Ep #104: Overcoming Mind Drama at a Race with Jen Lamplough

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who is midlife and plus sized and you want to start running but don’t know how, or if it’s even possible, you’re in the right place. Using proven strategies and real-life experience, certified running and life coach Jill Angie shares how you can learn to run in the body you have right now.

Jill: Hey rebels, you are listening to episode 104 of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. I’m your host, Jill Angie, and I have the one and only Jennifer Lamplough with me on the podcast today. And we actually have a really interesting and different kind of episode to share with you today because Jen recently ran a race and has a story to tell about it, and then there are multiple parts to this story. So first of all, hey Jen. Welcome back.

Jen: Hey. Thank you. Thank you. Glad to be here.

Jill: And I think we should just kind of dive right in without a lot of preamble, and why don’t you tell the story about this race? So it was what, maybe a month ago, two months ago? I can’t remember when.

Jen: It was about a month ago. It was 4th of July. I love 4th of July because my birthday is July 3rd so I always sort of have a two-day birthday because it’s always a holiday.

Jill: And you always have fireworks for your birthday.

Jen: And I always have fireworks. And when I was a little girl, my dad used to tell me that the fireworks for my birthday and I continue to believe that.

Jill: I think you should. They are for your birthday. I love this. Everyone should get fireworks for their birthday.

Jen: Right? Oh my gosh, it’s great. So I always do a race on the 4th of July because we’re off and it’s always fun and the race that I always do is this four-miler that’s in just a couple towns over, and it benefits a charity that I support. And so I do this race every year, except last year because I had a broken foot. I was signed up for it but I didn’t do it because my foot was broken.

Jill: I remember that.

Jen: I was so mad.

Jill: Last summer was a shit show, wasn’t it?

Jen: It was. Can I tell you – I did not tell you this but I fell over the weekend. I did. And my husband just had a knee replacement surgery and then I fell and I was like, could you imagine…

Jill: Because the last time you fell and broke your foot he was…

Jen: He was in the hospital.

Jill: Oh my god. There is something to that.

Jen: I know. And so I literally had a moment where I was like, okay, don’t do this again. Time to be a little more mindful, and so I was like – have a little mantra that I say when I get in those moments and I start to just say that so I got out of it. Thankfully I did not hurt myself, although my knee is still a little swollen and has a big scrape on it.

Jill: Oh my gosh. But I’m glad you didn’t break anything.

Jen: Yes, thank goodness. Yeah, so I ran the race this 4th of July. It’s a very small race and I always have a little bit of anxiety about this race because it is so small and I’m always last. Either dead last or very close to last, which normally doesn’t really affect me but there’s always a little bit of internal drama of being followed by a police go-cart or whatever the hell they drive. Like, the four-wheeler for the entire race. So it just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

And so I was already a little uptight going into it, it was very hot. Very hot already in the early morning. It was already very hot, so I had a little bit of mental drama anyway, but I worked myself through it as I usually do. There’s no packet pick up ahead of time so you have to pick up your packet, walk it all the way back to your car, come back, so you have to get there pretty early. So we’re standing around waiting for the race to start and the guy who was the announcer kept talking about who should line up in the front and who should line up in the back. And he kept making “jokes” about who should line up in the front and who should line up in the back.

Jill: We’re using the term loosely.

Jen: I made air quotes for those of you guys who can’t see me but I made air quotes when I said jokes. He thought he was funny, clever, all of the things. And so I started to get mildly annoyed because it was sort of like, you 502 milers line up in the front. If you’re bird watching, line up in the back. And I was like, okay, you’re not funny. And he kept saying those sort of things and then he said the worst one, which sort of flared my insides. He said Kenyans in the front, couch potatoes in the back, and I was like, oh no you didn’t motherfucker. I got real city at him real fast in my head. I was like, are you freaking kidding me?

And so then I flared and I started to go back to my thought work and be like, his opinion is none of my business, it doesn’t matter. But then I started thinking about the people that we work with and I started thinking about people who are new to running and they don’t have the same mental training that I do. They maybe could beat me in the race but they don’t have the same mental training because I’ve been working with you for three years now and I’ve been doing the mental training, and I can work my brain out of that feeling of like, oh my gosh, this is making me want to leave.

