Ep #22: Making a Scene & Dressing for Success with Susan Hyatt

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who is midlife and plus sized and you want to start running but don’t know how, or if it’s even possible, you’re in the right place. Using proven strategies and real-life experience, certified running and life coach Jill Angie shares how you can learn to run in the body you have right now.

You are listening to number 22 of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. I’m your host, Jill Angie, and I am beyond excited for today’s special interview with the fabulous Susan Hyatt. Now, she’s someone I’ve had a girl crush on for years and years and getting to interview her was pretty much a dream come true.

Now, for those of you that don’t know, Susan is a master certified life coach, weight loss expert, and the author of BARE. She is the creator of the trademarked BARE Process, the BARE Deck, and a podcast called BARE, and an online community called BARE Daily. And now, BARE is spelled BARE.

With her fiery Facebook rants, including Whoop Ass Wednesdays, which is one of my favorites, where she reads a fresh batch of hate mail from internet trolls, and she gives her sassiest response, Susan has gained an international following of women who love her honesty, humor, and fearlessness, and I count myself among that international following for sure.

Susan’s been featured in Cosmo, in Women’s World, in Seventeen, and in the Oprah fucking magazine, people. And when she’s not coaching clients, you can find her lifting weights at the gym, lacing up her sneakers for a 5am run, or broadcasting live on her Facebook page to talk about things like transformation, or courage, standing up to bullies, and that includes the bullies that live inside your own mind. Inner mean girl, I’m talking to you.

She also broadcasts about taking excellent care of your body and creating the life that you crave. So you can find Susan online at shyatt.com, and that’ll be in the show notes for you. Now, without further ado, let’s say hello to Susan.

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Jill: Hey everyone, so I am here today with the amazing Susan Hyatt, and I have to admit, I have a little bit of a girl crush on her so I’m kind of fangirling here.

Susan: Well, I have a crush – it’s a mutual crush. Mutual admiration.

Jill: This is awesome. Alright, I’m so glad to hear that. But Susan is a life coach and she’s a runner and she’s a business coach, and she’s a crossfitter, and she’s just like a fantastic human being. And so we’re just going to talk about so much good stuff today. So first I want to say thank you so much for joining me today.

Susan: It’s my pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Jill: Yes, so okay, so I’ve got a million questions for you, I’m just going to start and then we’ll probably riff from there. But so you are a life coach and you specialize in one of my favorite topics, which is body positivity. And the BARE Program that you’ve created is just flat out amazing, and it’s not just a bunch of like, affirmations, right? It’s a whole system. So like, I’d love to hear – I mean, I just joined the BARE Program myself recently, and I would actually just love to hear more about that and what the goal is and just tell me everything.

Susan: Sure, absolutely. So BARE actually was born as a result of me just paying attention to what my weight loss clients were really struggling with. So I just celebrated my 11th anniversary in business, and so for really nine years of that or eight years of that, I was a weight loss coach. And I discovered that I could help lots of women lose weight, but the deeper work was really helping them love and accept themselves as they’re appearing in the world regardless of weight. Because I would help someone lose weight and then their minds would shift critically to well, now I have stretch marks or all this excess skin, or I’m still – five more pounds, five more pounds, or it would shift to aging. So you know, I started to discover that I had a knack for helping women learn how to love and accept themselves and I went to work to put that together into a process, which I now call BARE. And so I’m a real action-oriented coach, and I decided that the secret sauce in helping my clients with progress and love and acceptance of who they are, how they appear in the world, was through some of the homework assignments that I would assign. And so I was like, what are the homework assignments that I assign my clients to do that seem easy, or not easy, but like, I call it going through the backdoor on my clients. They think, “Oh, I’m just going to clean out my closet. My coach assigned me this job that I have to get rid of clothes that don’t fit.” But when they go and do these seemingly benign assignments, all their stuff comes up, and then we can coach on you know, why are you holding on to all like, 10 different sizes, and you know, why are you sitting in front of the TV and eating your meal without you know, engaging with another human being? So BARE is really a process that I think is fun and unorthodox that helps brings a woman back to herself.

Jill: I love that so much, and I am ashamed of my closet because there are definitely like – there are at least three different sizes in my closet and I may have my tennis skirt from ninth grade under the bed somewhere.

Susan: Your tennis skirt from ninth grade. Pictures or it doesn’t exist. I need to see this in the BARE community.

Jill: Well, it basically only fits one leg right now so.

Susan: So are you holding on to that skirt because you’re sentimental about it or what?

