Ep #83: How to Get Off the Struggle Bus

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who is midlife and plus sized and you want to start running but don’t know how, or if it’s even possible, you’re in the right place. Using proven strategies and real-life experience, certified running and life coach Jill Angie shares how you can learn to run in the body you have right now.

Hey rebels, you are listening to episode number 83 of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. I’m your host, Jill Angie, and today we’re going to talk about well, I’m going to share some personal stuff today.

So I actually had a whole other episode planned for today, but then this thing happened earlier this week and I realized it’s probably something that most of you, if not all of you have also experienced. And so we’re just going to dive right in and talk about it.

And that’s the struggle bus. Have you ever been on the struggle bus? I know you have. I know you have. Maybe not with running, but maybe with something else, but probably with running too. And the struggle bus, oh my gosh, the drama that comes along with it.

So today in our Run Your Best Life coaching call this afternoon, we were talking about running in the cold, and I have one client who – she actually lives in the northeast in Connecticut and she’s probably cringing right now listening knowing that I’m talking about her, but I promise this is actually really important and I know there’s other people out there that have had this issue.

So she hates the cold, basically. She’s not a big fan, but she’s also training for a half marathon that comes up in, I think, six weeks or so. And every time she is scheduled to go out for a training run, it’s cold because she lives in Connecticut. But each time it’s cold, there’s drama. She’s like, “It’s cold out, this is terrible,” like it’s a big surprise every time.

And she creates all this drama in her mind and she feels very resistant, and sometimes she goes on her run, sometimes she’s able to like, wrestle herself into it, and sometimes she doesn’t and it really is all depending on whether she can summon up those thoughts that make her feel determined to go out there and run instead of wanting to stay under her blanket on the couch.

So the thing is, if you feel resistant, you’re not going to run. If you’re thinking thoughts that make you feel resistant, you’re not going to go out for your run. You’re going to stay at home on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, saturated with self-pity for how much it sucks that you can’t go running because it’s cold out, and that’s total bullshit.

Plenty of people go running in the cold. The cold doesn’t mean you can’t go running. And what we’re talking about cold-wise is like, maybe 20 degrees outside. It’s not negative 20. It’s just cold out. It’s not frostbite weather. It’s just cold.

Plenty of people run in the cold. The cold is not the problem. It’s her thinking about the cold that is the actual problem. And so this goes for any of you that have excuses for skipping your training runs. If it’s raining or it’s cold or you’re too tired or today’s the new episode of This is Us and you want to watch it live. Just stop it, rebels. Stop it. Stop the drama. Get off the fucking struggle bus and get to work.

Because the struggle bus only goes to one destination and that is disappointment city or suckville, depending on which name you prefer. If you ride the bus long enough, you’re not going to reach your goals. You’re going to be beating yourself up. You’re going to be feeling disappointed in yourself. I mean really, the struggle bus is the express ride to suckville. There are no stops. There’s no get off and use the restroom or anything. It’s the express ride.

So today, the reason I told you about my client is I just kind of wanted to let you know that everybody struggles with it, but I’m going to share with you my own struggle bus story today because let me tell you, I had some drama this week. Oh my goodness, and just made a big deal about my poor client. I want you to know that fair is fair, I’m not immune to it. I’m human. That’s what human brains do so I’m going to share my epic struggle bus story.

So, a couple days ago I had my usual physical therapy session with Andrea and she’s awesome. She really is awesome. She’s funny and we do a lot of talking about online dating. We have amazing conversations, and she’s this teeny tiny little woman who has the most powerful thumbs in the world.

And the size of her is very deceptive because the girl can cause some pain. So my sessions always start with like, 10 minutes of warm up on the bike, which is fine. I’m on my phone the whole time. And then Andrea cracks her knuckles and lotions up and then she proceeds to make me cry for like, a half an hour. I’ve timed it.

And you guys, I’m not kidding, I have legit had tears come to my eyes and roll down my cheeks. It hurts so bad. She like, digs right into my calves and then all up and down my IT band and into my hips and there is this really tender spot sort of on the medial side of my right knee, which I swear to god, I didn’t even know that it hurt until she touched it. And it lit up like a pinball machine.

So anyway, it hurts like hell and when she’s done, I kind of get up and then all of a sudden, I realize like, oh my god, it feels like I got a leg replacement. Everything is loose but also strong and powerful at the same time. My legs feel super steady and I feel like I’m just unstoppable. It feels amazing. And then we do 30 minutes of very targeted work on my legs and glutes, and of course it’s just all over again.