I had it for a second because those thoughts always come, but I had the answers for them. His opinion is none of my business, I’m still doing as many miles as the people who are coming in first. And then I thought this guy must not really be a runner because runners don’t say those sorts of things to other runners. So I talked myself out of it but then I started thinking about our team. I started thinking about our people in Run Your Best Life and even in the Not Your Average Runner Podcast Facebook page and a lot of people have a lot of feelings about being a back of the packer and about coming in last.

And for someone to say something like that, they might not have the capabilities yet to combat that in their brain. And so I thought about that the whole time I was running and I was like, what would I say to somebody who came to a coaching session and said this guy at this race said Kenyans in the front, which that alone is annoying and racist and like, I mean, a lot of implications around that too.

Jill: There was a lot to unpack in that.

Jen: There was a lot to unpack in that.

Jill: I was like, you’ve offended a lot of people.

Jen: A lot of people, yes.

Jill: In one sentence dude. Good job.

Jen: Yeah, but I just was thinking like, how could you call somebody who’s standing in line to start a four-mile race when it’s 90 freaking degrees at seven o clock in the morning couch potatoes? And I was like – and in my head I said the couch potatoes are at home, motherfucker. I got real mad. Real mad.

And so I just, the whole race I was thinking about our team and I was dead effing last for the first probably two miles. And there was a couple who was also doing intervals who I was sort of leap-frogging and then there was an 85-year-old guy pretty much in front of me the whole time, and then there was a woman who had started out with two other people and she ended up being by herself and I could tell she was struggling. So we were at the back of the pack, but I was pretty much in the back the whole time.

And so I was thinking like, okay, what would I tell somebody? And I thought of all the things, like exactly what I just said, that his opinion is none of your business, you’re not a couch potato, you’re in line at the race, you’re doing as many miles, and quite frankly, the back of the packers I think have even more endurance because it takes us four times as long to do the four miles that it does for the folks who are at the front of the pack who are five-minute miler young high school guys who always win those races.

Jill: Well, so let’s take it back a second because I know there’s people listening right now that are like, what? Why didn’t you punch that guy in the face? How dare he? People getting really angry right now. And let’s take it to the moment when he first said that. What was the model running through your head?

Jen: Yeah, so it started out with me being like, fuck you, motherfucker. That was the first thing. And then I had a moment where I was like, I’m not doing this. I’m not doing this race. And then I was like no Jen, you know the answer to that. So then I was like, okay, the model that I had in my head was like, I am getting ready to run a four-mile race. That was my circumstance. There was no opinion about that. That was the case. And so then I changed my thought to…

Jill: Well, what was your original thought?

Jen: My original thought was like, how dare you. It was sort of like that how dare you, and then I had that thought of like, nope, I’m doing this. And then I had the thought of like, what would somebody else think about this? And so what would somebody else who doesn’t have the ability to combat those thoughts quickly, what would they be thinking?

Jill: What would they be thinking? If it was the you of 10 years ago when you first started running or even three years ago before we started working together, what do you think your thought would have been?

Jen: My thought would have been like, I don’t belong here. Oh, I’m a couch potato, I shouldn’t be doing this. That would have been my thought and I would have felt humiliated and I would have felt ashamed, and that’s not a good feeling. Nobody should feel that way anywhere, but standing at a start line of a race shouldn’t feel that way. And I had a glimmer of those feelings quite honestly. I had that moment of like, oh my god, I don’t belong here, I’m going to be last, everybody’s going to be looking at me, I’m so slow, they’re all fast. I had that for a nanosecond.

Jill: You, a marathoner, right? Because I think it’s so interesting that we think like, once your brain shifts into a different space where you kind of believe you belong there, that that stuff never comes up but it still kind of does because they’re like, neural pathways that we’ve had for years and years and years. They don’t always go away but you are able to redirect it so quickly, through a whole range of thinking too.

