This week, I’m revisiting one of the most listened-to episodes of the podcast called How to Coach Yourself. Whether you’re new and just jumping in here, or you’ve been a long-time listener, I promise, you are going to hear something today that will be a complete game-changer for you.
I learned this coaching model over 10 years ago, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it transformed my entire life.
I quit my job, started my own business, left my marriage, found love again, wrote three books, and helped thousands of women start running – just to name a few – all thanks to this model. So you can believe me when I say this is the most powerful tool you need in your life.
Join me this week as I give you the secret to the universe in the form of this coaching model. Using it will highlight exactly why you might be struggling in any area of your life, and show you the way forward toward creating a different reality, and it works every single time.
For this Black Friday weekend only, you can sign up for the January class of the Rebel Runner Roadmap at a huge discount! Grab it for 50% off from 8am to 2pm Eastern on Friday, and for 25% after that until Sunday night!
What You’ll Learn From This Episode:
- What the coaching model consists of.
- The truth about what we can and can’t control.
- How to discern between a circumstance and a thought.
- Why our results will always show us what our thoughts are.
- How understanding the coaching model will always put you in control of your results.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- If you have any questions you’d like answered on the show, email me at podcast@notyouraveragerunner.com
- Join the Not Your Average Runner Private Facebook Community
- Not Your Average Runner Instagram
- Ep #25: Get Your Brain in Shape with Brooke Castillo
- Ep #33: How to Coach Yourself
- Brooke Castillo
- Grab this free PDF cheat sheet on how to use the model!
Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who has never felt athletic but you still dream about becoming a runner, you are in the right place. I’m Jill Angie, a certified running and life coach, and I teach women how to start running, feel confident, and change their lives. And now I want to help you.
Hey, Rebels, what is shaking? I am feeling fantastic today. It is November, my favorite month of the year because, duh, it’s my birthday month. Shout out to all of my November birthday sisters. We for sure have the best birthday month, I know this for a fact. 100%, there is no doubt in my mind. And you all know who you are, so hey.
But I also love November because all the leaves are turning everything just looks amazing. And then we have December right around the corner where we might even get a little snow, I love snow. And then it’s January 1 and it’s a brand new year.
And even though I don’t think you ever have to wait until New Year’s Day to start something new, it’s still, I don’t know, it’s just still a very fun and exciting time to me and especially because Andy and I, before Covid started, we had a new tradition where we would go to the beach on New Year’s Day, run a 5K, and then run into the Atlantic Ocean.
Which is very exhilarating. And I’m pretty sure we’re going to do it again this year. We had to miss last year thanks to the Rona, but we’re going to do it again this year. And it’s just an amazing way to start the year off. So yeah, fall rocks. This the best season ever. Don’t even get me started on pumpkin spice lattes, I will fight you. They are the best.
Anyway, another reason that I love November is Black Friday. So I have so many good memories of Black Friday when I was a kid. Do you shop on Black Friday? When I was a kid in the 70s, my mom– So I was born in the mid-60s and when I was like elementary school age, junior high, or I guess they call it middle school now.
But in the 70s, my mom and I, we would get up early on Friday morning, we would get to the mall around 8am, right when it opened. Which makes me laugh now because it’s like it opens on Thursday night. But we would get their 8am, coupons in hand. We would grab all of the best deals at Sibley’s and McCurdy’s. And my Rochester Gen X-ers will totally remember these stores. It was the best, I have such great memories.
And now, of course, you can get Black Friday deals for like two weeks before the actual holiday. The stores open on Thursday night, it’s crazy. One year I did the midnight shopping where I took a nap after dinner and then met a friend. This is when I lived out near Philly, and we met at the I think it was the Limerick outlets. And it was the first year they opened at midnight.
So we got up and we got our Starbucks and we went and we shopped the Limerick outlets and it was fun. I’m never doing it again. I mean I’m not really a fan of crowds to begin with unless it’s at the start or finish line of a race or a rock concert. I’m all in for that. But otherwise, going shopping amongst hordes of people who are just looking for deals, no thank you. No, especially with Covid everywhere. Just nope, not going to do it.