Everything in this workout is really hard. My legs are always shaking at the end, every exercise is just some sort of single leg torture and they’re really, really intense. And so up until now, I’ve been sort of half in and half out of the struggle bus. I’ve been like this is kind of a pain in the neck but it hasn’t been – it’s been difficult but I don’t know what shifted in my brain this week.

But she introduced a new move, it was sort of like a lunge pistol squat extravaganza on the TRX and it was hard. I mean, it was really, really hard for me and it was using my adductor muscles a lot, which lo and behold, they’re actually weaker than I expected. So it really took a lot out of me to get through all of the sets that she assigned to me.

And this was the first thing we did in the workout and I still had the whole half hour workout ahead of me. My adductors, which are – if you don’t know what those are, they’re the muscles sort of like the inside of your thigh. When your thighs are touching each other, the adductors are the muscles right there.

So they were sort of cramping up and I thought to myself, “Fuck, there’s no way I’m going to get through this whole workout. I should probably just tell her right now I’m done. I just got to go home. Just give me the ice – because we always end the workout with ice – just give me the ice for like, the next 30 minutes and then I’ll be good.”

I hopped right on the struggle bus, my flag was flying, I brought my lunch, I buckled my seatbelt, I settled in for a long ride to suckville. And that is exactly how the entire rest of my workout went. So before each exercise, there’s maybe 12 in this series and each week – we started out with six and each week she adds another one or tweaks something and she’s just like, oh, that looks way too easy for you, that’s make you do that on the Bosu or whatever it is.

Or she’ll say – there was one that I was doing, it’s where I’m standing with one leg on a step and I’m supposed to bend that leg until the other leg touches the floor. So I’m kind of at the edge of the step. And at the beginning she’s like, okay, you can hold on to this railing, and then she just took the railing away. It’s like, I’m supposed to balance like an idiot.

Anyway, so before each exercise, I was like, literally in my mind going right to, “Oh god, this is going to be so hard. It’s going to hurt, I’m probably going to fall over. I’m probably going to tear a muscle. I’m going to injure myself further. I don’t have the strength to do this.” I had so many thoughts and then I would on top of that, I’d be like, “You know Jill, if you don’t stop now, if you don’t put a stop to this insanity right now, you’re going to be in so much pain tomorrow. You won’t be able to get out of bed.”

I actually went to like, I’m probably going to end up with that rhabdomyolysis syndrome where you can go into kidney failure from working out too hard. I went to the places that nobody wants to go. And at the very least, I kind of thought this workout is going to set me back a week. I won’t be able to run, it’s just irresponsible. I was like, “It’s irresponsible for her to expect so much from me and what the fuck is wrong with me for not speaking up and standing up for myself.”

I mean seriously, I was like, frustrated and I was indignant and I was on the verge of crying all at the same time. And this is going on, like she’s like, okay, it’s time for your single leg deadlifts or whatever, and my brain is like this is horrible. I started thinking, “Okay, how am I going to explain to her that this is too hard for me? What are the words I’m going to use?”

And I’m thinking, “I could just tell her that I’m done or I could just throw the weights down. What can I do to make it clear to her that this is a terrible idea?” And I’m thinking it through as I’m doing the exercises. It’s just there’s so much drama. But I couldn’t figure out how to say it without sounding sort of like a drama queen and like a baby and so you guys, I was so deep in self-pity.

I actually had this vision. I was like, I’m going to do this whole workout and then I’m going to have to be taken away in an ambulance and they’ll be running along the side of the stretcher and apologizing to me for their negligence and offering to pay my medical bills so that they don’t get a lawsuit and saying oh, you’ve been such a trooper.

It was ridiculous. Like, I’m looking back at it now going Jesus, Jill, just stop it. I was so into my story in the moment. And then there was a part of me that was like, I don’t want her to be disappointed in me. I was sort of kind of deep in my people-pleasing mode too at the same time. So every exercise I was like, I’m going to put on my brave girl face, I’m going to prove that I can do this and then if I fail, they’ll see.

Who does that? Who does that? I’m going to do this whole thing just so you can see how pathetic I am. I mean, the brain is a strange place, my friends. So here’s what happened. Every single time my brain went through all this drama but I was still doing every single exercise, my legs held up every time. Every single time. I wasn’t in pain. My knee didn’t hurt.