Jill: Partly sentimental because I played – wait a minute, you’re coaching me.

Susan: You’re like, wait, hold up, this isn’t a coaching session, this is an interview.

Jill: Yeah, but that’s a great question and I think there’s probably a lot of folks out there that are doing kind of the same thing. For me, it’s definitely sentimental because I have a lot of great memories of being on the tennis team when I was in high school and it was, you know, one of the last times I remember being athletic in my life. But also, I definitely…

Susan: Wait, Jill.

Jill: No, I was going to clarify – until I started running.

Susan: I was about to say, how about yesterday like, you are a runner.

Jill: Yeah, but I – there was definitely a long period of time where I did not feel athletic in any way shape or form, and so I think for me, you know, remembering that I was like, a varsity tennis player at one point in time definitely feels – like, it brings me a good feeling when I come across the skirt, which is – it’s in the same bin as my Raggedy Ann doll.

Susan: I had a Raggedy Ann.

Jill: I know, so it’s kind of in the memory bin, but yeah, but then I also had this like, hey, maybe I’ll fit into that someday kind of thing. So it’s just fascinating, like – I mean, what are some of the stories that your clients have when they go through their closets?

Susan: So what’s typical is people fall into different camps. So there are the clients and I was one of these folks who have like, 11 different pairs of jeans in multiple sizes, and they’re afraid to let go of larger sizes because they don’t trust their bodies or trust themselves that they’re not going to gain a lot of weight. Then there’s the opposite. There are people who are holding on to sizes that are way smaller than they are because it’s their ambition wardrobe they’re going to – you know, maybe they – and I used to do this as well, they bought a really hot dress in a small size thinking that that would motivate them to lose a bunch of weight, and so it hangs in their closet and makes them feel like shit every time they see it. And so then there are the people who aren’t really sure what size they are because all the clothing is unflattering and just meant to hide whatever their body actually looks like. And so many people run into, you know, issues like, “Oh no, I can’t let go of the larger – what if I do gain weight?” And then, “No, I’m not going to get rid of the smaller sizes because I’m going to fit back into it.” Or, “I spent a lot of money on all these clothes and you’re telling me to get these out of my closet.”

So there’s guilt that comes up around that. Or also people who are holding on to things for sentimental reasons. Now, I’m going to give your tennis skirt a pass because I would hold on to that as well with Raggedy Ann. Like, if it’s the memory bin that’s totally cool. You should frame it. Like, get one of those shadow boxes and do it up. But I think that there are people – I was holding on to this really awful sweater that my daughter bought me with her own money when she was like, I don’t know, 10 or something, and it was something I wore around the house just to make her feel like I liked the gift that she gave me, but I think there are tons of women and many of my clients who are walking around in life wearing stuff that other people gave them because they feel obligated to, and so you know, part of that particular tool is really helping a women realize that you – you know, the fibers that you put on your body, if you hate them, that’s going to have an effect on how you show up in the world. And so what you’re putting against your skin, you should treat as precious and that should spark joy. And so you know, it’s really walking a woman through all the thoughts and emotions that come up around that.

Jill: I love that so, so much. Like, just the – it’s not so much the appearance that you present to the rest of the world but just that like, it’s touching your body.

Susan: Yes.

Jill: Touching your most precious possession.

Susan: And I actually listened to a podcast and it talked about the magical energy of clothing. And it’s not about – even though I love fashion, it’s not about what everybody else thinks. It’s about how it makes you feel when you put it on your body so that you’re showing up in a way that feels good to you. And listen, half the time I’m in my athletic wear, my running clothes, but I make sure that the running clothes that I have I love them. I feel amazing in them. I actually like my athletic wardrobe more than I like my regular wardrobe. So it’s not like you know, there are women that are like, “I feel lazy and dirty when I do that,” and I’m like, I do not. I am all about my whatever, Lululemon, Athleta, whatever. I love it.

Jill: Well yeah, and I’ve seen some of your workout gear and it is just stunning. So like…

Susan: I take it seriously.

Jill: Yeah, for sure. Me too though, and I think that’s one of the first things that I do with my clients is if I see them wearing like, baggy sweatpants and t-shirts to run in, I’m like, hey, let’s start dressing like the runner you want to be and like, let’s stop hiding our bodies and start like, revealing them, I guess, which I think like, is super valuable. I love all that so much. Okay, so here’s what I’d love to know your thoughts on because I know that a lot of my listeners are struggling with this kind of question is okay, I do all this work to love and accept my body exactly the way it is, does that mean that I shouldn’t want to lose weight? Like, are those at cross-purposes, what’s the deal with that?

