Ep #326 Taking care of yourself when you’re also taking care of aging parents

Jill: Welcome to The Run Your Best Life edition of the Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a GenX woman whose brain still feels like a member of the breakfast club but the person you see in the mirror is starting to look a lot like your parents, you are in the right place. I’m your host, Jill Angie and we’re gonna dive into all the weird shit Gen X women are facing right now, so you feel less alone and a lot more empowered. Are you ready? Let’s fucking go!

Hello, my friends and welcome back to the Run Your Best Life series where I talk to experts in the field on issues affecting Gen X women and today we are gonna chat with the one and only Suzy Rosenstein all about taking care of yourself when you are also taking care of aging parents. This is an amazing and powerful conversation that is pretty much appropriate and applicable for anybody in this age range because we all go through it.

Now Suzy is a midlife coach and mentor who specializes in helping women over 50 regret-proof their lives so that they can embrace their true potential. She is a masterful coach, and she has helped hundreds of women break out of their midlife funks and create the lives of their dreams.

Now, real quick before we start, if you’re a member of Run Your Best Life, don’t forget to download the podcast companion from the members area to help you go deeper into this episode.

Alright, are you ready? Let’s dive in with the fabulous Suzy.

Hello friends. So, I’m back again this week with one of my favorite people of all time. And I think you’ve been a guest on the show before, but for those of you who don’t know her my friend Suzy Rosenstein, who is a coach for women in the middle and Suzy, welcome, welcome back to the show.

Suzy: So happy to be here. I love talking to you. You know, I am remembering one time we recorded an episode in a crazy rain and hailstorm in Texas in a hotel. And there was so much noise from the hail hitting the window that we couldn’t continue, but we were laughing. That’s for sure.

Jill: Yeah. And we were wearing cowboy hats, right?

We were in that hotel that gave you cowboy hats for every, every room had one in it.

Suzy: Oh, yes we were.

Jill: That was wild. That was a fun time. So we’re here today to talk about how to take care of yourself when you’re also taking care of aging parents or parents who are. I mean, you know, everybody’s aging, of course, but like parents who, who are starting to maybe have health difficulties or are just feeling the effects of age and they need some assistance.

So I don’t know. Where should we start? There’s a lot for us to unpack.

Suzy: There’s so many places to start. And you know, when we first talked about this, we talked about a term that so many people are familiar with, which is the sandwich generation. And, you know, 12 percent of parents are in the sandwich generation to some extent.

And the way it affects women in the middle which in my community are you know, usually the 50 plus crowd is that sometimes it’s adult children and aging parents, or sometimes it’s even grandchildren, that there’s some care responsibilities for grandchildren, as well as supporting aging parents. But regardless of what it is, even if forget the kid part, even if it is just the taking care and supporting older parents, it can be a lot.

And before you know it, you don’t even know who you are.

Jill: Yeah, because it’s like, you know, it’s finally time for you to have a life, right? And then now you don’t because, you know, maybe your kids have grown up and they’ve, they’ve flown the coop and now you’ve got brand new responsibilities. to, to deal with.

And you’re like, well, shit,

Suzy: what happened?

Jill: Now what am I supposed to do? I mean, can we talk about some of the types of challenges that we’re, that we’re referring to? And I think like our listeners will be able to hear themselves in this list, maybe not everything on the list, but certainly some things on the list.

So what are some examples?

Suzy: Well, some examples are the common ones that I hear about in my community all the time, especially dementia, Alzheimer’s. cancer any kind of big transition, even moving into an assisted living situation from just age and, and decreased mobility. Sometimes somebody has had a fall and then that changes things very, very quickly.

But you know, sometimes it even starts before that, just with starting to worry about things. For example, I remember with somebody in our family, they were older and they had where they were living on their own and it started to get a little dicey with, with leaving the stove on or tripping over the beautiful carpet that were area rugs, the beautiful carpets.

And so you just start to think, Oh, you take things for granted. And then it’s all of a sudden, wow. Is it even safe for my mom or my dad to be living alone anymore? So sometimes nothing really huge or catastrophic has happened, but you’re starting to notice and question if they are more at risk because of what’s going on and then sometimes something really big does happen and it can happen quickly, or it can be the type of thing with a diagnosis where it’s more gradual.