And I mean honestly, I’m more of an online shopper nowadays anyway. So on Black Friday I’ll be stalking my favorite places for the sales. I have heard that Skirt Sports, Athleta, Roadrunner Sports are all going to have big sales this year, maybe even Brooks. So I will be all about that.
But this year, I’m actually doing something I’ve never ever done before on Black Friday. I am having my own sale. Like what? I’m having my own sale. It’s true, this is a thing now. The next Rebel Runner Roadmap starts in January and this weekend only, Black Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you can sign up for the January class, it’s like a pre-sale, at a huge savings.
So from 8am to 2pm Eastern on Friday, you can get it for literally half off the 2022 price. And then after that the price goes up a little, but it’s still 25% off the 2022 price. So if you’re listening to this, on Black Friday weekend and you’ve been stalking the roadmap, head on over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com, just hit pause on the podcast, go over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com, join now.
The sale starts Friday morning at 8am Eastern. It is half off for that first six hours and then it’s 25% off after that until Sunday night. The actual class starts on January 18th. But anybody that joins this weekend is going to get some bonus stuff between now and then to help you get ready. So it’s like a triple win. So go on over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com, you can sign up for the Black Friday deal over there.
And okay, we’re going to dive into today’s topic. And this is like the second in a series, I guess. Somebody wrote into the podcast a couple weeks ago and asked if I could revisit some topics from way back when the podcast started, like four years ago. We’ve been podcasting together for four years. Oh my goodness.
So anyway, today I’m going to revisit episode 33, which is one of the most listened to episodes. But if you’ve been listening from the beginning, that was four years ago, you may have forgotten it. Or you might be just jumping in right now and you’re not one of those people that starts in the beginning. So we’re going to go back and revisit episode 33.
And even if you’ve listened to that episode before, I want you to listen today and be here to hear something new or maybe hear it in a different way and maybe it’ll resonate differently. And the topic from episode 33 is how to coach yourself. So I’m actually going to teach you how to coach yourself today. Isn’t that fun?
So I use this process with my clients in the Rebel Runner Roadmap and in Run Your Best Life all the time, it has been life changing for them. They’re more consistent with their running, they’re able to shift their negative self-talk to a much nicer place. They’re setting bigger and bigger goals and accomplishing them. It’s amazing. And they’re learning to stop being assholes to themselves, as the inner mean girl is much quieter when you know this coaching model.
And if you’ve downloaded this podcast because you thought I was going to teach you how to be your own running coach, I have good news and bad news. So the bad news is I’m not going to teach you how to create a training plan for yourself today. But the good news is I’m going to teach you how to give yourself a pep talk. How to motivate yourself, how to make yourself feel better about your running and your life.
Because you can find a training plan anywhere. You can find a coach anywhere to help you tweak it. But what is missing from most running programs, and frankly, from most running coaches, this is not their specialty, is the guidance on how to shift your thinking. And most of you know what to do, but actually getting yourself to do it is a different story. That is the big mystery.
And I hear this all the time I know what to do, I just can’t make myself do it. Or maybe you are really good at getting yourself to do your workouts, but then after each one you’re in a pit of despair because you’re not getting the results you want. And then that makes running feel like a chore or a job. And when you feel that way it’s really hard to stick with it.
So the kind of coaching I’m going to teach you today is way more valuable than just making your own training plan because I am literally going to give you the secret to the universe. I am not even slightly kidding about this. The coaching model that I use is going to show you exactly why you struggle and help you create a different reality. Okay, I’m not joking.
It is not just about motivating yourself to go for a run. It’s about becoming the person, the version of you that can achieve whatever you want. That is a pretty powerful thing. Now, this coaching model consists of five elements and it was taught to me by Brooke Castillo, who I actually interviewed on episode 25.
I trained with Brooke many years ago like almost 10 years ago, and it literally changed everything for me. I quit my job. I started my own business. I left my marriage. I started dating again at age 49. I married the man of my dreams. I wrote three books. I created this podcast. I’ve helped literally thousands of women start running. I’ve done triathlons and half marathons and ragnar relays and mud runs, just like all kinds of epic adventures. And all of that in my plus size body, thanks to learning this coaching model 10 years ago.