Everything was fine. I was able to do exactly what was asked of me. Now, it was challenging. I’m not going to say that it felt easy and I was definitely feeling some muscle soreness but I didn’t fall down, I didn’t embarrass myself. I was able to do everything. So fucking annoying, right?

Because there was so much drama and self-pity in my mind about that workout and none of it was true. And with every exercise, I just kept proving yeah alright, well maybe this one I was fine at but then I would go to the next one is obviously going to be a complete failure. But then of course the next one would be fine.

It was all bullshit. It was all just smoke and mirrors. My brain was just wrong. That is a hard truth to swallow. You’re just like, all this stuff that I imagined is just wrong? What? So by the end of the workout she asked me to do – I think it was either single leg deadlifts or this other thing where you’re sitting on a platform and you just stand up just with one leg.

So when you’re rehabbing a knee, you want to make sure that you’re working each leg individually so that the other leg isn’t compensating. So we do all single leg stuff and so at this point my legs really were like jelly. They were shaking and I couldn’t stop them shaking but I was kind of starting to realize that maybe, just maybe all of the worry and all of the fear in my head was completely unnecessary.

So that final move – so I’d been suffering basically for 25 minutes. The last five minutes my brain clicked over to be like, oh, that was all lies, let’s just do this last one and move on. It was just like – if I could have stood outside myself and watched myself, I think I would have been cracking up because that last round of exercises, which was just as challenging as all the ones before, and actually my legs were way more tired, was so much easier because my brain stopped fighting me.

So I slayed it, I was even able to run yesterday. So I did not have rhabdomyolysis. I was able to walk and I was able to run yesterday. My run yesterday was even better than the one I took on Monday. So I’m two runs into Philly marathon training. I’m so excited.

So basically, I did the entire workout and I suffered 95% of it because of my brain. My jerky, annoying, stupid brain. And here is the best part; the only person that noticed that any of it was going on was me. I created this whole suffer fest for myself, made my workout way harder than it needed to be for no reason whatsoever.

Anyway, so that all happened on Tuesday. So fast forward to this morning, I went back for my second session of the week. I go to see her twice a week, and the workout today was even harder. It was the exact same workout but she added on two more balance things and it really was a harder workout.

But honestly, it was not a suffer fest. I was so onto myself. Every time I started an exercise, I just said, “Remember brain, remember last Tuesday. You can do all these things. Stop lying. They’re hard. So what?” And so today’s experience of my workout, harder workout than Tuesday was a totally different experience because yes, it was a challenge and every single thing I did I was like, it’s bringing me closer to the finish line of Philadelphia marathon. This is making me stronger, this is helping my knee.

I just kept reminding myself of all the reasons I wanted to be there and all the reasons I wanted to be physically uncomfortable so that I could get the result I want. So, the reason I am sharing this long ass story with you is that I want you to know that this kind of mental drama happens to everyone. Nobody is exempt.

But the thing is you have two choices when it happens. Actually, you have three choices. So the first choice is you can just quit. You can say fuck it, I’m done, I’m out. The second choice is you can just argue your way through the entire experience, get it done, be miserable, like I did on Tuesday. Or your third choice is to literally say, you know what, I hear you brain, your opinion is noted, but I don’t believe you. I think you’re wrong and I’m going to do this other thing.

So the third choice is to just decide not to believe it, to at least try and see if you can do the thing you’re scared of. Because the worst thing that can happen is that you will fail. The worst thing that could have happened to me, obviously I was not in any danger of getting the kidney failure disease from working out too hard. Seriously, I know I was not in any danger of getting that.

So really the worst thing that could have happened to me on Tuesday was that I tried an exercise and I don’t know, I couldn’t do it. Failure is not a bad thing unless you make it a bad thing. So I believe that failure means you’re trying, you’re working, you’re learning, and you’re growing, and failing forward is the concept of just continuing to fail and learn and fail and learn and fail and learn, and get better and get better. Failing forward.

And by the way, you might just succeed. You might actually hit the target you’re shooting for. Whether this is in strength training or running or anything else, if you can get those bullshit stories out of your head for a hot minute, you might actually just do it.