Susan: It’s such a good question because years ago I wrote a blog post called there’s a difference between letting yourself go and letting yourself be. And so a lot of clients will think, “Oh, well, if I just love myself, you know, I’m just” – they don’t trust themselves that they’re not then going to be going through the McDonalds drive through four or five times a day, which was me at one point. And the absolute opposite is true that if you are really in love and appreciation of yourself and taking exceptional care of yourself, you’re going to end up doing things that are in service to yourself and to your body. However, the second part of that is that you can love something and want to adjust and change it at the same time, which within the body positivity movement, there’s a lot of conflict around this and I fall kind of firmly in the middle where I think just like I can love my country and want to change it, just like I can love my marriage and want to change it, just like I can love what I do for a living and make adjustments, I can love and appreciate this godpod with every fiber of my being and also go do hip thrusts at the gym because I want some booty poppin’. It’s all fine. And it’s – I think that there’s this idea that weight loss as a goal is evil. I don’t believe that.

I think that weight loss from a place of deprivation and self-hate and harm is a problem but like, when I was 35 pounds heavier than I am today, I knew that I was doing things that were not in service to myself. You know, I wasn’t – it wasn’t helpful to me to go through the McDonalds drive through as often as I was. But so in my opinion, it doesn’t make it wrong to love and accept myself no matter how my body’s appearing, but then also have the knowledge that you know, I’m not at my natural weight and I’m not at my natural weight because of all the Big Macs I’ve been consuming.

Jill: Yeah, and that’s just such a great way to put it is that you can love something and still want to change it from a place of love. Because we all know that you can’t hate yourself thin.

Susan: No.

Jill: But I mean, you can but then you know, it bounces right back again. So it’s like…

Susan: It’s not a good solution. It’s like being on a whipping post. And you know, and I’ve done that too. You know, I did that for many years. So it’s just a matter of like, I can totally love myself. I can totally love my kids, I can totally love this country and also have goals that are healthy.

Jill: Yeah, right. You always want to be evolving to be the best version of yourself, the best – you know, the best version of whatever that you can be. And yeah, I’m completely in agreement with that. And I think one of things I’ve noticed is that there is this trend of, you know, well, you can’t shame yourself for being fat, but then we have a bunch of folks who seem to shame people for not wanting to be fat. And it’s like, it’s the exact same thing. So I’m like, let’s just stop shaming everybody…

Susan: Yeah, let’s just let everybody like – and I’m also like if you don’t give a rip about being healthy and losing weight. Awesome. Like, I’m not – I’m also not the health police where I’m like, like, you know that’s from HoHos, you really shouldn’t – you know, it’s like, I don’t think that it’s any of our job to tell another woman what she should and shouldn’t do with her very own body.

Jill: Yes, brilliantly said. Brilliantly said. So that actually kind of leads me into the next thing that I want to talk about, which is your Make a Scene movement that is – like, I actually see the hashtag on Instagram and stuff and I think it’s amazing. So two things. So first of all, my listeners deal with people – first of all, catcalling them out of cars, which blows my mind. I’m like, if that’s – that is the least creative way to insult somebody is when you’re driving by, but whatever.

Like, come on, is that all you got? But also, people who are not runners, but then they – like, one of my clients recently, she went to a party, she had people to her house for a party and somebody saw her race medals and said, “Oh, those must be participation medals,” instead of saying, “Wow, you’ve done seven half marathons,” and kind of really getting into that. So what I find is that my – you know, the folks in my community don’t really know what to say about that because they don’t want to make a scene. So I would love to hear your thoughts on what it means to make a scene, why it’s so important, and maybe some tips on what people can say back when they get haters about their body and about their running.

Susan: Yes, so make a scene was born – I guess it was three years ago, maybe four. I was on a run and encountered a young woman – two young women, college age, walking a puppy and you know, on the beginning of my run I stopped, I pet the little puppy, oh how cute, I went on, and on – it was the last mile coming back, when I rounded the corner, I saw off in the distance the two girls, the puppy’s leash wrapped around the owner’s legs and she was leaning back like this, and she was leaning back because a very large male was screaming in her face.