And I’ve talked about this model on the podcast quite a bit, but I haven’t really broken it down in detail too much since episode 33. So we’re going to do that again today. How the model works, how the framework works so that you can use it on yourself.
And don’t worry, you do not need to be taking notes right now, unless you’re at home and you’re not driving and you’re not running. In which go ahead, get some paper and pen, take some notes. But I do have a cheat sheet for you that you can grab at my website. So just go ahead right now listen to the podcast. At the end, I’m going to tell you exactly where you can get the cheat sheet download.
So here’s the deal. The coaching model, like I said, consists of five elements. And those elements are circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. And I’m going to go through each of them in detail and then show you how they relate to each other.
So the first thing we’re going to talk about is a circumstance. And this is a really important concept for everyone to get because circumstances, they’re things outside of our control in the present moment. Things like what other people do or say, or the weather, or how fast you ran your last 5K. Literally just facts, data, information. Our past, right, that’s another thing that’s outside of our control. It is a circumstance it’s done, it happened, we cannot change it.
And what happens is that there are circumstances in our world and our brain gets confused and thinks we can control or change these things. Or our brain thinks that our circumstances are the source of our problems. Your brain is going to put a lot of effort into doing that, especially controlling other people. Your brain loves to think about how other people should act differently.
I feel like this is 90% of what’s on Facebook, people telling other people how they should be different, right? And unfortunately, we can’t control other people. And I know you know this logically, right? You’re not stupid. You know this logically, but your brain is going to try to tell you otherwise.
So let me give you an example. You might think if you are nice to somebody that they will be nice back to you. This is how things are supposed to work, right? And this actually is a way of trying to control other people. And I know it sounds kind of harsh for me to say that but doing something so that somebody will act a certain way back to you is straight up manipulation.
Sometimes we call it people pleasing. But it literally is your brain trying to manipulate other people into liking you or doing something for you or doing something a certain way. And of course, that always backfires because we can’t actually control other people. We can’t.
We are constantly trying to alter ourselves and alter the way we show up in the world so that other people will think certain things about us and behave a certain way towards us. And again, it always backfires because we can’t control other people’s behaviors, we can’t control their thoughts no matter how hard we try. But our brains don’t know that. Our brains are kind of dumb.
As complex and powerful as our brains are, they’re also a little dumb, because they think that’s how it works, right? If I behave a certain way, so and so is going to act this way back towards me, and everything’s going to be great and I’m going to be happy. And it’s frustrating because it never works that way.
But there’s good news in all of that. Because we can’t control our circumstances, we can’t control other people, we can’t change our past, but what we can control is our own thinking. And this concept is actually not something we’re taught in school, which is a big shame because it really is the secret to the universe. And I think it would save so much pain and suffering for all of us.
But there are so many people in pain over things that are circumstances in their lives and they think that that’s what’s causing their pain. But they always have the option to think, feel, and behave differently. They don’t think they do because they think, “Oh, the circumstance is controlling my life. This fact or piece of data in my world is the reason I’m suffering.”
So, for most of the time that’s actually not the case, it is your thinking. So we’re going to dive into how the next part of the model, which is your thoughts and how to change your thinking now.
So we’ve talked about the first part, which is the circumstance. Part one of the model is the circumstance, part two is your thought. And there’s a big difference between those two.
Our brain confuses it all the time. Our brain thinks our thoughts are all true. But a circumstance is something that is actually irrefutably true. If you asked every one of the like 8 billion people on the planet, and they all agree, then yes, it’s a circumstance. Otherwise, it’s a thought.
So if there were actually a way to go ask every person on the planet if they agreed on something and they all say yes, that’s the situation, we all concur. Then you can call it a circumstance. If the question is, is it raining? And every single person on the planet says yes, because we’re in some weird alternate universe where you can have 8 billion people all in the exact same spot. And they all say, yes, it’s raining. Then yes, it’s true. It’s a circumstance. But if anybody disagrees, then it’s just a thought.
I know, that’s kind of a weird way to say it, but I promise it’s going to become clearer, so just stick with me. So second part of the model is thoughts. And this is where we give meaning to our circumstances. All right, circumstances are neutral on their own. I’m going to just let that sink in for a moment.