Jen: And literally within like, 30 seconds I had all of those thoughts. Like oh fuck, I don’t belong here, I’m ashamed, to no, you absolutely belong here, and not only do you belong here, but your endurance is even probably more than most people’s because it takes you longer to do this. And then I had the thought like, this guy’s not a runner because runners don’t talk to other runners that way.

So the whole time I was thinking about people who aren’t equipped yet with that ability to quickly combat that, and so that’s when I came – afterwards I came into our group and I did a Facebook Live about it. And I was pretty emotional and I was crying, and I wasn’t crying because I was upset or mad because I wasn’t at that point, but I was crying because I was so proud of myself that I had done – I was proud of myself for running four miles in 90 degrees. Anybody should be proud of any run they do.

But let alone, then also working through that mental part of it, which was quite frankly, harder than the run in the 90 degrees. That was more work in the last three years than being able to physically do that race.

Jill: I just love how you were able to identify like, that’s not a thought I want to think anymore. No, that one’s not super helpful. Okay, this is where I want to land so quickly. But you didn’t stop there. So you did – you guys, if you want to listen to or if you want to watch the video that – the Facebook Live that Jen did right after the race was over, it’s going to be posted in the show notes. But after that Facebook Live, which generated a lot of discussion within Run Your Best Life, what did you do after that?

Jen: Well, it was funny. The discussion, a lot of people were mad like, on my behalf. And I was like no, I’m like, you don’t have to be mad on my behalf. There’s nothing to be mad about. That’s just somebody’s opinion. And so I was so grateful because everybody was so sweet, but then I was like, I have to let them know on behalf of the people that I work with that it’s not okay to talk like that about people who are standing at the start line of a race, no matter what position they’re in. And so I wrote them a letter and I posted the letter in the group and I said I just want you guys to know this is what I wrote.

Jill: Okay, so can you read – do you have it in front of you? Can you read it? Let’s hear it.

Jen: Dear race organizers, I hope you’re both doing well. I’m writing to give some feedback about yesterday’s race. I’m a great supporter of this charity and I’m always so happy when I can give back to the incredibly important work you do. This feedback I have will not impact my giving to the organization, but it’s important that you have it and you need to hear it. Yesterday, as we were lining up for the race to start, the race announcer kept announcing directions about who should line up in front and who should line up in the back, saying seemingly clever – in his mind – things like if you are training at a 502 mile then you’re in the front, if you’re bird watching or taking photos, line up in the back. Or, and this one really got me, Kenyans in the front, couch potatoes in the back.

I wanted to provide some feedback on how insensitive and offensive that statement was. I am a slow runner and am always a back of the packer and proud of it. There are many of us in fact, even at these small races where it is mostly elite runners. Some of us are new to running, some of us have been running for years, and some of us will never be at the front of the pack nor do we want to be, and not one of us is a couch potato. I am a certified running coach and work part-time for the Not Your Average Runner organization and as a coach, all I could think of was my newbie runners who are out there running races today who are probably scared to death to be at their first race, worrying about if they could do it or not and then hearing themselves being called a couch potato and how they would feel.

I’m getting a little bit choked up. I reached out to them after this race to tell them this story. This is an international organization with runners from all over the world, and some of the feedback I got from them included if this was my first race and I heard that, it would have been my last. Or what a horrible thing to say to people who have been training their butts off to get to that start line. And some more colorful and choice words I won’t share here.

Jill: There were some because we believe in that in Run Your Best Life.

Jen: I think motherfucker was probably the biggest one. At least that was what was going through my head.

Jill: If we were to do like, a word cloud, motherfucker would be bold in the center.

Jen: And it was like, in Samuel L. Jackson’s voice in my head like, it was real. So anyway, I don’t know the name of the race announcer or whether he was part of the running organization that sponsored the race, or a part of the charity organization, but I would like him to know that no one in the back of the pack of runners at any race is a couch potato and the person who finished first and the person who finished last all did the same distance.

In fact, the back of the packers are, in my opinion, even tougher than those who came in first because it took us four times longer to finish that race in that heat and humidity, and not one of us gave up. I train six days a week for various races throughout the year while working two jobs and supporting my family. I am so grateful that I am part of a running group and have the mental toughness I do or else I might have walked away from the race that day.

