Last weekend Andy ran his first half marathon. He started running in January 2018, lost 100 pounds in 10 months, and on April 28th, 2019, he did a half marathon in 1:59:29.
I am INSANELY proud of him. He set a goal, worked his ASS off with determination, and achieved that goal. It was hard and he had to make a lot of choices along the way. He gave up a lot of habits and adopted new ones. He had to evolve into a different version of himself to make it happen.
And I’m a little jealous.
In fact, I spent a fair amount of time on Andy’s race day feeling pretty sorry for myself because he was doing the things that I’m currently unable to do.
“That should be me,” I thought. “It’s not fair.”
I have to be super happy for him while I’m grieving over my own failures.
Worst. Feeling. Ever.
Thought download
The morning after the race, I woke up still feeling a little sad, so I did what always works—I did a thought download to see what was making me feel so shitty:
- Andy did so great at his race yesterday.
- I wish I’d been doing it with him.
- He’s doing all the things I should have done last year. I wish it was me.
- I’m so far behind I’ll never catch up.
- He’s living the life I should be living.
- He’s so much better than me, I should quit what I’m doing and go back to work in corporate.
- It’s been too long, there’s no way I could even get a job.
- I might never be able to run the way I used to.
- On Philly marathon day, Andy will run and I will fail as usual. I’ll probably quit training ahead of time and then have to put on a happy face for him.
- Why do my joints hurt all the time? Because I overeat sugar and I’m a failure for not getting that under control.
- I’ll never be able to finish that marathon. What the fuck am I thinking? I’m going to fail and everyone will see.
- If I had gotten my shit together a year ago, I wouldn’t be in this position now.
- I’ve wasted an entire year of my life.
Lovely, right? When I think the thoughts above, I feel:
Self-pity, frustration, jealousy, and hopelessness.
And yesterday wasn’t the first time I’ve thought those things. They’ve been rolling around in my head in some form or another for close to a year. I’ve spent a fair amount of that time unconsciously stewing in self-pity and hopelessness. Yuck.
How do you think I show up for myself when I feel that way?
The short answer: I don’t. I avoid myself by overeating, or binge-watching Netflix, or anything else that takes me away from my feelings so I don’t have to feel like shit.
CTFAR model
Here’s an example model using one of my thoughts above (if you want more information about this self-coaching model, check out Episode 33 of the podcast):
C: Andy ran a race.
T: He’s doing all the things I should have done over the last year. I wish it was me.
F: Self-pity
A: Overeat candy at the movies to make myself feel better for a few moments.
R: Joints hurt this morning and spark even more thoughts about how I’m failing.
This model was running amok all day in my brain, and when I think this way, I feel realllly sorry for myself.
From that place, I tend to delay taking action (training and watching the quality of what I eat), which widens the gap between where I am and where I want to be. And then I feel defeated, and I avoid those feelings by overeating sugar (which makes my joints hurt).
This type of thinking leads to a lot of micro-quits (check out Episode 20 to learn How to Stop Quitting). This means I’m making dozens of seemingly insignificant choices that don’t lead me closer to my goal. Skipping just one run. Blowing off my strength training “just this once.”
The problem is, even if it seems like a tiny thing in the moment, those little choices add up, whichever direction they lead you. And when your thoughts are constantly pushing you into self-pity, you make those little quits A LOT.
Lots of little quits = FAILURE
Lots of little commitments kept = BIG SUCCESS
My THINKING is causing the quitting because I’m focusing on what I HAVEN’T done in the past, instead of what I CAN do starting right now. The actions I’ve taken or not taken in the past are irrelevant. I can’t change them. The only thing I CAN change is my thinking.
Change your thoughts
Here’s my reframe and model that I’m practicing:
C: Andy ran a race.
T: Today’s choices are what I have control over and EVERY CHOICE MATTERS.
F: Determined
A: Ask myself before I want to deviate from my plans: Is this getting me closer to or farther away from weight loss and marathon?
R: Make better choices—a lot of them.
Change happens when our thoughts shift, and not a moment before.
In Run Your Best Life, we work on shifting our thoughts so we can get the results we want.
Things like running 5Ks and marathons. Gaining confidence. Feeling like a badass.
You ready? Join us to find out exactly what thoughts are holding you back, and learn how to change your thoughts so you can get what you want!
xoxo,
Jill