Every circumstance is neutral, okay. And we give them meaning through our thoughts. And thoughts are our beliefs, our opinions, our judgments. They are sentences that you say in your mind. Sometimes we’re aware of them, most often we’re not. And they’re sort of this background noise of thinking that’s going on that we’re really not paying attention to a lot of the time.
And so very often we confuse our thoughts and our circumstances. For example, if you have the thought, “I am a slow runner.” You might think, “Oh, well, that’s just a fact.” And many people might agree that the pace that you run is slow, but not everybody would. And so that’s what makes it an opinion.
So most people would agree that saying I’m a slow runner is just a statement of reality, but it’s not. The reality, the circumstance part of it is how long it took you to go from point A to point B. And then your opinion is that it’s slow. Your thought about the circumstance is that I’m a slow runner.
The circumstance, the time it took you to go the distance is totally neutral. It’s just a fact hanging out there in the world and you make it mean something. In this case, you make it mean that you’re a slow runner with your thinking. Because not everybody would agree on what qualifies as slow. In fact, if you go to the dictionary, there’s no definition for what pace of running is slow and what’s fast. It’s not there, it doesn’t exist.
So the example, the circumstance might be that you can do a mile in 15 minutes. That’s the data, that’s the fact, that’s the circumstance. And then you have a thought, “That is really fucking slow.” But somebody else might have the thought, “Damn, that’s really fast.” Or, “I wish I could run that fast.” It all depends on your belief system and your past experience.
The circumstance is neutral and your opinion is what creates the meaning. And here’s where it starts to get really fun, because the root problem, you guys, of almost every problem we have in our lives is not the circumstance. It is our thinking. It is always the way we think about it, and that is the problem. The problem is what we think about neutral circumstances.
So I really want you to let that sink in. Just take a moment. Your problem is not your running pace, but rather your thoughts about your pace. Like, boom, right? Mind explosion. Now, I know that there are actually a lot of you arguing with me right now in your head. You’re like, “Stop it. My pace is my pace, and it’s slow, and that is the problem.” And I promise you that is not the problem.
Your problem is that you’re creating a story in your head about what it means that you ran a 15 minute mile, or a 12 minute mile, or a 17 minute mile, or whatever. So keep listening, stay with me here. I promise it’s all going to make sense.
Now, when we have a thought about a circumstance, that thought generates a feeling. And this is number three, part three of our model. Feelings are one word that describes an emotion like sad, or mad, or happy, disappointed, elated, excited, motivated, defeated. Those are all one single word that describe an emotion.
Emotion is a vibration that we feel in our body in response to a thought. So when I say feeling, that’s what I mean. Okay, I mean, an emotion. So we have a thought about a circumstance and that thought drives a feeling. And the thought always comes first.
You may think that you have a feeling in response to a circumstance and then you have a thought about the feeling. That’s not how it works. Circumstance exists, we have a thought about it, and that thought creates a feeling. And that feeling might be happy, sad, whatever it is. And then that feeling that we experience drives the next part of the model, which is actions.
Actions or inaction, like lack of action I also consider that part of the action line of the model. So we either take action or we avoid taking an action as a result of our feeling. So you might notice the feeling before you realize you’re having the thought, but the thought always happens first. Because remember, I said sometimes thoughts are just happening in our brain and when we’re not paying attention.
And here’s the really juicy part, those feelings drive your actions. So the fourth part of the model is actions. Everything that we do in life, the actions we take or don’t take are driven by a feeling we’re having, or the desire to avoid a feeling that we’re having. And our actions create our results.
And this is the fifth and final part of the model. The accumulation of all the actions that you take gives you the results you get in life. So feelings drive actions, we take a bunch of either actions or inactions, which is the avoidance of action. And that creates our results.
So basically, this is how it works, things happen in the world, circumstances, those are neutral. We have thoughts about the circumstances. Those thoughts drive an emotion, a feeling in our bodies. And that feeling drives either an action or an inaction, and that ultimately gives us your result.
So it’s C-T-F-A-R. Circumstance, thought, feeling, action, result. And guess what, the result almost always proves the original thought true. Like almost always.