Please convey this to the race announcer that the next time he thinks he’s being clever by shaming back of the packers, that he’s really keeping people from participating and supporting this amazing organization and many others. Not only that, he’s perpetuating a stereotype of who is an athlete and who is not. I, sir, am an athlete and your judgment will never keep me from any start line. Sincerely, Jen Lamplough. I got a little teary.

Jill: I just love that so much. I love so much about it. The first is how you coached yourself around it so that you didn’t go into it going like, hey asshole, you said this and it made me feel shitty because really, other people’s words can’t make us feel anything. It’s all about us kind of like – we interpret something, we make it mean something, and then we feel shitty about it. But a million people could hear what that guy said and have a bunch of different interpretations.

But a lot of people would make it mean that they didn’t belong and so – but I love that you coached yourself around it so you came at it from a place of like hey, I love the work you’re doing but this particular approach, not super helpful for people who are new to the sport, and you got your point across beautifully and said I think everything that needed to be said. But then you got a beautiful response back too.

Jen: I did. I did. I got a response back from the person from the charity that benefited from the race and she wrote me back and she said, “Jen, I’m so sorry. I was so busy at the event I never heard much of anything that the race announcer was saying, but this is no excuse. I will certainly forward this to him, our paid race announcer, and share your concern with my committee. My only guess was that he was trying to be funny and entertaining and did not realize how his comments would affect our participants.

This race is organized by a group of volunteers from the charity and please understand that the running group who sponsored it are not at fault. They support our race by helping us promote it and participating. They are not involved in any way with the planning of this event. I am personally in awe of anyone out there racing. I would never be able to run any race because of my breathing and physical state. I have had many friends give it a try after lots and lots of training and succeed. Every single person who runs should be proud of their accomplishments and we appreciate all the support for our charity. Thanks for letting me know. Gratefully, the fund raising coordinator.”

Jill: Very sweet.

Jen: I kind of wanted to write her back and be like well, I mean your breathing and physical state may be a thought but I was like, not going to coach her over email.

Jill: So the one piece we don’t have is like, what the guy, the actual announcer, how he received that feedback. It would be interesting to find out, so maybe someday we’ll hear that.

Jen: I really wrote it in a way that I really wanted him to understand and hear me. Not that I was complaining about what he said because I control how I feel about what he said. So I really wanted to come at it from a point of like, let me educate you about what it’s like to be a person like me and not call him names and I said that he wasn’t funny, but it was a very, very nice way of calling him an asshole.

Jill: But really, I like to look at it like maybe he just doesn’t know any better. And so I always like to assume innocence and just be like oh, he just literally thought that was funny. He didn’t know any better. Here, let me help you. Let me educate you on why that’s not super helpful to say. But meanwhile, I just thought it was such a great example of how if you show up to a race, like a brand-new runner and you hear somebody say something like that, you don’t have to take it on board. You don’t have to make it mean that you don’t belong. Because the truth is people will say shit like that to you.

Jen: And not just at races. Your family will say it. They’ll be like, oh, well if you run-walk you’re not a runner, or how fast did you do it?

Jill: For all you run, why are you still so fat? I’ve had people say that to me. I’m like, okay. That’s an interesting comment. But yeah, so people are going to say shit and you have options and I think the reason that this is so powerful is that if this was you three years ago, you would have walked away and nothing has changed about you. You’re probably roughly the same size that you were three years ago. You’re running about the same speed that you were running three years ago. The only thing that has changed is your mind.

Jen: 100%. And it’s like, I would have absolutely walked away. I would have walked away with my head hanging down and probably not gone back to running again for a long time if that would have been me three years ago or me, whatever, any time before that. So yeah, it really – the power of the mind work was the most evident it has ever been to me in that moment right then and there. And all I could do was think about our teammates and be like, how can I convey this to them on how important the mental work is and how even more important it is than the physical work.

Jill: So let’s talk about that a little bit. So imagine you’re there and you’ve brought one of our new runners, one of our runners that’s in the Chicago area is like, I want to run a race with you. And so you go and you’re sitting there together and this happens and you look at her and you can see tears. How would you coach her?

