Ep #29: Rebel Runner Formula – Confidence

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who is midlife and plus sized and you want to start running but don’t know how, or if it’s even possible, you’re in the right place. Using proven strategies and real-life experience, certified running and life coach Jill Angie shares how you can learn to run in the body you have right now.

Hey rebels, you are listening to episode number 29 of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. I’m your host, Jill Angie, and today we are talking about the second part of the Rebel Runner Formula, which is confidence. We’re going to dig right in and find out exactly where you are right now with this skill and then start talking about the tools that you need to improve. And of course, my latest obsession this week has been a complete and total game changer for my runs, so I’m going to talk about that as well.

So whether you’re a brand-new runner, an experienced pro, or maybe even just contemplating it because all your crazy friends are doing it, you are in the right place.

Now, before we get into our main topic this week, I do want to mention a couple of things. And the first is that this podcast has officially surpassed 50,000 downloads, which completely amazes me and I just want to say thank you so much for all your support and for each of you that has written a review or recommended it to a friend. And the more that this show gets shared and downloaded, the more I’m able to keep bringing it to you each week, and I just want you to know that I appreciate each and every one of you so much.

And to that end, I do have a favor to ask. If you’re loving the show and you haven’t already done so, I would be eternally grateful if you’d head over to iTunes and give it a review. I mean, a glowing review, a five-star review would be awesome. But I mean, really, I just want you to be honest and let people know what you think. I’d also love it if you’d share your favorite episode on social media so that other people can find out about it.

Because here’s the deal: I have this vision of helping a million women get up and running, and that means that we’ve got a lot of sharing to do. So you can actually play a part in that by making sure the podcast gets visibility. And I mean, really just to show you how important it is, I want to share a listener story that was posted on Facebook last week. I did a Facebook live on July 4th in the free Facebook group, which by the way, the link to join that is in the show notes.

And during that live broadcast, Tammy posted this comment, and I just really need to share it with you because it gave me chills. So Tammy wrote, “My self story is that I cannot run because I basically have 1.5 lung capacity from a childhood illness. I have told myself I cannot run because of this, but I started listening to your podcast about six weeks ago and running intervals like you talked about. You gave me permission to not run straight through. You helped me understand that while I do have diminished lung capacity, it doesn’t mean I cannot run if I want to. And I want to. So today I ran my first virtual 5K, also something I didn’t know about until you, and it was awesome. Thank you, Jill Angie, for helping me change my story.”

I mean, come on. This is amazing. This is somebody who thought they couldn’t be a runner because of a – what they believed was a physical limitation, and just by listening to the podcast, they changed their story and they started running. I mean, congratulations, Tammy. I’m so glad you shared this because first of all, it made me feel really good because I love helping people, but I know that you sharing your story helps other people realize that they can change their own story. So that’s why it’s so important for us to get this podcast out there and for everyone to know about it.

So I’m just going to ask you, please leave a review, please share it on social media because I know there are dozens of other stories out there just like Tammy and I want there to be millions of them. So that’s it for my little beg and plead for you to share and review because you never know who you might be inspiring with your work.

Okay, so that’s enough of that. Let’s talk about confidence. And real quick, before we get into it, do you remember what a rebel runner is? So just for fun, we’re going to say together one more time. A rebel runner is a total badass rockstar who loves her body unconditionally and believes she is capable of some pretty epic shit. And every time I read that I just think, yeah, I kind of want to be that person, right?

So the formula to becoming a rebel runner includes consistency, confidence, and community, and this week we’re going to deep dive into confidence. Now, confidence is where you become an inspirational runner who other people admire. And it’s really all about loving your body and loving yourself unconditionally and believing that you’re not flawed, but rather that you’re just a kickass human. And this is also where we kick that inner mean girl to the curb.

Now, I do need to warn you, there’s going to be a lot of tough love ahead. And if you’ve been listening to the podcast for the past 29 episodes, you know that I’m big on the tough love. But you’re also a rebel and I know you can handle it.

So the first part of confidence is to put on your cape. So we’re going to stick with the superhero theme and what put on your cape means is really dress the part. Get the gear that a runner would wear. Even if you think you haven’t earned it or that you look silly, or that you’re a fraud, whatever bullshit story your inner mean girl has for you, I want you to just ignore it and putting on the gear, putting on your cape, dressing the part is kind of like fake it ’til you make it, in a way.