So I’m going to try an example with you. Let’s say that the circumstance is that you just finished your first 5K in 45 minutes. So that’s the data, you cross the finish line, the clock says 45 minutes and zero seconds. And then you have thoughts about it, right? Of course, many thoughts.
And those thoughts could be anything from, “Yay, I finished it, woo-hoo!”
to, “Damn it, I’m so fucking slow.” And everything in between. There’s a million and one thoughts that you could have in response to that data of finishing a 5K in 45 minutes.
Now, if you choose the thought, “Yay, I finished!” You are likely going to feel very pleased, very excited. The emotion in your body is going to be happy, excitement, maybe a little bit proud. And the circumstance is you ran 5K in 45 minutes. You think, “Yay, I finished!” And you feel excited. You don’t feel excited because of the circumstance, you feel excited because of your thought about it.
And then when you feel excited, you’re more likely to take the action of continuing to run, continuing to train for races. And then the result of all of those actions is finishing more races. So you think “Yay, I finished!” You feel excited, you train more, and you finish more races. Now that’s kind of fun, right?
Now, let’s try a different thought. The circumstance is the same. Same exact thing, finished a 5K in 45 minutes flat. You have a thought, “Damn it, I’m so fucking slow.” And when you think that thought, what do you feel? I don’t know, frustrated, discouraged, disappointed, angry, embarrassed.
And when you have those emotions, when you feel discouraged, angry, frustrated, are you more or less likely to go out there and keep training? Well, the answer is you’re less likely to run consistently. And when you’re not running consistently, guess what? You don’t get faster. And that really proves your original thought of damn it, I’m so fucking slow, right?
So when you start with a thought that’s super judgmental about your pace, you create a result of not getting any faster. It works like magic every time. So this really is the take home message from today. In both situations, same circumstance, different thought. In both of those situations, our thinking is what’s creating the result, the ultimate result.
The circumstance stays the same. The thoughts we have about it drive everything. And when you have these thoughts it gets you into a cycle of either being more consistent with your running because you’re thinking yay, I finished and you’re feeling excited and then you’re getting better at it. Or being inconsistent with your running because you’re thinking damn it, I’m so slow, and you’re feeling discouraged. And that blocks you from training more.
And this is so, so important for runners to understand because so often my clients come to me and they’re like, “I don’t know, I’m just not motivated. I just can’t get it together.” And it’s like, “Well, it’s because you keep thinking the thought I’m not motivated.”
When you think that thought, “I’m not motivated,” you feel what? Discouraged, unmotivated. And when you feel those emotions, you don’t go out and run. You run less, right? And then of course, you’re less motivated.
So the motivation comes from your thinking. Motivation is not like the weather, it just doesn’t roll in like a cold front. It comes from your thinking, you create that shit yourself.
So if you’re trying to give yourself a pep talk, it starts with figuring out what are you thinking that’s making you feel shitty? That’s making you feel unmotivated? That’s making you feel discouraged? What are you thinking and how can you think differently to make you feel more excited, more motivated, more determined, more committed?
And this is a really powerful thing to understand because it puts everything within your control. Because it means when you run a race, no matter what your finish time was, you get to feel however you want to. However you want to. If you finish slower than you originally planned, or than you wanted, you don’t have to be mad. Mad is optional, defeated is optional.
All of that is optional. Because if you have control over your thoughts, you can work to create a belief system that serves you, rather than one that makes you feel shitty all the time. You can go out in public in a sleeveless shirt, even if your arms have visible fat. I do it all the time. And guess what, I don’t have any thoughts about it. I’m just like, “Oh, it’s hot. I’m going to wear a sleeveless shirt. Boom, done.
You can come in dead last in a race and be proud as fuck about it. That is what you can do when you are in control of your thoughts. You can say no to people when you don’t want to do something, instead of being like, “Oh, I should probably do it because I want them to like me. I don’t want them to be mad.” Fuck that, you get to just say no.
When you’re in control of your thoughts and you don’t make other people’s opinions the boss of you, you get to do what you want. All right. When you’re in control of your thoughts you can ask for things that you want. You can love yourself without having to change a thing. And that is so powerful.