And I remember my mama bear really kicked in and I just started sprinting towards them screaming. Her friend was like, waving to me for help. You know, I’m all of 5’3, I’m not a physically intimidating person, I’m not sure what I thought I was going to do, but I was making a scene. And you know, this young kid was like, all mouthy with me but I basically was like, “Hey listen, I just called my son and he and all his friends are going to line up behind me to kick your ass if you don’t move on.” And so he had a friend like in a parked car that was like, “Hey, stop being an idiot, come on,” and the girls are crying. It was this huge like, public display of domestic abuse, really. And so he did leave after he called us every name in the book. And when he left, she sunk down onto the sidewalk crying and I was like, “Oh my gosh,” I knelt down and I was comforting her and she said, “I’m just so embarrassed that we made a scene.” And it just like, clicked in me because this was something – I don’t know if you were raised this way, but I was raised in a southern Catholic town and my mom was always like, “Don’t make a scene. Don’t be too much. And what will the neighbors think,” and all that kind of messaging, and I was just like, “You know what, you and your life are worth making a scene over, and that guy, like not so much.” And so I walked her home and I made her promise to tell her mom and I’m just going to make the long story short, it does end happily. Months later she texted me and told me that she was going back to college. She had dumped this guy and he was mad that she broke up with him. And I really thought about that and I thought, you know, how often women don’t make a scene, don’t use their voices, don’t speak up for themselves, don’t ask for the raise because we have been taught not to.

So that’s when – first I wrote a blog about it and then it became a program of mine where I really want to help women recognize all the way in their life, the little ways and the big ways that they don’t make a scene and change that. So back to your question about your client and the medals and like, when people catcall and when people diminish, patronize a woman’s accomplishments because that’s really what was happening, is one of the things that I say because it happens to me as well is I – my favorite right now is to say, “Why would you say something like that to me?” Just bounce it back. Because then it lets them know like, what you just said is not okay but I’m curious why. So you’re not automatically jumping to a conclusion and making up a story. You’re letting them explain themselves and it usually is met with like, “Uh oh, I need to exit this situations,” or they’ll say like, “Well” – so with your client, you know, this person may say – may check themselves and realize like, “Oh my gosh, I just totally made the assumption that she’s not a strong enough runner or she’s not athletic enough to actually have run these races,” or if they do say what you thought, then you can correct them. But I – the days are over in my life because I spent the first 32 years of my life really swallowing it, not speaking up, making nice, being polite doing all the right things, and it’ll only get you so far, but what it got me was in a career that was lucrative but soul sucking, and putting up with a structure at a parochial school for my son that wasn’t a good fit, and not standing up for what I wanted in my marriage.

And you know, when I became a coach and found my voice and really started exercising and practicing what it means to be a woman who’s in charge of her own destiny, you know, the whole sky opened up for me. And so I just want that for every woman that it could be little things to start with are like, asking for the table you want a restaurant. How many of us will sit next to the dirty kitchen and not say, “Actually, I’d rather have that booth over there,” or speaking up in a staff meeting, or going to your boss and saying, “Hey, I haven’t had a raise in four years and these are all the things that I’ve done that I think warrant a major salary increase.” You know, it’s asking for what you want.

Jill: I love that so much, right? Because it’s less about, you know, confronting somebody else and more about stepping up for your own rights, right? Like, it doesn’t diminish other people, it just raises you up.

Susan: Right. So when I tell the make a scene story, it’s like, I’m not suggesting that everyone put themselves in a dangerous domestic violence situation, you know, because after the fact I was sort of like, “Wow, that could have gone really poorly.” But it’s more about recognizing within your own life where there’s a disparity between what you want and advocate for yourself and if you have a big enough voice, a big enough platform, absolutely advocate for others.

Jill: Yeah, for sure. I mean, I think that’s it. Like, we can’t advocate for others until we start advocating for ourselves. Like, what’s that old saying? Like, you can’t help somebody on a plane until you put your own oxygen mask on first.

Susan: Yeah. I know. It’s interesting, and the trickledown effect or the domino effect of a woman who makes a scene, I’ve seen it in my own life and with clients and friends, it’s so huge. You know, when women are like enough – I mean, look at the Me Too campaign. When women start to say, “Actually, why would you say that to me? No mas.” The world changes.

Jill: Yes, agreed. And I think it’s just like, it’s so important for us to advocate for ourselves in a way that’s visible to other women so that like, it’s not just like, us going around saying, “Hey, it’s okay to ask for what you want,” but like, actually demonstrating it and living it because people are always watching. I say this to my runners all the time when you never know when somebody is watching what you’re doing and the wheels are turning in their brain and thinking, “Hey, if she’s doing that, maybe I can do it too.” And so it’s just – yes, so important for us to live that message every day. I’m getting chills.