One thing I know for sure, for example, is that Robert Downey Jr. wouldn’t be iron man without his suit, right? He’d just be some skinny guy in jeans and a t-shirt, and don’t get me wrong, I’m all about RDJ, he’s a cutie patootie. But he’s not superhero, right? But then when he puts on his armor, he’s got these amazing powers, right? He’s a total badass and he has all kinds of confidence that he can do whatever is necessary to save the world.

And on a slightly smaller scale, that’s what the right running gear can do for you. So this means wearing running tights, and yes, people will see the size of your legs. They will see your ass. Your powerful running legs and the strong glutes that carry you forward. That’s what they’re going to see.

It also means wearing a tank top on the summer because badass rebel runners need to expose their skin so their sweat can evaporate properly. That’s how the body works. And a cool runner is a happy runner. So if it’s 90 fucking degrees outside, I want you wearing something sleeveless. Or better yet, run in your sports bra, for Pete’s sake. I mean, men go shirtless all the time and nobody says a word about it, so there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a woman running in her sports bra.

I don’t care what size you are. If you want to be a true rebel runner, put your comfort and your performance ahead of your vanity. You’re going to be so much stronger as a runner, if you’re not worried about how hot you are, if you’re not thinking, “Oh gosh, I can’t wear sleeveless because somebody might see my arms,” I want you to just stop it. Put your running comfort, your running performance and all of that ahead of what your worries are about people’s opinions about what your arms look like or what your ass looks like in those tights.

It also means getting a proper shoe fitting. At a running store, in public, where there will be other runners. Runners that are thin. And here’s what’s going to happen: you’re going to think all kinds of bullshit thoughts that you don’t belong there or that the staff there doesn’t want to help you because of your size, or some other reason.

So first of all, let’s just establish the fact that you’re a runner and you belong in a running store. If you run, you are a runner. Runners go to running stores to buy their gear. So go on, try and argue with me. You can’t. If you run, you belong there. That’s just how it works. So we’re going to stop worrying about that right now.

Now, the next thing is what if the staff gives you a funny look or this is my favorite, if they come up to you and they say, “Hey, can I help you? Are you shopping for someone else?” While I can’t control the sales people, but if they do any of those things, they’re just confused. They probably haven’t seen a rebel runner out in the wild and they just don’t know what to do. That’s all there is to it.

Believe it or not, there actually are people on this planet who think you need to be like, a size six to be a runner. Or that real runners all do a mile in like, seven minutes or less. And like I said, they’re just confused. They’re just – they’ve never been exposed to the awesomeness that is you, that’s all there is to it.

So you have a couple choices. You can always educate them or how runners come in all shapes and sizes, you can tell them like, “Hey, I’m a runner. I know I might not look like your vision of a runner but I promise you I run and I love it, and I’m really good at it.” So you can tell them that. Or you can just ask for what you need and let them figure it out on their own and watch them scratch their heads and kind of like smile to yourself and think, “It’s so cute, look how confused they are.”

Either way, their opinion of you is really none of your business. I mean that so deeply. What is your business is whether you are going to get a good shoe fitting out of it, right? So be prepared to talk about your running habits, your weekly mileage, what type of surface do you run on. Do you go outdoors, do you run on a treadmill, how often do you run? Let them help you. It is their job. The store that they work for is paying them to get you in the right shoes. So just let them help you. It’s that simple.

Okay, I know some of that may have been a little hard to hear, and I’m sorry about that. But sometimes when it comes to working on various aspects of your confidence, especially around running, we need the cold, hard truth. I could coddle you through it for sure, but it’s way more effective for me to just tell you the truth.

So the truth is I want you to stop worrying about what other people are thinking. They’re going to have opinions no matter what. And if you allow somebody else’s opinion, whether they’ve spoken it aloud or whether it’s an opinion that you’re imagining that they have, if you allow that to keep you from being the best runner you can be, you’re really missing out. So you do you. You’re a rebel runner. Rebel runners wear tights and tank tops. They run in their sports bras on hot days. They go to running stores and they get fitted for shoes.

