I’m scared to drive my car five minutes to Walmart. I’m 21 years old and I’m married and if my husband leaves the house I’m super nervous to be by myself. And so I really started down this really just an incredibly dark time in my life where I lost all confidence in myself.
And I got to where I was having these attacks multiple times a day. Which meant that I never trusted myself and I never trusted myself to be safe in my own body. And I just thought I was crazy. I thought I was completely broken. I did not understand why a two year old could go to Walmart and go around the aisle away from their mommy and I’m 21 years old, and my husband has to stay in my sight the whole time at Walmart in case I start to feel funny.
And so that’s kind of the fast and furious version of that part of the story. But for me, I really did have that bathroom moment. I remember being like 22 years old, not knowing what was wrong with me, thinking that I was just weak and feeble, and something was wrong with my mind.
And I don’t know if anybody’s ever had a panic attack, but the best way I can describe it, Jill, is if I were to put you on a train track, and I said, “Okay, Jill, the train is going to come at you, and it’s going to come at 400 miles per hour. And I promise you that train is going to stop one inch before it hits your body.”
And I say, “But Jill, you’re not in any danger. The train is not going to hit you. Nothing’s wrong.” You know how you would feel? It would be the biggest fear of your life, right?
Jill: I would be fucking terrified.
Kim: You would be shaking all over, trembling. Yeah. So that’s what a panic attack feels like for somebody like me. But then it’s even scarier, because my brain has nothing to attach the fear to. It doesn’t have a train coming at it, it doesn’t have someone holding a knife to my throat. And so when I can’t attach a reason why, then I feel really scared because it’s like, am I just crazy? Have I just lost my mind?
And so finally at about age 23 or so, my husband at the time had left for the day, I started– I go stand by the phone ready to dial 911 because when I would have this feeling, I would feel like I have seconds to live. And for whatever reason on that day, and I remember it so vividly. You’re a child of the 90s so you probably remember this, Jill. Do you remember when the home decor was like burgundy and forest green?
Jill: Oh god, yes.
Kim: Yeah, so everything in my house was that. So I remember that day I just, I was so exhausted. I mean, every five minutes of every damn day felt so hard to me. And I curled up on this forest green bathmat rug, I can still feel it on the side of my cheeks today. And I said, “God, I don’t have the courage to take my own life. I don’t, but I need you to take my life because I can’t do this anymore.”
And I was so sad that I didn’t want to live life. I was so sad that I was pleading for God to remove this suffering. And when I think back, I don’t know if I heard a voice, if it was just like this inner piece of Kim Strobel that finally reared up. All I know is that I somehow got the message that said, “Get up off that bathmat, because you’re not done yet. You are not done yet.”
And I ended up going to a doctor who said, “Kim, this is panic disorder. There’s nothing psychologically wrong with you, the chemicals in your brain.” He explained it all. I went to a counselor, I started doing cognitive behavioral therapy, I got on Zoloft. And, Jill, it changed my life.
Now, that being said, I was free from panic attacks for six years. And then I started to still struggle. So from about like 33 to now at 47 I still sometimes struggle. They sometimes rear their ugly head.
So am I the woman who will step on a stage a few weeks from now with 4,000 people in the crowd and totally wow that crowd? I will. But you also need to know that two days ago, I was struggling to be in the bank five minutes from my home because I thought I was going to have a panic attack.
And so I think for me, I had a relapse three years ago. I’m still trying to come out of that. But I know fear really, really well because it’s the daily part of my life sometimes.
Jill: Wow.
Kim: Here’s the difference, Jill, I feel the fear, and I just do it anyway. I am no longer going to let fear stop me from doing anything. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me, I will never go back to being the girl who stayed in her house, who couldn’t walk to her mailbox, who couldn’t drive to Walmart. I’m going to do it. And I might be super scared at times, like my motto is feel the fear– Can I cuss on here?
Jill: Yes, 100%.
Kim: Okay, feel the fear and fucking do it anyway.
Jill: I love this. Well talk to me about what that’s like, like taking action while you are afraid. Because I think a lot of folks believe that oh, I’m afraid. That means stop.
Kim: Yeah.
Jill: And it is a biological signal in our brain, fear does mean stop. And you’ve said– But not so much for you, so can you talk me through that?
Kim: Yeah, I think that almost always– almost– almost always on the other side of fear lies greatness.
Jill: Yeah.