But you can tell that something has to change. So often it’s a change in living, living arrangements. And then sometimes it also involves family dynamics and putting together a team or negotiating or figuring out how you guys are going to work together when you haven’t even talked about stuff, maybe ever.

So there’s so much going on with worry and visiting and care and safety and all those kinds of things.

Jill: And, and I feel like there’s also the added complication of if you are, first of all, sometimes both of your parents might be struggling at the same time, or maybe one of the parents is the primary caretaker for the other.

And then the caretaker starts having issues. Or if you’re partnered up with somebody, maybe their parents. So now you’ve got, you’ve got like up to four and depending on the, the history of your family, maybe six or eight extended parents. And then, you know, if you’re, if you’re the, the sibling that lives close to the family, like I think in the example of my family, when my mom got sick.

My brother lived very close to her, but my sister lives in New England. I live down here in Pennsylvania, and so we kind of had to figure out, okay, well, we don’t want all of the responsibility to follow my brother and his wife, but also, like, we live five to eight hours away. So how are we going to, you know, how can we contribute and how can we share the load?

And we had an amazing relationship, like my siblings and I are pretty close. And I think there are plenty of situations where the siblings actually don’t get along. And so you’ve got that added complexity.

Suzy: Yes. And the reality of, of expenses. So sometimes. There’s a burden of expenses and talking about money is not so easy in the best of times for so many people.

And so figuring out what the situation is, what the options cost, how many resort, you know, what resources are available to help. And if more resources are needed, how’s that going to work? And like you said, sometimes the siblings don’t live nearby or the parent doesn’t live nearby. And so there’s all of that and also increased expenses.

And some people aren’t flexible with work and lose money when they’re traveling. And you know, there’s, it’s a lot to worry about. And in my community, I would say in the last year, there’s been maybe even a handful of women who’ve been dealing with this, a lot of dementia, Alzheimer’s, figuring out where the care facilities are, what level of program is the best fit for the parent and sorting. All of those details out and it can be a lot. It can be overwhelming and it’s incredibly difficult to think about your own needs when you’re so concerned and and wrapped up with the needs of somebody who is frail and very much in need of support.

And then you’ve got your own stuff where he going on to with everything about the relationship and losing a parent and all that stuff comes up too. So there’s just, it’s, it’s a lot, it’s a lot. And I find that as women, we’re very comfortable doing and solving problems and being a good daughter that when it comes to putting yourself first, or at least putting yourself on the agenda, it’s very uncomfortable.

Jill: Yeah, right. It is. And it feels, we always feel like we should, we’ve put ourself last up until this point and we think, Oh, finally, I’m the first, I get to be the first on the list. And then no, not quite right now. There is so much guilt associated with it. And. I think, you know, a lot of the advice probably that you give parents when their kids are young and how to take care of themselves then kind of sort of applies, but there’s just that whole other, like, emotional complexity to it of, you know, you see. Your parents, your parents are like, you’re rock. They’re, they’re the, they’re supposed to be the strong, dependable thing in your life. And when they no longer can be that, or when they start to need your care, like it brings up thoughts about your own mortality. And I mean, it’s just, it’s yeah, it’s very, it’s very layered.

Suzy: It’s very layered. It’s, it’s very challenging. And I remember to one time well, there’s a phase of all of this stuff that often involves a wake up call of your own and that things are bad or dicey or on the brink of some kind of a transition or something. And I remember when it happened in our family we were skiing and it was. I don’t know. We were a couple of hours away and we were skiing and we got a phone call. We happened to be, we just got off a chairlift and we were at the top of a mountain and my husband’s phone rang and he picked it up and it was his sister from across the other side of the world calling. Did you know that mom, blah, blah, blah. Did you know that dad, I think it was about dad at that point.