So I think that the concept of this coaching model is so important, especially for my runners, especially for my larger bodied runners. And I want you to understand this, I want you to really spend some time thinking about it. Because most people believe that their feelings, their emotions, are a result of the circumstances in their lives.
And you know, because I just taught you, that your thoughts create your feelings. It’s not the other way around. Most people don’t know this. Now that you know this, first of all, you have a major edge. You have a leg up on everybody else in the world, because they’re walking around thinking their circumstances are in charge of their lives. And you know that’s not true. But it’s just going to make everything in your life so much easier.
So here’s another example, and this is a common one I get from my clients. So let’s say that your partner says something to you and you feel insulted. Your partner says words and your emotion is insulted. And there’s a thought in the middle. We’re going to talk about that. But let’s say the words are, “You’ve been running for six months, why are you still so slow? You should be faster by now.”
And I know there are some of you listening who have probably had your partner, or somebody else that you’re close to in your life, say that exact thing, “You’ve been running for six months, you should be faster by now. Why are you still so slow?”
So in this example, the circumstance are the words that your partner said. But those words are not what makes you feel insulted. And this is the mind blower, it is your thoughts about what they said that is creating the feeling. And you might have a thought, “How dare they say that? That was so rude. If they loved me, they wouldn’t talk to me that way. They shouldn’t have done that.”
And those are things that you might think, they’re all thoughts in your head. They’re opinions, they’re judgments, they’re beliefs that you have, they are not circumstances. Okay? Circumstance is the words that came out of your partner’s mouth and everything else is your story about it.
And when you think those things, “How dare they? That was really rude. If you loved me, you wouldn’t talk to me like that.” When you think those things, you feel insulted. You feel hurt. Of course you do, I would. If I spent time thinking about what somebody said to me and my thought was, “That was really rude,” I would feel insulted as well.
But here’s the deal, and this is a hard pill to swallow. Your partner did not insult you. Your partner said words that you decided to interpret as insulting. Your partner said words you decided to interpret as insulting, which is so much different than somebody insulted me. Okay, worlds apart.
And I know you’re probably sitting there going, “Yeah, but insults are insults, right?” No, that’s the thing. Words are neutral until we give them meaning. And why is this so important for you to understand? I mean, you can’t change what somebody did in the past, you can’t change what they might do in the future, you can’t. You just can’t change that. You definitely can’t force your partner to not say, “Why are you so so slow?” You can ask them, but you can’t make them short of duct taping their face closed, right?
But where you do have control, where you have all the power is how you decide to think about it. So if you choose the thought, “They insulted me,” you’re going to feel like shit. And you’re probably going to act in a way that does not improve your relationship with your partner. You won’t communicate well, you might sulk, you might yell, you might storm out of the house.
And the result will be you continue to believe they insulted you, that they don’t respect you, that they don’t support you. And there is absolutely no upside to thinking this way. And I’m not saying I want you prancing through meadows of daisies like a unicorn. This is not about putting on rose colored glasses and going, “Oh, my partner says all these nice things about me.” We’re not arguing with reality. There’s just no upside to focusing on thinking that your partner has insulted you.
Even if everyone in the world could agree that they did, where is the value in thinking that thought over and over again? It just makes you feel like shit when you think it. There’s no value, there’s no upside to walking around thinking, “They don’t respect me, they insulted me. They were so rude.”
So this is where you can change things. Your partner doesn’t have to change a thing, it all comes from you. And this is amazing news because you no longer have the responsibility of changing your partner, because you can’t. But it’s not your responsibility, your responsibility is you.
So you could choose to believe that your partner is just confused about how running works. They might not just get it, that’s okay. They might think maybe, I mean, before you started running you probably thought you had to be at least a 10 minute mile to be a real runner. Maybe they’re just confused and they think the same thing too. Send them my podcast.
Or they might be curious about your progress and they don’t mean it in an insulting way at all. They’re just like, “Hey, you’ve been running for a while? Shouldn’t you be faster?” That’s just how some people communicate. They’re not intending to be demeaning or anything like that. They’re not intending to insult, that’s just how they talk.
So it could be any number of things. You get to decide what you make it mean. So changing how you think about a circumstance changes how you feel and it drives different actions and results. I’m going to say that again. Changing how you think about a circumstance changes how you feel.