Kim: Of course there are times when I need to listen to my fear response. But a lot of the times it’s a fake fear response. I hate to say it, but it’s a fake fear response. And it’s telling you that it’s your thoughts, right? So my thoughts when I’m sitting in the bank the other day and having this issue, my thoughts were going, “Oh my God, I’m getting ready to pass out. What happens if I don’t know where I am? I’m going to have to embarrass myself and ask for help. Are they going to have to take me to the hospital?” Just ridiculousness, right?
But I’ve had those thoughts 100 times over. And guess what? I’ve never gone to the hospital. I’ve never had to ask for help. In 30 fucking years I’ve never passed out, but I still think I might. It’s just like you have to understand what are your thoughts and that your thoughts are not always true.
Your thoughts lie to you and they tell you things that are not true. And so you have to decide which thoughts you’re going to believe and which ones you’re not. And so for me, this is what I know about my life, I know that growth only happens when I stretch myself, and I stretch myself really hard. Like I have got to learn, and I am getting there, I’ve got to learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable, Jill.
I mean, I run marathons, and you know what this is like. I mean, the shit that goes through my head from mile 21 to 26 is just ridiculous. Like, “I’m never doing this again. This is stupid. Why can’t I be the person who sits on the sideline and drinks the hot cocoa and cheers for everyone? They look a whole hell of a lot happier than me. My body is in immense pain. I don’t think I’m going to make it one more step. I feel terrible.”
But guess what? My brain goes, “Uh-huh, step. You take one more step girl. You take one more step girl. You take one more step girl.” Why? Because I know how to do hard things, Jill.
Jill: Yeah.
Kim: And we know how to do hard things. And when we can say my fear is there and it feels very real, and I’m scared. That’s a true statement. But what else is a true statement is that Kim Strobel has a strong ass track record that she freakin walks through her fears even though it hurts and it feels uncomfortable and it feels scary as hell. I feel the fear, and then I fucking do it anyway.
Jill: Yeah, I love that. So when you’re feeling scared, like let’s put you in the moment of like you’ve got something that you’re like, “Okay, this is a thing I want to do.” And maybe it’s another marathon or whatever. And you’re like, “Oh my gosh, this is a terrible idea. I’m never going to finish. I’m never going to do it. There’s no way.” And you’re feeling the fear in your body.
What are some of the thoughts that you use to counteract the fearful thoughts? What do you use? And then what emotion do you think you create from those thoughts?
Kim: Well, one of the things that’s really been sticking with me lately is I just finished, Will Smith’s book. Have you read his book?
Jill: I have not. Is this the one where he talks in depth about his sex life?
Kim: It’s the one that just came out that’s his memoir.
Jill: Yeah, I’ve just heard about it.
Kim: So I didn’t hear a ton about his sex life, but some. Yes, some. And so he tells a story at the beginning that his dad, when he was nine years old his dad had he and his brother build a brick wall and it was like unattainable. It was ridiculous, he said, for nine year olds, he made them dig the footers. Then it was like a yearlong project and he and his brother hated it. And every day after school, his dad made them work on this stupid brick wall.
And he said, it just felt overwhelming. It felt over encompassing until his dad finally said, “Will, quit focusing on the wall. I want you to focus on laying this one brick, really, really well. And then when you’re done with that, I want you to focus on the next brick and lay that really, really well.” And so Will said that once his dad shifted that perspective for him, it was totally different in the way that he saw it.
And he said even now, when he wakes up some mornings and he just feels like his life is shit and he can’t, he says, “I think all I have to do is lay one more brick.” So one thing I would tell people is think about the action that you have to take today to prepare yourself for that big lofty goal.
Secondly, one of my big goals that I’m really scared of doing right now is I want to do, it’s called the El Camino de Santiago and it’s a 500 mile walk across Spain. And it’s going to take me six weeks. And I’m the girl who can be five minutes from her house and think that’s scary.
So, for me, when I think about that big goal, I think of all the things that could go wrong, because that’s what we naturally do. Like what if I have a panic attack and I’m in Spain, and nobody can talk to me, and I can’t get back for 24 to 48 hours to my– You know, all this stuff. And then I think, wait a minute. And what I do, Jill, is I look for evidence that my thoughts aren’t true.
I have to start by looking for evidence in my life that the story I’m telling myself is a bullshit story. Has there ever been a time where I could not take care of myself? No, there hasn’t. Do I have a strong track record that says that when Kim does something she prepares and she prepares well, and she follows the program? Yes.
Have there been times when I have not been able to complete my goal? Yes, I had to stop the Louisville marathon at mile 18 because I couldn’t go anymore. Okay. Does that mean you’re a human being, Kim? Yes, it does. Have you still succeeded more than you haven’t? Yes, you have.