Jen: I would say you know, what are you thinking right now? What are your thoughts that you’re having about that guy calling us a couch potato? And I would start there and I would say okay, so – this is sort of how I coached myself. I said you are letting somebody else’s opinion infiltrate your brain. So why are you giving someone like that who knows probably not a lot about running or about being funny quite frankly, why…

Jill: You’re a little bitter about that, aren’t you?

Jen: Because I consider myself a funny person so when people think they’re funny and they’re not, it offends me.

Jill: You’re like, I know funny and that was not it.

Jen: You sir, are not funny. I would say like, why are you giving that person that kind of power? All of the power lies in your brain, and so what can you think instead? And I would have worked on that and then I would have worked on what is a mantra that you can say to yourself that’s going to keep you focused on getting this run done and not living in any kind of other thought or feeling other than I’m going to get this run done.

Jill: Like, are you going to let some dude who’s just saying words keep you from achieving the thing that you’ve been working towards for weeks and possibly months? And the thing about race announcers is like, literally, that’s their job is that they just get hired to go from race to race and announce the race. So he has probably used that “joke” hundreds of times. And so I think he probably doesn’t even hear it and I’m sure there’s a few people that laugh, and there’s probably some back of the packers who laugh too because they think like, oh yeah, well I guess I am a couch potato.

And so first of all, you’re not. You’re identifying as a couch potato – you know actually, in general, I kind of don’t like it when people use the term couch potato because it’s really derogatory and I also hate when people say like, don’t worry about your pace, you’re still lapping everybody on the couch because it kind of implies that like, sitting on the couch is a moral failing or it implies that if you’re not interested in being a runner or if you’re not a super active person, that there’s something wrong with you, that you should be ashamed of that or you should feel guilty, which I think is complete fucking bullshit because everyone’s situation is different. We are runners because we like to move our bodies. Not everyone likes to do that and that’s okay.

Jen: Exactly right. You’re absolutely freaking right about that. That is so true.

Jill: And so I think there’s like this sort of belief, this culture or belief system out there that you’re a better person, like a better ethical or moral person – I’m probably using the wrong term, but that’s you’re a more worthy human I guess if you ascribe to I should always try to be healthy as possible, I should try to be as thin as possible, I should try to be as attractive as possible.

We have these weird values that everybody is striving for those and then if you’re not striving for them that you must be lazy, there must be something wrong with you that you don’t care about yourself, when in reality, not everybody gives a shit about what they look like. Not everybody gives a shit about being as healthy as possible. And that’s like, a personal preference. So when we say things like oh, you’re still lapping everyone on the couch, it’s like, we’re still basically saying you know, I might not be the greatest but I’m better than you.

Jen: Right. We’re still judging. It’s still a judgment.

Jill: Yeah, so the whole – I know I’m kind of getting off topic here but really, it yanks my chain when I see those memes posted that you’re still lapping everyone on the couch. Like that guy on the couch, he might just really like being on the couch.

Jen: There ain’t nothing wrong with sitting on the couch and watching some Netflix, girl. You know that.

Jill: It’s fascinating.

Jen: That’s why I love – you have a new t-shirt in our swag shop that says if you’re behind me, you’re still doing great, we got this, or something along those lines. Because you’ve seen those shirts where like, I may be slow but you’re behind me like, why are we also shaming the people who are our colleagues in the back of the pack? So I love that new shirt that you have in the swag shop and I need to get it because it’s so positive and it’s so like, leave the judgment at home. It doesn’t matter. I was on the couch last July because I broke my foot. So are you going to judge me for being on the couch because I have a broken foot?

Jill: It’s like, still lapping the lady with the broken foot so you’re better than her. I think that people are somewhat hardwired to compare themselves to others and look for the ways in which they’re better and point out the ways that other people are not as good. I just think it’s some sort of like, evolutionary competitiveness for – I don’t know, I guess with guys it’s probably for mates because they want to spread their seed or whatever but…

Jen: Ew.

