Ep #143: Your Race was Canceled, Now What? How to Get Past the Disappointment

And I said, “You know what, yeah, it looks different than you planned. It’s not what you expected. It’s not what you were looking forward to. But the new circumstance is that the DSB is a virtual race. So you have a choice here. What if you decide that you’re going to make this year something completely and totally special that will never happen again? What if you decided to make this virtual race a one of a kind, a once in a lifetime event? The pandemic version of the Don’t Stop Believing race.”

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who has never felt athletic but you still dream about becoming a runner, you are in the right place. I’m Jill Angie, a certified running and life coach and I teach women how to start running, feel confident, and change their lives, and now I want to help you.

Hello my rebel friends. How are you today? I personally am both excited and nervous. So New Jersey just opened up all the state and county parks again and I’m very excited thinking about getting to hike and run in some of my favorite places. And of course, I need to be on trails now because Ragnar is coming up in September so trail training is kind of necessary at this point.

But I’m also nervous because I’m not quite comfortable being around large crowds of people right now. But I guess that’s pretty normal. I’m just going to sort of take it slow. I’m sure we’re all feeling the same way. So I’m going to ease in. And last weekend, I was indoors all weekend because we did the first ever Run Your Best Life virtual brain bootcamp retreat.

And we were supposed to be in Cincinnati that weekend, but obviously that didn’t happen. We were supposed to be there for the Flying Pig race weekend and then we had the bootcamp happening before that. So what we did was we made the brain bootcamp virtual. We made the retreat virtual. We did it over Zoom and it was awesome.

We had a yoga class, a cooking demo. Everybody got to cook right along with coach Jen, right in their own kitchen, which was awesome. We did a bootcamp, a cocktail party, we did tons of great workshops and coaching, and it was really, really fun.

And coach Jen, chef Jen actually made cookies shaped like Corgi butts. They were the cutest thing ever. And she also made recipes for custom cocktails, so we all had our own little cocktails that were named after – one of them was called The Rebel Runner, one of them was called The Back of the Packer, they were super fun.

So actually, it was so much fun. We’re going to do another virtual event over the summer. And I think this one is going to be open to the public. So it is not going to be just limited to Run Your Best Life members. I will keep you posted on that as soon as it’s available.

And one more thing real quick before we dive in today. I also want to talk to you about how Not Your Average Runner and you also, but how Not Your Average Runner is helping some folks that have been impacted by the pandemic.

Now, the Chicago area, it has been particularly hard hit economically by the effects of shutting down businesses, and there are a lot of people there who can’t afford basics like food at the moment. And Jen Lamplough, chef Jen, coach Jen who has been on the show several times is leading the efforts at one of the food banks out there to make sure that people get fed right now.

And so the Not Your Average Runner team is supporting her organization, the Northern Illinois Food Bank through The Rebel Run Virtual Race. So we set a goal to raise $5000 in donations to help feed people within the greater Chicago area, through this food bank. And we’re about 25% of the way there. And $10 from every single race registration for The Rebel Run Virtual Race goes directly to the bank.

And then every dollar they receive translates into $8 in groceries for a family in need. So basically, we are trying to raise $5000 to give them, and that will translate into $40,000 worth of food for families who can’t afford to buy food right now.

So The Rebel Run Virtual Race can be done for any distance. There’s no time limit. You can do it wherever you want, as long as you stick with your social distancing requirements of course. So you just register at notyouraveragerunner.com/rebelrun and we’re going to have a link to that in the show notes.

It’s notyouraveragerunner.com/rebelrun. Register there. We will take care of the rest. We will take care of getting your donations to the right place. We’ll take care of getting your medals shipped. You’ll actually have your medal within two weeks. And it is a really nice medal.

It says, “I’m not training to be fast. I’m training to be fierce,” and there’s a big fist in the middle of it. So cute. I love it. Now, if you’re like me and you’re wondering how can you help people and you’re a non-essential worker but you want to help people, you don’t have a sewing machine, you can’t make masks, this is a way that you can use your superpower, which is running, to help people who need help.

And get some bling for your medal rack, and if you had a race canceled recently, you might be wondering what to do about it. We’re actually going to talk about that today. But if you’ve had a race canceled recently, this is a great opportunity for you to run that race and help people in need.

So you can register at notyouraveragerunner.com/rebelrun. Go sign up, tell your friends. As of this moment, we have about $3700 to go to get to our goal. We’re about 25% of the way there. Every registration makes a difference.

So now that I’ve said that, let’s talk about canceled races. So we’ve all had this happen lately, right? From 5K fun runs to ultramarathons that you’ve been training for for months, races are getting canceled left and right. And my Run Your Best Life members have been talking about it a lot because they’ve got all the feels, as you can only imagine.

They’ve got disappointment and frustration and outrage. There is a little bit of relief for a few people who were maybe behind in their training and they’re like, phew, race got canceled, now I have more time to train. But mostly, there’s a lot of disappointment.