And we’re thinking, how does she know she’s on the other side of the world? We’re getting a phone call at the top of a mountain, taking off your glove, freezing cold, skiing. And we’re like, wow, we didn’t know that. And what it had to do with. Was my, it was a cancer situation and there was an issue where my father in law had to get to the hospital and my mother in law couldn’t help him get into the transportation without wheeling him down the driveway in an office chair.

And so this was such a massive wake up call and we’re like, oh my gosh, we can’t go away on vacation anymore at the same time as the other siblings. because the other siblings were also away. And it was such a wake up call that we just didn’t realize that that would be the type of issue, that type of support with transportation in an emergency.

You just always think, well, if it’s an emergency, it can be taken care of. But there’s so many little details about, you know, what elderly People are capable of and what will put them at risk, too. So in this situation, it was already winter. It was already cold. And here we had very well meaning siblings.

We thought everything was safe, very involved family. We thought everything was okay, But when it came to transportation, it wasn’t. So the realization was, wow, we can’t go away at the same time. We need to coordinate, which had never been done before. We didn’t think we had to coordinate. So you know what I mean?

Has that ever happened to you?

Jill: Yeah. Not that specific thing, but for sure, I, when my mom was sick and my, my sister and I spent a lot of time coordinating who would go home for the weekend to give my brother some space and some time off and and it was that kind of thing of like, Oh, like I need to think ahead to like what plans I make because I need to be free on specific weekends so that I can go back to Rochester so that I can, you know, help take care of my mom and, and spend time with my mom too.

Right? I wanted to spend time with her, but then also, I didn’t want to have my sister and I both show up at the same time, and then the next weekend, nobody’s there, and my brother is, is on call again, so I, it was, there was just a lot of, There’s a lot of moving parts that you don’t think about until suddenly here you are at this phase of life and it’s happening to multiple parents at the same time, right?

Suzy: Right. Right. And I guess the, the other thing that I’ve noticed is, well, that I know, and, and if you’ve been around seniors a lot, you probably know too, that their risk of falling is something that is. is so dangerous and it is the type of thing that can turn in, that can change their health situation and mobility situation very quickly.

I mean, I don’t know the stats to it, but I know it’s one of the most risky things that can happen. And so even starting to think about that, like it is, are, what are they doing? What’s their daily routine like to minimize risk. and that’s where you start to worry about the bathroom and the tub and the shower and, you know, where things are and anything that needs to be stored in the basement and like all kinds of things can come up.

So, when you’re not running around, actually helping and coordinating, you’ve got this additional amount of worry. and stress going on that can really get in your way because you, you, you want to be there for your parents,

Jill: but you also need to take care of yourself

Suzy: 100 percent because if you go down, you’re not going to be able to help anybody else.

It’s, it’s totally the air. The airplane analogy where you need to put on your oxygen mask because, you know, there are all kinds of things that can get in your way too. And at this age, we, we have to be very mindful of the basics, like sleep.

Jill: Yep. So let’s kind of, can we, can we transition a little bit into this?

Like some thoughts about how you can care for yourself because I know, you know, we’ve talked in detail about all the issues and I’m, I’m sure like any of our listeners could come up with like 20 more things that we haven’t even, we haven’t even mentioned, but you’re, you are very well versed in like how to care for yourself when you are in you know, a situation like that. So what, where would you start?

Suzy: Well, I would start with this concept of regret proofing your relationship with your parents. And it could be your in laws. It could be, you know, whoever you’re really thinking about and worried about. And when I use that word regret proofing, it’s really about what can you do? What can you say? What can you think about? What do you want to know? All the things.

How do you want to show up in that relationship so that you don’t have regrets? Because there’s one thing that we all regret and that is having regrets. We don’t want to have regrets. So you want to do everything you can so that you can be more intentional about your relationship, you have to live with the way that you’ve shown up, whatever that is. There’s no right way. There’s, you know what I mean? But you just have to decide what is it that you want so that you can make sure that you show up that way. And it’s very personal.

Like for example, maybe you want to be more patient. If you’re not patient, you could have regrets. It means there may be missed opportunities for conversations or with all kinds of family members, right? But you want to do that. You may want to make sure that you have conversations that you want to have while you can have it. You may decide on your personal boundaries that these are the things you’re able to do more freely and these are the things that you need to think about more. You may need to decide that you want to be present. Rather than distracted during the visits that’s happened. That’s come up several times in my community. And so there’s thinking about the relationship and not having the regrets.