And so I have to talk back to my thoughts. And then I have to just know that this is going to feel uncomfortable. But it’s like when I cross that finish line after I’ve told myself for six miles that this is the stupidest thing that anybody’s ever done. And that I’m never freakin going to feel like this again. And that my body hurts so bad that I can’t even see straight. I cross that finish line and within two minutes, Jill, you know this, you’re just so full of elation, right?
Jill: Yeah.
Kim: Because when you can achieve what you thought was an achievable, it builds your confidence. And to me, it raises the ceiling for something else that I didn’t think was possible in my life that I now know is possible.
Jill: I love that.
Kim: So you can’t just say, “Oh, I’m not going to feel fearful. I’m going to feel confident.” Okay, your mind won’t believe that. So feel those feelings, and then talk back to those feelings with clear evidence, believable evidence that you have that says actually my chances of achieving this are much greater than what I gave myself credit for.
Jill: Yeah. I love to tell myself, when I’m afraid of something I love to tell myself like, “Yeah, it’s pretty normal to feel afraid. This is a big deal.” And then just be like, “Yeah, okay, so I feel afraid. And so what?” I’m still going to do the thing. And I love to reassure my brain that like, “Yeah, of course you’re scared. You’ve never done this thing before. Let’s go.”
Kim: Yeah, I think you have to name it and notice it.
Jill: Yeah.
Kim: If you try to push it away, that makes it grow. So what you’re feeling is normal. For anybody who’s listening who’s like, “Oh, I want to do this really big thing, but I’m scared shitless.” Well, who the hell wouldn’t be scared shitless to do a 100 mile ultra-marathon? Who in their right mind wouldn’t be scared shitless? But honey, that’s normal, so feel scared shitless and then start prepping, and do the training, and follow the program and see what happens.
Jill: Yeah. And I almost like to look at fear as like, okay, this is evidence that my brain is operating as designed. Nothing has gone wrong when I’m afraid. It’s like, oh, I’m about to do this big thing. If I wasn’t afraid, maybe I’d be a little worried about that.
Kim: Yeah. And this is what I say, for lack of a better word, fear motivates the hell out of me. It does, right?
Jill: Yeah.
Kim: Because I’m like, I’ve got to overcome this fear. I have got to work with this. Life is too big and too grand and Shawn Achor, of course I follow a lot of the happiness research and all of that. But Shawn Achor says that most human beings are only using 10% of their potential, Jill. You know why? Because most human beings would rather stay safe on their lily pad, than grow and stretch themselves and put themselves in the uncomfortable zone.
But for those of us who put ourselves in the uncomfortable zone, we get so much further than the ones who stay safe. Do we fall more than they fall? You bet because they’re not going anywhere. They’re on their lily pad, they’re just staying comfortable. And that’s okay for some people. That’s okay, but I just know my soul would never be happy on the lily pad. My soul is happier if I jump in and drown a few times along the way, but at least I tried.
Jill: Yeah, exactly. Well, and I think fear and failure, people get them confused. They think, “Oh, if I’m afraid that means I’m probably going to fail.” Or there’s also a fear of like, if I fail that’s the worst thing ever. And so can you kind of speak to the role that failure has had in your life and kind of creating the success that you’ve had?
Kim: Yeah, I think that part of it is just accepting that we are going to have failures This is, again, a natural part of life. And so if I’m really engaged in life, if I’m really living life, then I’m going to have some failures. And a failure feels awful, right?
I remember, I had done like eight marathons and then I did this one and stopping at mile 18, I felt like a piece of dirt. Like Kim Strobel never freakin stops, she never even walks, personally. I always run the entire marathon. And so I felt really awful and embarrassed. I was embarrassed.
So, again, I just think but what did that failure do for me? First of all, it made me realize that I wasn’t taking care of my body in some other ways that I needed to. Secondly, I decided that marathon running every year is ridiculous for me at 47. And I want my body to feel better so I’m only going to run a marathon every 10 years. But I’m going to still do my running.
And so I just feel like for us, I don’t want to say we need to normalize failure, but we kind of do. I was just coaching somebody on this the other day, it’s like as women why do we always wait until we think we have it all figured out to take action in our life? So I would rather you take action and possibly fail, than wait till you think you’re freakin ready to take action. Because we miss out on all these opportunities.