I am not asking you to a Tough Mudder with electric wires and ice water pools, for fuck’s sake. I’m asking you to go shopping and wear clothes that will make you a better runner. That’s all. So hopefully you’re still with me. This is going to be a tough episode.

Next, we’re going to talk about finding your inner warrior. Now, this is really a continuation of putting on your cape, and it’s where you’ve put on your cape and now you’re going to start owning that identity as a runner, start coming out of the closet, telling people what you’re doing, posting your stuff on Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat or wherever. Telling your family and friends that you’re a runner, making them come to finish lines to celebrate with you, and – or go out on training runs, possibly.

And this is where we start talking about our running with like, that little follow up of, oh, I run but actually I run-walk, or I walk – because sometimes people combine walking and jogging into the one word, they call it wogging. I hate that word. I hate it because it’s so self-deprecating. It’s so like, I don’t want to own my awesomeness so I’m going to make up a shitty word for it. So don’t call yourself a wogger, please.

But we talk about our running and we follow it up with, oh, but I’m a wogger or I run-walk, or I’m really slow, or I only do 5Ks, right? If you’re going to be a rebel runner, we need to stop that immediately. You got to own it. You cannot spend time worrying about what other people are going to think. And I know I keep coming back around to this, but if I teach you only one thing through this podcast, it’s this: other people’s opinion of you is none of your fucking business.

For real. Whether they hate you, whether they love you, whether they could care less about you, they get to think what they want. It’s their prerogative as a human. Just like you get to think what you want and what your opinion is is nobody else’s business. It works both ways. So that means if you decide you want to run like a badass, it’s your business and nobody else’s. And somebody else can think that you’re not a badass, and that’s fine. They get to think that. It’s all good.

But I really want you to think hard about this and understand what I’m saying because if someone else thinks that you really have no business being a runner, if they have all kinds of opinions about your speed or what you look like in those tights or how long it took you to finish your first 5K, if they have those opinions, do you really want to listen to that person and put them in charge of your life choices? If somebody thinks that you have no business being a runner, is that really who you want to be the boss of you?

Because what’s happening is if you put yourself out there on Facebook, somebody makes a derogatory comment and then you think, “Oh, that’s it, I quit. I can’t do this anymore. People think I’m bad at this,” or whatever they think, you’re literally giving someone else the responsibility for your opinion about yourself.

It’s like if you went to – you wanted to hire a cleaning person for your home and you hired a garbage man. And he came in your house and he just got off the garbage truck and he’s got like, dirt all over his clothes and everything and he cleans your house and it’s dirtier than when he got there, and you’re like, I don’t understand what just happened. Well, you hired the wrong person for the job. Hire somebody who comes in with like, a vacuum cleaner and a mop and cleaning supplies to clean your house. You don’t hire a garbage man, right?

No offence to garbage men. It’s a very important job and they do an amazing job, but I’m not going to hire somebody to like, get off their shift driving a garbage truck to come clean my house. So when you allow somebody who has a negative opinion of you to decide that that’s the opinion you should have. You’re hiring somebody who’s totally unqualified for the job of deciding your self-worth. You’re basically saying, “Yeah, you think really shitty things about me, that’s awesome. I’m going to put you in charge of my feelings.”

This is a terrible idea. And half the time it’s probably some stranger or like, some idiot you knew in high school that you didn’t like then and you’re not even sure why you accepted the friend request, and you’re like, oh yeah, that jerk from high school, that’s the opinion that I’m going to choose to think about myself. So just stop doing that, okay?

The more that you put yourself out there and really own your own shit, own your own badassery, the stronger and more powerful and more proud you will feel about yourself. There’s something really amazing about telling the truth about yourself in public. And that means putting an actual picture of yourself in running gear, holding your first race medal. Like, it’s scary to do that, I get it. But once it’s done, it’s like, okay world, bring it on. There’s nothing you can say to me that isn’t harsher than what I say to myself and I get to decide what my opinion of me is, not you.

So finding your inner warrior is all about realizing that you get to decide what you believe and think about yourself. Decide on purpose what you want that to be. On purpose. Not just whatever you’ve been told or whatever any random person happens to think about you. Decide on purpose for yourself what you want your opinion to be and then shout that shit from the rooftops.