And then there’s also regret proofing your relationship with yourself. And that’s where more of the self care kinds of things come up. So what is. What are you really worried about with your own health? How can you still take care of that? What are the things that are priority for you in terms of drinking water, in terms of getting sleep, in terms of your showing up professionally, in terms of the way that you’re managing your family, the downtime, all that kind of stuff.

And you know, you really have to think about what it is that you want. You have to understand what you want and allow yourself to even think about what you want while you’re. up to your ears in this other stuff. And a lot of times you can’t deal with it right away because there, there is too much other stuff going on, but you have to remember that you’re going to get to it.

You have to be on the agenda to some degree or everything will just fly by and you’re going to end up exhausted and you may even end up, you know not well yourself.

Jill: Yeah, well, and can we can we kind of dive in a little bit into you said, you know, thinking about what you want And I feel like a lot of us would feel pretty guilty thinking Well, I don’t get to say what I want because I’m not the one with the health issues, right?

like say you have a parent who has Has cancer and has a limited, you know, it’s terminal. It’s a limited amount of time left, right? And we know, okay, we maybe, maybe three months, maybe six months or whatever. And thinking like, Oh, I don’t get to have a say in what I want because it needs to be all about them.

Like I get that. But then also. You know, like, what would you say to somebody who’s like, listen, I don’t, I don’t get to choose anything. I just need to 100 percent be there for them. Do you think that that could lead to maybe not showing up the way you want? Because you’re either feeling the scarcity of time or you’re feeling.

Resistance or not resistance. What’s the word? Begins with our,

Suzy: Rebellious,

Jill: just kind of like a little, a little mad. Cause you’re like, I don’t want to have to deal with this right now. Or all the, and then feeling guilty because you, you have those emotions. Like, how do you even begin to think about what it is that you want when it seems like everybody else’s needs are more important.

Suzy: If that was an easy thing, wouldn’t that be great? Well, I would apply my, I call it my fun method. I would apply this to this as well. So F stands for find your thoughts. So as difficult as it is to find your thoughts, you know, you’re probably still having a cup of coffee in the morning or you’re probably still brushing your teeth or taking a shower. I hope. So when you have some time that’s quiet, if you can remind yourself to just relax. And think, and just allow yourself to notice what it is you’re thinking. And then once you see a couple of these thoughts, just be curious about them. Like, I wonder why I’m thinking that? Am I feeling guilty? Do I feel that I’m going to miss this opportunity to ask my mom that question I’ve always wanted to ask?

So really understand what it is that you want. That’s the U. So F is for find your thoughts. U is for understand that you want. And you can get at that when you’re being quiet. And I know when it’s busy and hectic like this, it’s hard to find that time.

That’s why I suggested the things that I’m pretty sure you’re doing anyway. You are showering or taking a bath. You are maybe walking the dog. You are just before you go to sleep, it tends to be a couple of minutes of just stillness. And I hope you’re having a glass of water in the morning, or maybe you’re even having a smoothie, or maybe you’re having that cup of coffee or tea, but try to associate that time as a time to just think and be quiet for a couple of minutes and understand what you want. Really be clear about that.

Is it that you don’t want to be guilty? You want to be really solid with the way you’re showing up or the amount of time and energy, or the amount of support or the way you’re supporting, or the way that you sometimes are just sitting and holding a hand, or maybe you want to be more physical, maybe you want to hold.

your parents hand more and you want to ask them more questions or you just want to sit there quietly. Maybe you want to do more with advocacy with, you know, making sure they get the right care. Maybe you want to think creatively about what help you can get for yourself so that you have more time to do something that’s really important to you.

Maybe if painting really helps you relax and you notice you’re not having a chance to do that or to meditate or to walk or to run. Maybe there’s a way that you could get a little bit of support to eke out that a little bit of time for yourself. So F is find your thoughts, U is understand what you want, and N is nurture your commitment to yourself.