Jill: I just think – sorry that was really icky. Sorry. We can’t even cut that out. Pavel is listening to this right now cringing going oh good lord. We’re just going to leave that in because this is real. But we do. We’re always kind of – I wrote about this in my first book actually, about how we feel compelled to compare ourselves to others and we’re always just looking for the way that we’re better.

So you may – you’re like, my ass might be big but at least my hair is nicer than hers, or I may be slow but at least I’m out there. And I don’t think that’s super helpful to constantly be – because when we’re comparing ourselves to somebody else and finding ourselves lacking or we’re comparing ourselves to somebody else so that we can find something wrong with them so that we can feel better, how about we just stop doing that?

Jen: Because if you do it to other people, then your brain is thinking oh, somebody else is doing this about me. And so it just perpetuates that feeling of inadequacy and judgment and then you start doing it to yourself. So you’re like oh, you’re doing this comparing thing and oh, they’re judging me and they’re looking at me and I’m slow and I’ll tell you what, the runners in that race, it was an out and back so we passed each other.

So all the people who were at the front of the pack, the people who were winning this race to a nanosecond to say good job to me. Every single one of them. High school boys, whoever it was…

Jill: Who are notoriously like, in their own zone, I don’t know, playing video games in their heads or whatever it is they do when they’re running.

Jen: Yeah, and they literally took a nanosecond to be like, good job. And so it’s like, you’re creating drama in your head about these judgments that A, probably don’t exist, and if they do, who gives a shit?

Jill: Right, exactly. Because people are judging you all day long and you just don’t know. That’s the thing. I went to the grocery store the other day. I was really sweaty. I had just finished an eight-mile run and I was like, I’m going to go to the grocery store because it’s right here. And I was like, drenched with sweat. I had mud on one of my legs and like, I was just like, gross. I was absolutely gross and I thought, oh gosh, I can’t go in there, what will people think?

And then I’m like, you know what, people are going to think things, they’re going to see me, they’re going to have opinions, and I’m not going to know what they are and I really don’t give a fuck because I don’t know, I just ran eight miles and it’s still only 7:30 in the morning. I ran eight miles before 7:30am, like, I’m judging myself to be amazing and – but really people are judging you everywhere you go, all day long. People see you, they judge you, and then they move on and you never really know.

Jen: Or they’re not.

Jill: Or they’re not, exactly.

Jen: They’re not paying an ounce of attention to you.

Jill: Right. When I say judging too, I don’t necessarily mean thinking bad things. Like oh, I like your purse. That’s a judgment. Oh, I hate your shoes. That’s a judgment. So maybe evaluations are better. People are constantly looking at you, evaluating you, thinking a thing and moving on, or they’re not even registering your presence.

But 99.9999% of that never gets that out loud so you have no fucking idea what anybody really thinks. And so the reason we’re like, she looked at me funny, it’s like no, she’s got something in her eye or she’s got resting bitch face. Just let it go.

Jen: And it’s none of your business. Even if she did judge you, it’s none of your business.

Jill: Exactly. And it’s so funny because I see people at the grocery store and I think oh, I would not have worn that outfit. I hear myself say it in my head and I think oh, that was a nice thing to say. But we do it all the time. It’s kind of human nature and I think recognizing that when you think to yourself about like – the lady I saw the other day was wearing these fur leggings. I was just like, I don’t understand. What the hell?

But then I kind of was thinking to myself she’s got terrible taste in clothes, and I thought oh, but you know what, it doesn’t matter. She thinks she has awesome taste in clothes. My opinion is my business and not hers. It’s in my head. She’s got no idea what I’m thinking. And then actually I was standing behind her in line and I was like, you know, I actually don’t hate those pants. And then I was like, what if I just tapped her on the shoulder and said hey, where’d you get those?

Jen: Can I pet your leggings?

Jill: I know, right? It’s so funny. But I think what happens is we start to judge ourselves for judging people and then it kind of goes down a rabbit hole. But anyway, back to our friend the couch potato caller.

Jen: The unfunny race announcer.