We’re not changing the circumstance, we’re changing how we think. And when you change how you think, you change how you feel and that drives different actions and results. Okay? I mean, you could totally decide, “I don’t like it when they talk to me that way.” And have an open conversation about it with them instead of stewing about it or yelling at them.
But that comes with the thought, “Hey, I don’t want somebody to talk to me that way. I’m going to ask them why they said that.” And then we have an emotion of curious. And then our action is to have an open, non-confrontational conversation. Which is totally different than thinking, “They shouldn’t talk to me that way.” And feeling mad and then yelling. A totally different thing.
So, here’s what I want you to do this week, I want you to think about a problem you’re having in your life. Decide what the circumstances and then I want you to be really specific. Really question yourself when you’re writing out the circumstance. And then I want you to write out your thoughts and your feelings and how you behave, what actions you take or don’t take when you feel that way. And then what’s the result that happens?
And remember, a feeling is one word. A feeling is not, “I feel like this person shouldn’t have done that.” That’s a thought. A feeling is an emotion, one word. So you write out your thoughts, write your feeling, write the actions you take, how you behave when you feel that way. And then what is the result of that behavior?
And that is called doing a model. And that’s how we solve problems. All right? So think about that problem. Write out your model. And then I want you to look at the model you’ve created and decide, first of all, if you like the results it’s creating in your life.
And if you don’t, how might you be able to think differently? If you changed the thought without the circumstance changing, how might the feelings, actions, and results change? And then once you have a model that you like, you could start practicing that new thought over and over and see what happens.
So to make it a little easier for you, I’ve actually created a PDF that you can download from my site that’s going to walk you through the process. All you got to do is go to notyouraveragerunner.com/model to get it. Or you can hit up the show notes for this episode and grab it at the link there.
And if you’re doing this work, I would absolutely love it if you’d share your models in the free Facebook group because that’s a great place to do it. Or even better sign up for the next round of the Rebel Runner Roadmap. And as I mentioned at the beginning, I’m doing a Black Friday pre-sale on the upcoming January class.
So from Friday to Sunday this week, you can grab that deal at rebelrunnerroadmap.com. And in the roadmap, I spend a lot of time helping my students master this concept because it is a game changer for your running. So make sure you get in this class because it’s going to change your life. It’s that simple, rebelrunnerroadmap.com
All right Rebels, I hope this has been a helpful episode for you. If you liked it, please share it on Instagram, let people know. I love you, stay safe, and get your ass out there and run.
Oh, and one last thing, if you enjoyed listening to this episode you have to check out the Rebel Runner Roadmap. It’s a 30 day online program that will teach you exactly how to start running, stick with it, and become the runner you’ve always wanted to be. Head on over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com to join. I’d love to be a part of your journey.
Enjoy The Show?
- Don’t miss an episode, follow on Spotify and subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or RSS.
- Leave us a review in Apple Podcasts.
- Join the conversation by leaving a comment below!
Valerie Ryan says
Thank you so much for this episode. It was perfect timing for me. I had a half marathon this weekend and when I went to pick up my bib the ladies couldn’t find it and started me asking questions like, “are you sure you paid for it?”. To which I showed all of my emails confirming this. They sent me to the directors table who looked me up and confirmed my bib should be there. He went over to look for it and came back to say, well they must have given it to someone else by mistake. He proceeded to take his bib and took white tape and put it over his name and crossed everything off on the back and said he reassigned it to me. However , now the bib said full Marathon instead of half. At first this really upset me and started making me feel uneasy and embarrassed about the race. But then I remembered the thought downloads and kept reminding myself this is just a fact. The bib looks like crap with the tape and says the wrong distance, BUT none of this will actually affect my running. I ended up having an amazing race and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. Then because my bib said full Marathon, I ended up getting handed the full Marathon medal but didn’t realize it until I was already on the shuttle back to my car. So thankful for your real honest truths and conversation and being in the back of my mind right when I needed you! 🥰🏃♀️
Jill Angie says
Nicely done! Way to utilize this important piece of work we do to make that shift. Thank you for taking time to share!