And so a growth mindset, which is something else that I teach, means that you understand that there’s risk involved and that you’re going to have to tap into things like perseverance. You’re going to have to tap into some freakin grittiness, you may encounter failure, because you’re pushing yourself to do something really uncomfortable.
But you still have to do it. Because not doing it at all, if you think about how does that feel in your soul, most of us who are doing this, we’re like, “That’s not a feasible answer for us, either.” I mean, Jill, I failed terribly at my first marriage. I failed terribly at a couple of jobs that I did. I have sometimes failed as a daughter or a mother.
This is just part of being a human freakin being. So can we just, one, give ourselves a little grace along the way. And two, say I’m still going to keep showing up and taking little right actions towards how I want to show up in the world.
I ask myself that question every day, who’s the Kim Strobel that’s showing up today? Because I’m going to embody that version of her today. And what does she do? I’ll tell you what she does. She wakes up and she writes her gratitudes every day. Then she writes her affirmations. Then she takes her five mile run. Then she gets ready to work. That’s who Kim Strobel is.
So you have to recreate that identity and make sure it matches up with the vision of what you have for your life and understanding you’re going to fail. But I’d rather fail higher than not even try at all.
Jill: Yeah, I completely agree. I mean, I just think back like my life has been one big failure after another and I’m sitting here with my own business. And I feel like if I hadn’t been willing to fail as much as I have, I wouldn’t be running my own company now.
Kim: I know.
Jill: I think that people believe that, oh, if you’re going to be successful that it’s a straight line. And so when I was younger, when I was in school, before I went to college, I didn’t have any issues with learning or everything was easy. So I didn’t have to study, I didn’t have to work, I never failed. I never failed a test in my life. And then I went to college, I went to an engineering school, it was a really hard school. And I didn’t know how to study because I never had to. And oh my god, the failures. The literal failures.
Kim: Absolutely.
Jill: And I just remember those few years as being such a learning experience because I recognized that like, oh, it’s okay if you fail because you could just take the class over again, or you can study harder. I feel like it set me up for success to learn that you can fail and not die. Like you fail a test, all right. And what are you going to do about it, right?
Kim: Yeah.
Jill: And I just think that when you expect that everything should be easy, and if it’s hard and that if you’re not going to be good at it right away, if you expect that you should just not be doing it, you’re just missing out on so much.
And my personal trainer, she’s so funny. We’ve been working together for about a year and she’s taught me a bunch of different moves that I absolutely suck at them every single time. And she won’t let me give up. She’s like, “No, you’re going to do it again.” And I appreciate that so much because what it’s taught me in the field of sport is just like, hey, it’s okay, if you can’t nail that squat or whatever thing she’s trying to teach me.
There are some that it’s taken me weeks and weeks and weeks before I’ve even gotten halfway to the right type of form. And it’s just, it’s been such a beautiful gift. I’m like, oh, so failing makes me better. Wait, what? Failing makes me better.
Kim: It does.
Jill: So powerful.
Kim: It’s like that man in the arena quote by Teddy Roosevelt.
Jill: Yes.
Kim: You have to put yourself in the arena. And if you’re going to put yourself in their arena, you’re going to get beat up, you’re going to get kicked, you’re going to get dust, you’re going to have blood, you’re going to have all this. But being in their arena and getting beat up and failing, at least you’re failing while striving greatly versus sitting on the sidelines passively.
And I think one of the things that we have to learn to embrace, Jill, is this idea of productive struggle. And so the analogy that I like to use that helps me a lot is, I mean, I’m a former fourth grade teacher. And so every year we would have these caterpillars that would be sent to the class so that we could go through metamorphosis and watch the caterpillars emerge into butterflies.
And I don’t know if you’ve ever watched that, I can’t remember now if it’s 14 days or 21 days, but it’s freakin grueling. Those caterpillars, every day they’re trying so hard. And they’re making like no headway. And you’re just like, “Oh my gosh.” And I remember wanting to take like a little safety pin, and just put a teeny tiny little slit just to help the poor little thing at least get a little bit of traction. Or take my scissors and cut off the end of the cocoon.
But if you do that, if you don’t let the caterpillar fail day after day, because it does, it fails day after day. It just keeps trying. It’s productively struggling in the cocoon. If you help it at all, it will be born with deformed wings and it will die almost immediately.
And so, for me, I think about that caterpillar has endured 14 days of freaking grueling, productive struggle. But at the end of that struggle emerged as this beautiful butterfly that has the strength to flap its wings and fly away.
And so when I look through a lot of the hard crap in my life, and sometimes I kind of talk to Jesus, I’m like, “Okay, dude. Jesus, next time in my life let’s just not make it so fucking hard. I really know how to do hard things and I’m over it.”