Jill: Let me ask you this. If you were at another race and happened to run into him face to face, so he’s not up in the stands announcing but he’s like, down on the ground walking around and you’re like, I know you. What would you say to him? What would your…

Jen: I don’t know that I would say anything honestly. I don’t know. I’m not so much of a confrontational person. I don’t know that I would say – I probably am more so now because I don’t care what people think of me anymore, so I probably maybe would say something but I maybe – I actually almost went up there at the race but it was getting really close to the time and I was still sort of grappling with my thoughts a little bit. But I was tempted to go up there and be like, you know what, you’re not funny for calling the back of the packers couch potatoes.

And then I was going to go up to him after the race but I was so hot I could barely talk so – and I just wanted to get in the air conditioning so I didn’t then either. But I honestly don’t know what I would do. I don’t know if I would say something or not.

Jill: Would you just say like, hey, I was at a race that you called a few weeks ago and you gave me a lot of food for thoughts?

Jen: Maybe. Maybe. Thinking about it, if I knew that I was going to run into him, I would probably formulate some sort of something to say to him and be like, I don’t know. I don’t know. I sort of regretted not saying something at the moment afterwards. So that’s…

Jill: Although a lot of times when we say something in the moment when our emotions are very high, we think back later, I could have handled that better, right?

Jen: And I really wanted to formulate my thoughts and I really wanted them to hear and understand and so that’s why when I knew after I did the Facebook Live in the group, I said like, I need to write them a letter and I need to post it here so that everybody can see not only what I wrote but that I’m advocating for them too because they are me. So I’m like, you have to advocate for yourself and for others who aren’t ready yet to advocate for themselves.

Jill: Exactly. I love that. So this has been fun.

Jen: And look, I’m really happy to tell this story because I really felt like I needed to tell this story and I did in our group, but I wanted to tell it sort of on a wider scale, so I really appreciate you sort of giving me this platform to do it because I think it’s really important to remind people that other people’s opinions are none of your business and you do you and work on your thoughts and do that mental training because it was critical.

Jill: And that doesn’t mean that you don’t call people out for bad behavior, but you do it in such a way – you coach yourself first and you get yourself into a calm, neutral place, and then you share the feedback rather than like, in the moment which would have been you’re an asshole, why are you being such a jerk? Because what happens is then that person is like, I don’t understand the problem, so you’re not communicating very well to the other person and then it just escalates.

Jen: They’re just hearing your emotion. They’re not hearing the message.

Jill: And so I just love how you did it, and the only thing I wish is that we could like, get his response back. I feel like we should, I don’t know, I kind of want to find out his name and send him a letter but maybe we should just leave it.

Jen: Maybe. I mean, I think that – I kind of would.

Jill: We should bring him on the podcast.

Jen: I know, right? Be like hello, so and so.

Jill: But he’s probably not a runner and I think that’s the thing. I don’t think a runner would have said those things.

Jen: I don’t think so either. I really don’t think he is, and that was my first thought. I’m like, this guy isn’t a runner. Runners don’t say that about other runners.

Jill: He’s just a guy whose job is to go to different events, probably sporting or otherwise, and just like, announce what’s happening. So he’s not a runner, and so we can forgive him. He just doesn’t know. And I think it’s like the way when somebody comes to me and they’re just like, wow, it takes you that long to finish a 5K or whatever, and they’re like, genuinely confused, I’m just like, oh, they just don’t understand that runners come in all shapes and sizes and speeds.

I’m like, they just don’t know, and I can forgive somebody for not knowing because then I just explain to them. I just educate them. And I think it’s so much easier to look at it from the perspective of they just don’t know, rather than they’re an asshole and they’re trying to make me feel bad. Because I feel like thinking that way is never helpful. It just makes you feel shitty and then you overreact and so forth. So I just choose they’re just confused, let me help you sir.

Jen: And I could have spent a lot of time being upset about that. It could have taken a lot of my emotional energy to be upset about that but I did the Facebook Live, it got it out, I wrote the letter, and then I let it go man.

Jill: And now we’re dredging it all up again.

Jen: This is for the greater good. But truly, I would have chewed on that thing like a dog with a bone for weeks, if not months.