Susan: Me too. Me too.

Jill: So alright, I mean, that is like, super helpful I think for everybody but definitely for my runners and I really appreciate how you framed that. So I know that we’re kind of running low on time, but I wanted to – I want to circle back to the BARE Program and like, I know there’s a lot of different ways that people can interact with that, so can you tell us a little bit about that?

Susan: Yeah, so the easiest way for people there is there is a BARE Podcast and it’s on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, you know, all the places where you would access your podcasts. There are two seasons. So season one has been out since January, and season two by the time this airs will be out, and, it’s an amazing line up of some amazing women.

Jill: I’m going to have to interrupt you there because spoiler alert, Mirna Valerio is on – on episode two?

Susan: I think she’s episode four but I could – I can’t remember exactly what episode.

Jill: But you drop them like Netflix, right? Like, the whole season drops at once?

Susan: Yeah.

Jill: Great, so you can binge listen to that, but I know all of y’all that are listening right now are like, “Wait what, Mirna’s going to be on the podcast?”

Susan: Mirna!

Jill: She is such a fucking rockstar so go listen to that.

Susan: I love her so much and I’m so proud of her National Geographic…

Jill: I know, oh my god, it’s amazing.

Susan: So amazing. And I’m promoting somebody else’s book, but The Body Is Not an Apology, Sonya Renee Taylor is a guest as well and her episode is fire as well. But yes, so people can listen to the podcast. They can join the BARE Daily membership community and then my book, BARE is coming out in January. So it’ll hit bookstores in January 2019 and I’m really excited about it. I just saw the cover and it’s starting to become really real.

Jill: Oh my gosh, I can’t believe that like – because I remember a couple years ago when you were like, I got this book deal and it’s just come so far since then.

Susan: Yeah, it’s been a hole, but it’s totally worth it.

Jill: Totally worth it. So where can people like, find you and where can – so they’ve got the BARE Podcast that they can download, like how can they find the community, how can they find you?

Susan: Sure. So the easiest way is to just go to my website, which is shyatt.com, and I’m also all over social media so Susan Hyatt on Facebook, on Instagram, and I’m very active on social media so say hi, and hope to see you in the membership community.

Jill: And I can attest to the fact that she will say hi back because she’s super social like that. And just one more thing that I need to share. So I am a huge traveller and I went to your website this morning just because it’s just the prettiest website ever, and so I have to admit, I do visit it from time to time to just see what’s going on and so I just downloaded your travel magazine Rise & Soar and I was kind of like flipping through that and I was like, I have got to get myself on one of those retreats. So they just look amazing and everybody comes back all glowy so yeah.

Susan: Thank you. I do love to do retreats and – because of the book I have slowed down the amount of international retreats that I typically do, but the one that’s coming up is Italy in September.

Jill: Oh my god, that would be my favorite. That one’s probably sold out, isn’t it?

Susan: It actually – there is one spot available because somebody switched jobs and had to back out. So if you want to go Jill, you can go. But it’ll be sold out by the time this episode airs.

Jill: Yeah, it probably will. Well, you guys, just make sure you check her website because she frequently has like, new – the Downton Abbey one looked ridiculously good too. Anyway…

Susan: That was so good.

Jill: Yeah, I was like, the dates just didn’t work out for me and I was like, oh my god, the Downton Abbey house. I’m like, still brokenhearted that that show ended.

Susan: Me too, me too. That was my favorite.

Jill: Yeah. Well, maybe we should make a scene about that. Bring it back.

Susan: Make them write new episodes. Julian Fellowes, write more episodes.

Jill: Yes, yes, stand up for ourselves. Well, thank you so very, very much, Susan for being on the show today. It’s been a pleasure and I know that everybody got a lot out of this because it’s just such amazing stuff.

Susan: Thank you. It’s my pleasure.

Jill: Yeah, so take care and yeah, we’ll talk soon.

Susan: Thank you.

Jill: Alright, bye.

Susan: Bye.

Well hey that was fun with a capital F, wasn’t it? I hope you enjoyed our chat and if you want to get more of Susan’s magic, you can find her at shyatt.com. And of course, on Facebook and Instagram. Her Instagram feed is amazing, by the way. Now, all of these links are going to be in the show notes at www.notyouraveragerunner.com/22, and I will talk to y’all next week. Bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you liked what you heard and want more, head over to www.notyouraveragerunner.com to download your free one-week jumpstart plan and get started running today.http://notyouraveragerunner.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/NYAR-Transcript-022.pdf