Moving right along. I was going to have opinions for you this week. Alright, our final section of confidence is called slaying the super villain. And this is where we really shut down that inner mean girl. Now, in the last section, we covered how to deal with other people’s opinions, but as you know, your worst critic is really that nasty voice in your head, right? There’s nothing that somebody else can say to you that you haven’t said way worse to yourself.

Things like, “Oh, you’re too slow, you’re too fat, you’re too old, you’re not a real runner, you look terrible in those tights, people are laughing at you.” That last one always gets me. So we hear those voices, we all hear them in our heads, and getting rid of them or at least getting them under control is really critical to becoming a true rebel runner because I’ll tell you what: training runs are a lot less fun when you’re arguing with your inner mean girl the entire way.

It’s like you’ve got a million mean girls lined up along the path shouting insults at you the whole time. And the root of most of it, I think, is body image because most of us don’t look like a typical runner so our inner mean girl already has like, that starting point for her crap. And most of us are taught from a very young age that thin is desirable, that thin is healthier. And we don’t even realize we have that loop running in the back of our head, that story. We just think it’s true. But in reality, it’s something you’ve been programmed to believe.

And you’ve been telling yourself that story and other people have been telling you that story for so long, it just seems like a fact at this point. So the key to getting rid of the inner mean girl is just to ask yourself, “What is my story isn’t true?” It’s a pretty powerful question. And if you knew that the story wasn’t true, if you knew that the story that you’re too fat to run or the story that you’re too slow, or the story that you’re just not cut out to be a runner, because that’s all those are, they’re just stories. If you knew those stories weren’t true, what story would you want to tell instead?

If you could choose any story in the world and spoiler alert, you can do that, would you really want to keep the negative loop in your head that says you shouldn’t be a runner? I don’t think so. So the good news is you get to retell your story however you want it. Like, I want you to literally write it down and practice thinking it on purpose, and then every time your inner mean girl disagrees with you, you gently bring her back around and say, hey, you know what, it’s the new math.

It’s the new – I don’t even know what they call the new math now it’s so new. It’s got a whole new name, but it’s like, hey, we don’t do it that way anymore. We’re practicing a new way of doing it, this is the new story, and just keep reminding her. Just bring her back around. I know, you forgot, that’s the story we used to tell, we don’t tell that anymore. We have a new one.

Okay, so all that being said, I have a really important question for you. What do you think it will do to your long-term success if you don’t get this stuff figured out? Like, really think about it. Because here’s what I believe: if you don’t get it figured out, I mean, you might keep running, but you’re not going to have a lot of fun with it.

And every time somebody says, oh, how great it is that you’re a runner, they’re going to compliment you on your running and you’re going to remind them that you’re slow or that you have to walk, or any of the other million bullshit reasons you have in your head for why you’re not a real runner, so somebody’s going to compliment you, and then you’re going to give them all the reasons that they’re wrong. You’re going to argue with them. They’re going to say you’re amazing and you’re going to be like, “No, really, I’m not, and here’s why.”

So we’re going to stop doing that. But if you keep doing that, what I predict will happen is you’ll probably keep running for a while but eventually you’ll give up because nobody can keep up that kind of training when there’s constantly a barrage of insults being hurled at them inside their own head. Oh, it’s awful.

So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to think about those three areas that make up confidence, that putting on your cape, and finding your inner warrior, and slaying the super villain. Think about those three areas, decide which of them is your strongest area, and then which of those areas you think you might need some work. And then decide what story you want to tell about yourself, what kind of runner you really want to be. And then make a plan to install that story in your brain like software. Get busy on it.

Or even better, join Run Your Best Life and we will work on it together. Because I do a lot of that work in the group Run Your Best Life. We talk a lot about the inner story and we figure out how to retell it.

So that is what I’ve got to tell you about confidence this week, and now we’re going to move on to my current amazing obsession, which is headphones. And specifically, it’s a pretty amazing pair of wireless ear buds that I just started using and I love, love, love, love, love them. I’ve actually got them in right now. They’re part of my whole podcast set up now.