And that is, that could be really challenging because that’s when you decide what you want. You may even write it down or journal about it or put a sticky somewhere where you can see it. But then when it comes time where somebody asks you a question or you feel too tired or it feels too hard to cut up the vegetables or the fruit for the smoothie, that’s where you just put yourself at the end of the list again.

So what can you do for yourself to help yourself take care of yourself better in those times when you just don’t want to? So it’s kind of simple and complex at the same time, but you do have to understand what you want. If you don’t understand what you want, even it’s, even if it’s as simple as holding my dad’s hand when I visit him in the hospital or helping my mom do something that’s important to her. Like maybe, maybe polish her nails or, or maybe it’s, maybe it’s not to that stage where they need that much help, but maybe it’s just, I want to spend more time with my mom while she can still enjoy looking at old photos with me.

Right? So you have to figure out what you’re thinking and you have to understand what you want, or time will fly and you may have regrets. And then once you figure it out, you have to be on top of it to do everything you possibly can to help yourself do what it is that you want to do. Yeah, does that seem too ridiculously simple or way too?

Jill: No, I mean it’s it’s it’s simple but not simple, right? It’s going to require some thought and I’m wondering like one of the I think one of the common reactions that I’ve heard just from my friends who have elderly parents And, of course, my own experience is feeling you know, like, when you’re in the moment of taking care of a parent who is struggling with something, just feeling frustrated and like, oh, I, you know, why does it have to be this hard?

And or maybe you’re feeling angry at the, the medical system or whatever. And I think we have. And, and that’s separate from the grief and the sadness. There’s, there’s also some like more actively quote unquote negative emotions. And I think like sometimes it’s very easy to get wrapped up in that and wrapped up in the anger and, and, and it sort of distracts us from feeling the grief, but also it distracts us from. showing up with our parent the way we want to. And so what suggestions do you have? Cause I, I think that’s something that’s probably universal to everyone who’s cared for an aging parent.

Suzy: Oh my gosh, that is such a great point because it can be very frustrating. There’s so many things to be frustrated about, and it tends to get amplified when you’re so concerned and worried and fearful about what’s happening in the next phase of your life without your parent.

And how to make this phase as comfortable as possible. So, I think being aware of it is really, really important. So, when you are finding your thoughts, if you’re feeling angry, you’re thinking something that’s making you angry. And we have to really be aware of it and notice. When I’m feeling like this, when I’m getting involved in these discussions and trying to get the best care and questioning the doctor or arguing with my sibling about who’s doing what, is that helping me stay on track with what I’ve already determined that I want?

Is it helping me show up relaxed and focused? Is it helping me be present? Is it helping me be cheerful when I have a nice opportunity to. to do something with them. Like if it’s not, if it’s not gotten that bad yet. And it’s really just having such good connection with yourself so that you can make decisions rather than just get sucked in.

And I think that’s the point. Sometimes you’re going to want to be angry and it might be helping. Yeah. Being angry and just all of a sudden three hours went by because you were involved with the insurance or, you know, what else, whatever else was driving you nuts and sucking up your time. You just get to decide, is this something I need to ask for help with? Is this pulling me away? How do I want to show up? How do I want to show up? You have to keep on top of that.

Jill: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, that’s a great point. And I, I think like another thing that, that occurs to me is that especially as women, we believe that we need to do it all. And so we are often very resistant to asking for support.

Whether it’s from our family or from even from work to say, like, hey, I’ve got this going on. Can you cut me a little bit of slack at work? Or can we make some arrangements or, you know, maybe even reaching out to a sibling that you have kind of a rocky relationship with and saying, hey, I know we don’t get along that well, but we, we need to come together and take care of mom or dad or, or whatever.

So what, what would you suggest to people? Like, where are some places where can you turn for support when you’re in a situation like this? And how do we get over that? I need to do it all myself kind of belief system.

Suzy: Oh yeah. We do love to do it all ourselves and it is really difficult. It can be challenging for some to ask for help.

