I’m failing at everything.
Well, that’s what I’ve been telling myself lately and guess what? That sucks. Even though I am a Not Your Average Runner Coach, I still need coaching myself (so. much. coaching.). That’s what I realized when Jill coached me the other day on my thoughts creating my results. You see, I am not just on the path to winning at life through running, I am also working on losing weight.
Some Background
Here’s the thing, you don’t have to lose weight to run. Anyone can run in the body she has right now, and I do. But I want to lose weight. For a lot of reasons, but mostly because I have struggled with being at a comfortable weight for me since I was in high school. I was a little heavier than I wanted to be then, and became a lot heavier than I could happily live with when I went to college and my dad passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack at 53 years old (I was 18). Food and booze became my comfort, my drug, my escape, my release—and I have struggled with emotional eating ever since. That was almost 27 years ago.
Why I Want to Lose Weight
I am done with having this conversation with myself and this battle with myself. And my main reasons for wanting it are noble and not-so-noble. Noble, in that I want to be accountable to myself and finally stop using food for anything other than nourishment. Noble, in that I want to be around a long time for my son, and heart disease and diabetes run in my family. I know not all people who weigh more than what the charts say is healthy get heart disease and diabetes and, honestly, I am healthier than many thinner people I know. But I have a family history on both sides of those horrible diseases. So I want all of the cards stacked in my favor, whether it’s a real thing or not.
My not-so-noble reason is that I want to get faster at running, mostly because I just want to be done faster. And I know that if I weigh less, I will be able to run faster. I am not trying to win any races, but I want to stay a runner for the rest of my life, slow or not (maybe I’ll win an age group medal when I’m 80!).
My Thoughts Were Creating Failure
And lately, I’ve been eating like the Titanic is going down. So I asked Jill to coach me on why I couldn’t commit to my nutrition plan (I knew the answers, but I needed a little tough love). I’ve been training okay, but then negating all of the work I am putting in to getting faster with foods that aren’t serving my goals. She coached me through what my current thoughts are (“I am failing at everything,” “I can’t stick to anything”) and showed me how having those thoughts is creating that failure.
So I keep plugging away at it. Keep failing at it. Keep plugging away again. Just like I do with running. And just like running, there is no deadline for this goal. Once I get to a place where I am comfortable with my weight, I am going to have to work to maintain that. Just like I will always have to work at running. Just like I will always have to work at life. And what a life that is already.
See you on the path,
Jen