And as I mentioned earlier, we had a retreat planned for last weekend in Cincinnati to coincide with the Flying Pig race series. And it was seriously – it was going to be so amazing. And then COVID happened. So we have so many unhappy runners when that race got canceled because they’ve been training really hard for months and then suddenly everything changed. Words were said, tears were shed. People were really not feeling good about it.

But ultimately, the women in the Run Your Best Life group are experts at working on their thinking. They train their minds as hard as they train their bodies. And after working through their feelings, they got busy figuring out exactly what to do.

So it has been super fun watching the creativity sort of blossom in that group. And as a result of the mind work that they’ve been doing and just kind of getting busy figuring out some alternatives, we have several new half marathoners and marathoners, and even a new ultramarathoner now, despite all the race cancelations.

So one of our members, Ashley, ran her first marathon in the middle of the pandemic by circling her block 22 times. It came out to 26.2 miles. Each time she had her family bring out a different race sign to cheer her on. They set up an aid station in the driveway. They took lots of photos. It was amazing. It was really, really cool to see that.

Another group of members did their 5K as a group, but just not in the same place. So they opened up a conference call and they ran together. They kept in touch throughout the whole thing and really made kind of a big party out of it.

So I thought today that I would share some ways that you can go from feeling disappointed to excited, and then get some finish lines under your belt, even though your race may have been canceled. So you know how I’m always saying that your thoughts create your feelings, right? Well, a race cancelation is no different.

A race cancelation is a circumstance. It is a neutral circumstance. It cannot make you feel anything. It is your thoughts about the neutral circumstance that are pissing you off or making you feel disappointed. Thoughts like, “It’s not fair, I wasted all that training, I wasted all that money. This isn’t how I wanted to run my race. It’s not going to be as fun doing it by myself. Everything is ruined. I don’t want to run my race as a virtual.”

Some people think virtual races don’t count. It’s not a real race. Or, “I’m just not motivated if I’m running all by myself,” or, “Now that by my race is canceled, I have no interest in training. What’s the point?” So do you hear yourself anywhere in that list?

If you do, I want you to know when your mind is focusing on those opinions, on those thoughts, you feel a lot of negativity, right? Or you feel unmotivated. And how do you show up for your running when you feel like that? It’s not with enthusiasm. It might feel like a chore, you might spend your run thinking about everything you’re missing out on or you might just skip it entirely.

So here is the thought error that’s going on for you. And a thought error is basically just – it’s like a glitch in a computer program. You’re like, oops, that’s a wrong thought, it’s an error. I like to think of it, instead of saying good thoughts and bad thoughts like, “Oh, that one is just a thought error.”

So here’s what’s going on for you. You believe that the race being canceled is the problem. You think that something was taken away from you, and that is such a powerless place to be. It really keeps you down. It puts you in victim land. And it is bullshit.

The circumstance is never ever the problem. It is always how you think about it. Your race was canceled. This is the fact. But believing that something’s been taken away, that you were robbed, that is just a bullshit story you’re making up that is hurting you.

So if you’re moping around because you don’t get to run your race the way you wanted, you are missing out. Because first of all, you’re wasting a lot of energy arguing with reality. The race is not going to magically be re-happening. It’s not going to be happening any time soon.

You can’t bring it back by complaining about it. And by complaining about it, all you’re doing is making yourself feel worse and probably everybody around you. Nobody likes a complainer. So give yourself a hot minute to have a pity party. Get out the party hats, call your friends, get on a Zoom call or a Marco Polo. Just go all in on it for an hour.

Bring the wine, bring the Cheetos. Let it all out. Bitch, whine, moan about it. Grieve the race that should have been and then you’re done. I mean it. Just fucking stop. It is time to move on because you have a lot of choices, my friend. You can run your race on your own terms now.

Where you want and when you want. The only thing you don’t get to do is run it with 10,000 other people. So have your family set up aid stations and cheer zones and a finish line. Have them actually set up a finish – what do you call those things? Like a tape so you can actually cross over the tape.

Plan for all your friends to run it at the same time. Do a FaceTime call before you start. Check in at every mile. Make it a group activity, even if you’re not standing three feet away from each other. Or, you can actually make a different decision.

You can say, “I’m not going to run this race.” You can make a decision that you’re going to spend your fitness time right now working on your strength training, or maybe you’re spinning. Spin class. Or maybe just take a break from running altogether.

Whatever it is, I want you to just make a decision. Pick a path and move on it. Stop waiting around for your motivation to come back. Stop telling yourself you need a race to stay motivated to train. This is bullshit. You don’t need a race. Motivation is a feeling that comes from your thoughts. Think motivating thoughts and you will be motivated to run.

So a virtual race is a valid option, and right now, it’s the only option if you want to do a race. So whether you sign up for an official virtual race like The Rebel Run, or you just set it up on your own to just go out and do your miles, the miles that you run count. Your body doesn’t know the difference between whether you ran it with 20,000 other people or did it on your own.