Jill: So what I love about this though is that as a result of this event, we’re actually incorporating some of the concepts we’ve been talking about today into the curriculum for the 5K course that’s coming up, which is like, starting on September 9th. But we’re also doing a free webinar on 5K training. It’s basically a free class on how to prep – the three things you need to know to prep for your first 5K. And we are going to talk a little bit about this mindset stuff because it’s so important and if you don’t get your mind right, you’re going to do what Jen almost did, which was turn around and leave when somebody says things that make you feel a certain way.

So we’re doing a free – we call it a webinar. It’s actually just a free class. It’s August 13th. I’ve got to check my calendar. It’s August 13th at – I want to say it’s at seven Eastern. I should really check my calendar. I’m very ill prepared for this podcast today. It’s at 7pm Eastern on Tuesday, August 13th.

And if you want to sign up for the class, you go to notyouraveragerunner.com/5k. We’re going to have a link in the show notes, but really, it’s notyouraveragerunner.com/5k and you can sign up for the webinar, for the free class, and we’re going to teach you a lot of stuff about training for your first 5K, including how to manage your mind around it. So that’s going to be super fun.

Jen: I’m so excited about that class. I love the 5K class because I just love seeing the first time 5K-ers and it’s not just them doing the race but how running transforms their lives. I mean, it really truly does because it’s not just the running. It’s all the work we do behind it. The mental work. And you just see these life transformations and people getting more confidence and people changing things that they would have never had the bravery to do in the past and it is miraculous to see.

Jill: It is fun. Somebody just said the other day – and she’s doing our half marathon class, and she posted something in the group and she’s like, does anybody else notice that the rest of their lives is getting better because of this half marathon class? And I’m like, that’s how it works.

Jen: The magic. It’s all the magic.

Jill: It’s magic.

Jen: It’s the Run Your Best Life magic. It really is. It’s like you sprinkle – I call it the Jill magic. The Jill fairy dust magic and all of a sudden, your life just starts to get better.

Jill: It is pretty fun. Yeah, so you guys, join us for the free class. It is again, notyouraveragerunner.com/5k. The class is August 13th at 7pm Eastern and it is free. It is completely free, and I hope that we see you there. And if you’re listening to this after the 13th, you should just join the 5K class. You should just join the 5K program. But if you’re listening to this after the 13th, I think we’re going to be doing a replay at some point so listen for a future episode because we’ll probably post a link to the replay so that you can catch up to the recording of that. Alright, any other thoughts?

Jen: Do your mental work. Do your running training, your training runs, your strength training, your stretching, and your mental work. Those are the big ones.

Jill: Those are the things, yeah. I think so. Mental work should get done first though.

Jen: True. Put that at the top of the list.

Jill: Because if you don’t do the mental work, you’re never going to get out the door. Or you’re going to get out the door and you’re going to be, I don’t know, you’re going to have drama about it. I had some drama this morning on my run.

Jen: Did you?

Jill: Yeah, I did for like, at least five or 10 minutes. I just watched it happen. I was almost like, when it was over I kind of looked back, I was like, that was an interesting movie to watch because I sort of stepped away and just watched my brain go like, this is really hard, you’re probably not going to be able to finish, why are you even training for this marathon? This is a terrible idea. And then suddenly I was like, oh stop it.

Jen: Just stop it. That’s the beauty of it though, right? We don’t let the thoughts consume us and we know how to tell them to shut up and whether you call it your inner mean girl or whatever you call it, they’re going to come knocking at the door but now you have the ability to slam it in their face.

Jill: Yeah, exactly. Just say not today. Not today, Winona.

Jen: Not today, Satan. That’s what I say.

Jill: I love it. Alright, that’s it for episode 104. If you want to get the show notes, you can go to notyouraveragerunner.com/104 and I hope that we see you on the free 5K webinar and that’s it. Thanks for joining me today Jen.

Jen: Thanks for having me and thanks for letting me tell my story.

Jill: Always a pleasure.

Jen: Thanks.

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you liked what you heard and want more, head over to www.notyouraveragerunner.com to download your free one-week jumpstart plan and get started running today.