I also know that every freakin hard thing I’ve had to do, is exactly why, Jill, you see me as this really bold freakin version of myself, which I am. But I also still have vulnerabilities and that’s okay. But I’m going to tell you, the version of me that sits in front of you is a result of all the clusterfucks of my life.
Jill: Yeah. Well, and also I think people have a mistaken belief that like, oh, okay, if I do this really hard thing, then suddenly my life’s going to be easy. Suddenly I’m not going to be afraid anymore. I’m like, no, no, you’re just going to be able to take on a harder thing. But you’re still going to have fear, you’re still going to have doubt. And that’s okay. That’s the human experience.
Kim: Yeah.
Jill: No, go ahead.
Kim: Well if I can relate it back to running, I mean, right now my long run is like 10 miles on Friday. And I know without a doubt I can do that. But, Jill, every day when I run, every day, the first mile or so my brain goes, “Gosh, I don’t think you’re going to make it. This feels really hard today.” I’ve been running for 20 some years, 40 miles a week, okay? And my brain will still be like, “Your legs don’t feel good.” And then after like two or three miles, my body gets acclimated, it becomes easier.
But I have strong evidence now that says, this is just part of it and you don’t have to believe your thoughts, because those thoughts are bullshit. And you’ll get there. And so you know what I mean? We have to understand that the talk in our head that talks back to us, that there are only thoughts and thoughts are not facts.
Jill: Yes, 100%. Thoughts are not facts.
Kim: Yeah, and so talk back to them.
Jill: Yeah, I love that so much. And I like to write my thoughts down on paper. Because when I hear them in my head I’m like, “Oh, that’s clearly true.” And then I write it down on paper I’m like, “What? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
So it is very true that your thoughts are just– I mean, I like to say that we’re all delusional. We’re all just like walking around in the delusion of our own creation, and why not create a delusion that works for you?
Kim: Yeah, I mean, here’s what the research says about thoughts. If you’re an average human being, you’re having about 70,000 thoughts a day. If you’re an average human being, what we know is that 80% of your thoughts in a day’s time are negative. Which means that when you put your head down on the pillow at night, most of us have had 56,000 negative thoughts.
Why is that? Well, it actually goes all the way back to archaic times to caveman and cave woman times. We have this thing in our brain called the amygdala. And the amygdala’s number one job is to scan for negativity and danger in our life to protect us. Because back then, every waking hour their brain had to scan for the saber toothed tiger, for the storm that would come in and literally freeze them to death. Would they have shelter? Would they have a water source?
The issue is, is it’s 2021, 2022, we still have an amygdala and it still works that way. They’re negative thoughts that are meant to protect us, but they’re not true. And they’re not always needed or valid. And so what we have to do is create a new neural feedback loop in the brain that says, “Okay, here’s that crazy ass thought I’m having.” Because it’s there. “But I’m going to choose a new thought.”
See, that’s the power that we have, Jill, that we get to go, “Oh, well, there’s my crazy thinking again. All right, that feels yucky, but okay, I’m going to choose a different thought.”
Jill: Yeah, I love that. So what are some of the different thoughts? Like if you could hand some of your thoughts to somebody else, what are like three of your favorite alternative thoughts?
Kim: Oh yeah. So one of my favorite things that I’m repeating to myself right now is that Kim is capable in all situations. I’m capable in all situations, that’s one of my thoughts.
Jill: I love that.
Kim: One of my thoughts that I write every single day so that I really put it into my brain, it’s one of my affirmations, I say I am honoring my fierceness because I’m a fierce woman, Jill. But I also love and accept my vulnerabilities. Because I think that too many times we try to push our weaknesses aside and stomp them out, instead of being kind to them and saying like, “I am this really strong, badass woman in many ways, but I also can be kind to the parts of myself that still struggle.”
And then another thought that I use, I mean, I’m really big on to affirmations. I write 12 affirmations every single day because I want to rerun these loops in my brain. But one of them is my success is inevitable. My success is inevitable and I am always on the right track.
Jill: I love that.
Kim: Yeah.
Jill: I love that one.
Kim: And then I have them up by my mind mirror. I have a couple of them up by my mirror so that I see them in the mornings.
Jill: That’s so good. I love it, I absolutely love that.
Kim: We have to reprogram our brains.
Jill: Yeah, right, it’s like we’ve programmed them with the fear thoughts. So we know that it works, we know that the programming works. So literally let’s just use that pre-existing mechanism and just kind of re-purpose it for something new. Yeah, I love that.