And I would just start out with being curious about why it’s so difficult. So again, when you’re having that cup of coffee and make it a good one, I’m just think, well, gee, I could use some help, but I would never ask for help. I don’t know. I’m just not comfortable with that. Well, don’t just allow it to sit there as something that is the way it is.

Be curious. Well, why? Am I afraid somebody’s going to say no? Do I think it’s going to make me appear weak? Do I want to experience this time in my life, this stress? more alone. I don’t feel so great being public. I might cry in front of somebody. Like, what is it? It could be anything. And mentioning a difficult sibling or, or a relationship that’s not that comfortable for you to ask for help. You don’t have to start with that ask. You can start with your bestie.

And the other thing is you can’t possibly. Be expected to learn every nuance of every system that’s going to be involved in whatever is going on with your parents. And this is why it is such a great time to absolutely listen to podcasts and look up some blogs and do some Googling, but also ask your friends because you’re surround, you are likely surrounded by people who’ve been through similar stuff and they’ve got some great ideas.

So with every disease and every phase, there are sometimes some organizations that deal specifically with that. So if you’re dealing with dementia or Alzheimer’s, there are so, there’s so many places for support and expertise. And I’ve even interviewed a speech pathologist who’s a specialist working with families in that area.

Like there are people that know so much and they get so excited when they’re able to help you. So you can start with a baby step by maybe asking a professional or a bestie, somebody that you feel really comfortable with. And and just remember that there’s a cost to not getting help. There’s a cost and it could be that you don’t, that you are pulled away from the way that you really want to be because you don’t have the energy or the time or the resources, but it could also be that you don’t learn something amazing that would help all of you.

You know, because there are people out there who love to help and know so much.

Jill: Yeah, I love that. What about setting boundaries? Because I think also with caring for a loved one, caring for an elderly parent, it’s pretty easy to just get sucked in and like, I need to do everything and be everything for this person.

And And feeling, you know, I guess this is similar to the last question, but like, how do we set boundaries so that we still are able to take care of ourselves and feel like we’re giving everything that’s necessary to that person?

Suzy: Again, it has to do with you got to really connect with yourself and understand how you want to show up.

Do you want to show up with energy? Or do you want to show up physically exhausted and increase the likelihood that you’re going to get, you know, become less well and not be able to do more of what you want. And that you have to be brutally honest with yourself because you can’t do everything. Now there are times when you can do more, you know, I’m thinking back to certain jobs I have or certain deadlines where you step on the gas and you work overtime to get the job done.

And there will probably be times like that during this phase where you just need to blitz and do it. Like I heard a story recently where the situation changed for the parent and they needed to move into a different facility and that that meant so many other things had to change. including some major decluttering and hiring moving help and like all this stuff needed to be put into motion. So because there were some timing deadlines that needed to happen. So this person worked like so much to get the job done in a very short period of time.

But is that sustainable? No, and never asking for help isn’t sustainable either. And being all in all the time isn’t sustainable. But that doesn’t mean when there are times where it’s so important to you to be there that you don’t allow that.

And the more energy you have because you’ve been taking care of yourself, the better. Now I’m not saying, you know, have make every day full of spa appointments and get your nails done. And I absolutely do that. But maybe this isn’t the time where you’ve got as much time as you usually have to exercise or to even walk the dog.

Maybe you got to reduce it to 30 minutes instead of an hour, or maybe you need to exercise every other day instead of every day or whatever those things are for you. You can decide, but I guess the thing is to be intentional about it. So if setting boundaries, if that terminology doesn’t work for you, it’s really just thinking about what do I want on purpose?

How do I want to support myself on purpose? How do I want to take care of myself on purpose, figure it out. Write it down and then do as best as you can to to commit to whatever it is You’ve written down and then reassess give it a try See how it works and you can always make adjustments because maybe you had it all wrong The other thing you can do is get more comfortable saying yes when people ask if they can help Yeah, say that.

Yeah, so saying yes, and I remember when When my kids were babies, when people would say, can I send you some food? And it got very difficult to manage all of the, the casserole dishes and containers that came into the house. Because after you ate the delicious food, you had to clean the dish and then store it somewhere.