And they are the Apple AirPods. So I had seen a ton of people using them, and to be honest, I was fairly skeptical because they kind of look like they would fall out easily, I wasn’t really too keen on the idea of losing $150 ear buds. These are not cheap.

But I really like wireless ear buds because here’s the deal: I wear a lot of running skirts, and usually I wear skirts, sports skirts and they do have a little tiny hole in the skirt so that you can run your headphone wire through the hole and then plug it into your phone, which sits in a pocket on the side of your leg. And that’s amazing.

But every time I want to pull my phone out, the headphone wire is going through the skirt and so what happens is I pull the phone out and my whole skirt flies up, which is fine but it’s a pain in the ass. So I was like, I really prefer wireless headphones because there’s no cord and then I don’t have to worry about threading the cord through or just anything. I just don’t have to worry about a cord at all.

So I tried about five other styles, some really – I tried a pair at $200, Beats wireless headphones, and they sucked. They were sport Beats, or their sport Powerbeats, I don’t know what they were. But what happened was the sound was always cutting out like, they just were not – I don’t know. I don’t know what the problem was, maybe it was user error.

But I tried them, and I’ve tried like, literally four other styles of wireless headphones thinking, okay, maybe this is the one. Anything from like $5 pair on up to this $200 pair, and I had problems with all of them. And they wouldn’t stay in my ears, the sound would cut out, or the ones – most of them were connected to each other by a wire. So you didn’t have a wire that plugged into your phone but the headphones were connected to each other, and then the wire would get tangled or I would forget to charge them.

It was just a royal pain in the ass. So one thing I do know for sure is that my regular Apple ear buds, the ones that do have a wire, they never fall out and the sound quality was pretty damn good. So I decided to give the AirPods a try, just for the heck of it, and oh my god, they blew away the competition.

So they stay securely in my ears, there’s no cord between them to tangle them up at all, the case where you charge them is super solid, it’s really easy to use. The whole thing is just amazingly well done. Like, pretty much everything Apple does is always pretty high quality. The sound quality is great, I can control them with my watch, with my Apple watch, with my iPhone, or just with my voice. I can just say, “Hey Siri, turn up the volume.” Or I can just double tap them, which pauses the sound or advances to the next song. So they’re really, really good, high quality ear buds and I was sort of blown away.

So they’re also really low profile so I can actually wear them during Facebook live videos and not have to worry about a cord in front of my face. And so I know that for most people is not a concern, but it is a concern for me, and I know they’re definitely an investment, but if you’re looking to reward yourself, like, if you’re going to train for a half marathon and you want a really good reward for yourself afterwards, I can highly recommend these.

Or whatever goal you’re going after, if you’re like, oh, I’m going to try to do a month of running three times a week and I’m going to reward myself with something afterwards, these are a great option. And they even work with Android devices, so if you have Bluetooth, these AirPods will work. So if you’ve been on the fence like I was, wondering if they’re really worth the money, they are and I suggest that you give them a try.

Alright, that is it for the week. Everything I mentioned in this episode can be found in the show notes at notyouraveragerunner.com/29, and if you have decided after all of the tough love that I gave you this week, that you’re ready to get started with running, if today is that day and you’ve hit the tipping point, I want you to grab your free jumpstart plan over at notyouraveragerunner.com/start and let’s do this thing, alright?

Alright, so I’m actually going to be back in two days because we’re doing Saturday interviews now. I’m going to be back in two days with an interview from somebody who is an expert at running Disney races and planning the whole vacation, and she’s going to talk to you about how to get the best chance of getting in the race that you want and then how to plan your best vacation around it so that you really, really enjoy yourself. And then some strategies for race day if you’re – for your Disney race.

So her name is Christine Suhr, and she’s amazing. And so make that you tune back in on Saturday. Download that episode, it’s going to be episode number 30 and find out all about Disney running, which I’ll tell you what, the interview is amazing and I learned so much because I’ve never done a Disney race myself, and honestly, Christine’s excitement over it has got me thinking that I’ll probably do one in 2019.

So that’s it for this week, hope you have a great week and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you liked what you heard and want more, head over to www.notyouraveragerunner.com to download your free one-week jumpstart plan and get started running today.