Kim: Yeah. And we have to start, as women– The research says that a woman will not apply for a job unless she has about 95% of the skill set. A man will apply for the job if he only has 25% of the skill set. Because for years and years and years women have learned or felt like perfection is the only way they can achieve something.
And what I want every woman to understand is that you’re missing out on 90% of your potential and damn it, you know you have it, I know you have it, Jill knows you have it. You better bring that shit to the surface because we need it. We need you to push yourself. We need you to bring those versions of yourself. We need you to step in the arena to prove to yourself that you are so much more capable than you previously thought possible.
Jill: Oh yeah. And ask yourself, “Would a man apply for this job?” And if the answer is yes, then apply for it.
Kim: Yeah, I mean, these men only need to think that they’re 25% capable and they go for it.
Jill: Right.
Kim: So it’s like, anything in your life, if you think you’re 25% capable I’m going to tell you to go for it.
Jill: Yes, exactly. I love that. I absolutely love that. So this has been amazing. Your philosophy aligns very, very closely with mine when it comes to not believing our thinking and so forth. And I just love how you have tied it into turning fear on its head, right? Because I think fear can be a good thing, rather than something to shy away from.
So as we leave this conversation, what is maybe one piece of advice that you would give to somebody who is just feeling a lot of fear and it’s blocking them from getting what they want in life?
Kim: I would honestly just tell them to say to themselves, “Feel the fear, and do it anyway.”
Jill: Yeah.
Kim: I really would, feel it. Feel the fear, and then just freakin do it anyway. You have to make yourself do hard things, you have to. And I always say, again, on the other side of fear lies greatness.
Jill: Yeah.
Kim: It really does. The most beautiful things have come out of my suffering with fear. People say how did you launch your own business and leave a stable curriculum directors job and not have insurance and not have– I said, because fear and I, I know fear intimately. So that’s not freaking hard at all compared to other things I’ve had to endure.
Jill: Yeah. I just love that. So feel the fear, do it anyway because on the other side lies greatness. I love this.
Kim: Yes.
Jill: So good. So how can people get more of you? I know you have a podcast, you have an amazing podcast.
Kim: You’ve been on my podcast.
Jill: Yes.
Kim: So my podcast is the same name as my free Facebook group, which has about 4,000 women in it. And it’s called, She Finds Joy. And so, again, it’s about overcoming hard things while also reaching for joy along the way. And then my website is kimstrobel.com.
Jill: I love that. Kimstrobel.com, easy peasy.
Kim: Oh, my Instagram.
Jill: Yes.
Kim: Jill, dear lord, help me with my Instagram. You have a great Instagram, I’ve been sucking at Instagram. I guess you’d say I’ve been failing at Instagram, right?
Jill: I love it.
Kim: So I’m working on it, but it’s Kim Strobel joy. And I saw yours the other day and I’m like, “Oh my god, she has all these followers.” Okay, see, there you go. I’m like Jill has got me motivated, I got to get going on my Instagram.
Jill: All right, so Kim Strobel joy, is your Instagram. Your website is kimstrobel.com. And you’ve been a speaker for a long time, do you have like a YouTube channel where people can see your speaking or anything like that?
Kim: Well, I do on my website, there’s a couple. I do have a YouTube channel that people say they find it and they go down that rabbit hole with all my speaking stuff. I don’t even know what it is, Jill. But people are always like– I’m like, “How did you find me?” When they ask me to be a keynote speaker. They’re like, “Well, I got on the internet. And then I watched this video of you. Then I saw another video of you.” And I’m just like–
So yes, there’s a bunch of YouTube videos. I don’t even know what the channel is, Jill.
Jill: Oh, that’s so funny.
Kim: I’ll find out for you and send it to you.
Jill: Yeah, go to youtube.com and just search for Kim Strobel. And I’m sure that you’ll come up. I love that. And then make sure that you listen to Kim’s podcast, She Finds Joy, because it’s a really fun podcast to listen to.
Kim: Thank you.
Jill: Yeah, so thank you so much for joining me here today, this was so fun.
Kim: You’re welcome, I love this conversation. Thanks for having me.
Jill: Yeah, same.
Oh, and one last thing, if you enjoyed listening to this episode, you have to check out the Rebel Runner Roadmap. It’s a 30 day online program that will teach you exactly how to start running, stick with it, and become the runner you’ve always wanted to be. Head on over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com to join. I’d love to be a part of your journey.
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