So I want you to remember, your brain’s job is to keep you safe, but playing it safe does not get you across finish lines. Keeps you on the couch. Keeps you on the couch watching everyone else do really epic shit. And I want you out here with me, doing the things that scare you so that you can fail and then realize how failure makes us better, makes us stronger, and more resilient.

When we only do the things that we are 100% sure we’ll succeed at, we keep ourselves playing so small. We keep ourselves from growing. Playing it safe doesn’t serve anyone. And I know I talk about this all the time on the podcast, but it’s so freaking important. So I want you to take some time today to look at your life. Where are you playing it safe because you’re afraid to get hurt?

Is it running? Is it asking for a promotion? Is it signing up for an online dating service? And then what is playing safe doing for you? You think it’s just keeping me from getting hurt, but really, you’re just hurting in another way because now you’re wishing things were different and not taking action. You’ve got these dreams and you’re like, I don’t want to fail because then I’m going to get hurt. So then you’re just hurting yourself in advance by not doing what you really want to do.

So if you’re going to be hurt anyway, why not get hurt doing something that might actually result in an amazing accomplishment? I really want you to think about that. Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take.” You can’t get a result you want if you don’t take action.

And you might take that action and you might fail. You might take that action and you might succeed, but you will definitely not get the result you want if you don’t take any action. So really, think about that. Playing safe is not your friend. Playing safe feels smart. It feels like I’m just a low risk person, but what you’re really saying is I don’t have the courage to get the fuck out there and fail.

So there’s one more thing that I want to talk about this week and you guys, we are having so much fun in Run Your Best Life right now. Run Your Best Life is my coaching group where I just help women not just start running but just kind of exceed their own expectations everywhere. And especially with all the new 5K people that just joined, it is ridiculous. It is popping, my friends.

So I’ve been trying to find the words to sort of explain exactly what makes this group so special. I kept coming up short, so I asked the women in the group to do it for me, and here is what some of them had to say. I’m just going to read out their words.

So Laura C said, “This group is running for all. A badass group of women who support each other in their running journeys regardless of age, weight, speed, or illness.” Love that. Thank you, Laura. Stephanie O said, “An all-inclusive woman only group for those who want to start running or hone in on their running skills without fear of judgment about anything, who feel that every runner is a badass no matter what level you’re at.”

Like, come on. How awesome is that? Stephanie H – we have a lot of Stephanies in this group. So if your name is Stephanie you should just join because all the Stephanies are there. Stephanie H said, “It’s a combination of life coaching and running coaching that focuses as much on the mental aspects as the physical.” Yes, so well said.

And then Jackie M says, “A multi-disciplinary life coaching group, especially designed for women runners.” And I love this so much because really that’s what it is. It’s like, we are all runners and we use running to help develop our minds. We use running to help up-level ourselves. And so that’s exactly what we do.

So I love all these explanations. They really capture the magic. And now I have a question. If you haven’t joined Run Your Best Life yet, why not? What is going on? Now, the reason I keep telling you about this group is it is a game changer for so many people. You learn how to just drop all the drama and all the stories in your head that are keeping you from running.

Each month we focus on something different, but this month is especially awesome in March because we’re focusing on back to basics. We’re covering everything you need to know to get started. The foundational skills of running like form, breathing, pacing, intervals and so forth. And then next month in April, it’s going to be my favorite month of the year, body image month.

So we’re going to start working on your body image now so that when bathing suit season comes along, you’re not like, I couldn’t possibly wear shorts, like nobody needs to see those thighs. I want to help you get past that so you can enjoy summer and not feel like you have to cover your body up. So in April we’re doing body image. We’re going to teach you how to be confident in the body you have right now.

It is going to be epic. But you have to be a member to get all the good stuff, so if I were you, I would just head right over to runyourbestlife.com. Just head on over there and sign up right now because the sooner you get in, the sooner you can stop riding that fucking struggle bus. Hate the struggle bus.

Rebels, that is it for this week. This episode is a little bit shorter than I expected. Thought I was going to rant for hours but apparently, I only ranted for 25 minutes. Anyway, you can find the transcript for this show plus everything else we talked about over at notyouraveragerunner.com/83 and before you do that, just go to runyourbestlife.com. Sign up for the group and the sooner you sign up the sooner I will stop harassing you about it. Let’s just be honest.

Alright rebels, that’s it. I hope you have an amazing week and I will talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you liked what you heard and want more, head over to www.notyouraveragerunner.com to download your free one-week jumpstart plan and get started running today.