Your body is like, hey, we did some miles today. And here is the other thing; sometimes people are mistaken in thinking that the race event, the activity of getting together with all these people and having spectators and so forth, that that is what makes it meaningful. No, that’s bullshit.

What makes it meaningful is your belief that it’s meaningful. So what if running your virtual race during a pandemic, if that was what was meaningful? Because you’re not going to live through another pandemic in your life, hopefully. So the things that you’re doing right now, this is sort of a once in a lifetime thing.

So what if you flipped the script and decided that a virtual race or the miles that you’re running during this pandemic are more meaningful than if you ran them during your regular race? What if you decided a virtual race is harder and more empowering than an in-person race and it makes you more badass?

That is the beauty of thoughts, my friends. You get to believe what you want about your running and make it mean whatever you want. And how you feel about your running is completely up to you. So choose wisely.

So you are not feeling meh about running right now because your race was canceled. You’re feeling meh, feeling indifferent about running because you are thinking that there’s nothing to look forward to. It’s not a fact. It’s just a belief that you have right now that is not very helpful.

When you believe there isn’t anything to look forward to, you feel kind of blah. You slack on your running. Running stops being fun because you made it not fun. The lack of a race is not what changed running for you. Your brain changed running for you. You created that result for yourself.

Now, if you want to use this pandemic as a break from running, I said that before, it’s totally fine. There’s nobody that’s going to say you’re wrong to stop running during the pandemic. What I don’t want you to do is just abdicate. Don’t just let it happen, just say, “Fuck it, I’m not going to run. I don’t care. It’s no fun anymore.”

Don’t let that happen and then wake up in two months saying, “Oh crap, I’ve lost all this fitness because I said fuck it.” Because you’re going to be pissed off at that point because you aren’t where you want to be. So if you’re going to take a break from running, I want you to do it deliberately. Take charge.

Either decide you’re going to run your race virtually or decide you’re going to do something different, and then execute on it. Make a plan. Make a decision and then go for it. It feels so powerful to make a decision because then you can go all in on whatever you decide.

When you make a decision, you’re not at the mercy of whatever is happening in the world. You are in charge. You are in control, and it feels good to be in control. So if you decide you’re going to keep running and keep training and do your races virtually, have some fun with it, my friend.

Ask your brain, “What is the most fun way to do this virtual race? What would make it totally awesome? What would make it really memorable and really special?” Because again, this is a memorable time, my friends. Very few of us have lived through a pandemic of this proportion.

And the things that you’re doing right now, they’re important. They’re worth remembering. How can you make a virtual race in the middle of a pandemic just the best thing ever? Now, for those of you who know about the PNP tribe, which is led by Corinne Crabtree, and if you don’t know about it, we’ll have a link in the show notes.

She puts on a really fun race event every May for her members, and it’s called the Don’t Stop Believing race. They call it the DSB for short. And it’s a 5K, 10K, and a half marathon all at once. Members come from all over the place to get together in Nashville and they run it together and it’s a beautiful event.

It’s a really cool weekend. There’s lots of good stuff happening. It’s just a big party. Her members look forward to it all year long. And of course, this year, it became a virtual event and there happens to be a lot of PNP tribe members that are also in Run Your Best Life.

And I was chatting with some of them about their disappointment that their beloved DSB race wasn’t going to be happening in person, and they’re like, “It’s just not the same.” And I said, “You know what, yeah, it looks different than you planned. It’s not what you were expected. It’s not what you were looking forward to. But the new circumstance is that the DSB is a virtual race. So you have a choice here.

What if you decide that you’re going to make this year something completely and totally special that will never happen again? What if you decided to make this virtual race a one of a kind, a once in a lifetime event? The pandemic version of the Don’t Stop Believing race. If you set your mind to making that happen, what will that look like?”

And in five years, they’ll still be talking about it. New members are going to say, “Oh god, I wish I’d been around the year that DSB was virtual. Damn, those girls really celebrated. I love how they talk about that weekend and the pictures are so cool. They made it really special. I just wish that I’d been around then.”

What if your experience was like that? If you wanted to create that experience for yourself, what kinds of things would you do? Who would you involve? How would you organize your run? What would you be thinking? What kinds of activities would you create?

So if you go into it with that mindset, whether you’re going DSB or a different race, if you go into with that mindset, letting your imagination run wild, there is no limit to how awesome you can make a virtual event. Alright my friends, I love you. Stay safe.

Register for The Rebel Run virtual race. Support the Northern Illinois Food Bank. Get your ass out there and run and I will see you in the next episode.

Oh, and one last thing. If you enjoyed listening to this episode, you have to check out the Rebel Runner Roadmap. It’s a 30-day online program that will teach you exactly how to start running, stick with it, and become the runner you’ve always wanted to be. Head on over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com to join. I’d love to be a part of your journey.