And then remember who lent it to you, who, who gave it to you. So if somebody asks if they can give food, you can. You can just say, and here are, here’s a container. I would love that. Thanks so much. So you can give them containers to fill up. And I actually, I did that several times and people are so happy to help.

And they could make food for you. They, they might be able to make food for your parent, but there are people that want to help. Somebody might want to come and take care of your dog. Maybe somebody will run an errand for you. Maybe somebody will pick up the groceries or maybe you just want company to see a movie, but.

It’s really just being intentional. What would help me so I can be there for my parents the way I want to, and just be open to saying yes and taking a baby step. It maybe it’s taking one day off. Maybe that is what you need. Who knows? Only you know.

Jill: Yeah, maybe that’s the boundary. Like, six days a week, I go to visit my parent, and the seventh day, I, I don’t, right?

And that’s the boundary I’m setting, and, cause I know that, that when I come back the following day, I’m gonna be so much more engaged and so much more able to, to be there for, for him or her.

Suzy: Yeah, it could be that you go out once a week for a meal, or that you order in something that makes your life better.

Right now, I’m ordering in salads. And it has been an amazing improvement in my life. So if there’s something like that, some little thing you can do for yourself that helps you, because then you don’t have to think about food. You don’t have to cut up the vegetables. Yeah. So taking care of yourself is a skill that we need to work on all the time.

And most of us have some room to grow in that area.

Jill: I love that. All right. Well, this has been a really helpful conversation and I kind of wish that I knew you like 20 years ago when my mom was, was diagnosed with ALS. Because that was a, that was a really rough period. And I just remember going through all of these thoughts and, and just, and it was, it was just a lot of powering through because we knew it wasn’t going to be, you know, a really long time.

But You know, it was, it was hard. There were so many emotions of like frustration and anger and guilt and deep grief and sadness. But then also like, I can’t feel the grief right now because I have to, you know, be there for my mom. And then also not wanting to have regrets. And I’m so grateful that I had 2 siblings who, who were equally committed.

And also I didn’t have kids, so I didn’t have to worry about, you know, I had a very supportive husband at the time and I didn’t have kids to take care of. So I actually was able to give a lot of myself without worrying about other people not getting taken care of. But I know that not, you know, most people aren’t in that situation.

And so, I’m grateful for this conversation today. And if people want to talk to you about this particular topic or any, you know, anything in general about kind of being that woman in the middle, how can they get in touch with you?

Suzy: Well, they can head over to my website at SuzyRosenstein.Com that’s S U Z Y Rosenstein. com. You can also grab my free podcast bundle, which is top 12 episodes about common midlife stuff that’s going on, getting in your way to help you love your life again after 50. And you can get that at freepodcastbundle.com. And I also have a free Facebook group and we can chat in there and that’s, Women in the Middle Podcast community.

Jill: And you have a podcast.

Suzy: Oh, and I have a podcast Women in the Middle. Yeah, exactly. Thank you, Jill. Cause see, we’ve only known each other 10 years.

Jill: We have known each other a long time. I love that.

Suzy: Yeah. But you know what you said, Jill, this is hard stuff. Yeah. There’s really, it’s hard.

These suggestions are just ideas to help here and there, and to make sure that you can’t control the experience, but you don’t want to have regrets. So taking care of yourself is a very important thing to do during this phase, but it’s not easy. But not having regrets will make it easier.

Jill: At least afterwards, you know, when, after the inevitable happens, you can look back on this phase differently than you might otherwise.

Suzy: Yeah. And was I present? Did I connect? Did I feel connected? Did my mom or dad know I loved them? Did I have a couple of those conversations that I wanted? Did I show up the way I wanted to as a daughter? Like those kinds of things will really help you going forward.

Jill: For sure. Well, we will have all of the links that you just mentioned in the show notes.

And I want to thank you again for joining me today.

Thank you so much.

Real quick before you go! If you enjoyed listening to this episode, you have to check out Up and Running. It’s a thirty-day online program that will teach you exactly how to start running, stick with it, and become the runner you’ve always wanted to be. Head on over to notyouraverageunner.com/upandrunning to find out when the next class starts. I’d love to be a part of your journey.