Ep #96: When Your Partner Thinks You Should Try Harder with Andy Aupperle

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who is midlife and plus sized and you want to start running but don’t know how, or if it’s even possible, you’re in the right place. Using proven strategies and real-life experience, certified running and life coach Jill Angie shares how you can learn to run in the body you have right now.

Jill: Hey rebels, you are listening to episode number 96 of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. I’m your host, Jill Angie, and today I have Andy with me in the studio.

Andy: Hi. Hello everybody.

Jill: He’s feeling very nervous and awkward today. So we decided to do this episode because a couple weeks ago, I posted something on – I can’t remember if it was Facebook or I sent an email about a conversation that Andy and I had had.

Andy: Yeah, I think it was an email.

Jill: Was it email? Okay. And people had opinions. And so I was like you know, this would be a good time for us to talk about it on the show and really explain where we’re both coming from. Okay wait, so let’s do this.

Andy: Let’s do a recap.

Jill: Yeah, that’s what I was going to say. You guys, we have not practiced anything. We did not plan anything out for this episode so…

Andy: No, we just got done running and was like, screw it, let’s go make a podcast.

Jill: So I have no idea what’s going to happen.

Andy: Yeah, me neither so buckle up kids.

Jill: So okay, so basically, we did a race. What was the name of that race?

Andy: It was run through the vineyards one of our local wineries.

Jill: Hopewell Valley.

Andy: Hopewell Valley winery.

Jill: And so the night before the race, we were just kind of like, hanging out talking and you were like, what’s your goal for tomorrow? And so why don’t you report the conversation the way you remember it?

Andy: Okay, well whenever I have a race, you’re always like, hey, what do you want to get out of this race? What’s your goal? So I was trying to do the same thing…

Jill: That’s really sweet. I didn’t realize that.

Andy: So that’s what I asked and then your answer was like, I just want to go out there and have fun, which is a perfectly reasonable answer I felt.

Jill: But I said I’m probably going to come in last.

Andy: Yeah, and that kind of shocked me. Well, I knew that you kind of want to come in last because I think you want to have that kind of perspective because you said you’ve never come in last before.

Jill: I’ve come in second to last a lot.

Andy: Yeah. So like, you kind of wanted to have that viewpoint so you could write about it, talk about it, that kind of stuff. But like, I thought you’ve been doing really well with your running and I wanted to encourage you to do your best.

Jill: And so you said something about like, I think you should set bigger goals for yourself. And maybe that’s not exactly what you said. That’s what I heard, right? Isn’t that funny?

Andy: No, I didn’t say bigger goals but like, I know you’ve been rehabbing your knee, and so I thought you might want to just see what kind of limits you can put on yourself, especially race days because that’s when I try my hardest is on race day. It’s all about running with other people and seeing all those super-fast people and you’re like, damn, they’re fast. Cheering them on as you’re struggling to go up the hill and they’re just like, smiling at you while they’re running back down the hill because it’s a mountain back.

Jill: That’s my perspective at every race by the way. So it’s funny because what I heard from you was that you thought I should try harder and that I should be pushing myself more and that I shouldn’t settle for just showing up and running the race. And I honestly – looking back, I don’t think those were the words you used, but that’s what I interpreted.

Andy: I come from like, a football background. I played sports my whole life and so I do have a competitive streak in me even though I try to hold that back. I’m always competitive with myself at least. And so I assume everyone’s just competitive with themselves and wants to do better than last time, or wants to do more than last time and so that’s kind of where I’m coming from. And I understand now after reading that email because we certainly didn’t talk about it. I read about it in my email.

Jill: Surprise.

Andy: That you’re not like that at all.

Jill: I know, isn’t that funny?

Andy: It is funny.

Jill: But so one thing that’s been a growing opportunity for me is you have a different approach to running than I do and I think we’ve always known that ever since the beginning. But you’ve been really good about respecting my desires and wishes, and it’s just funny because what you said and what I heard are two different things because in my mind, I’m always looking for people to say you shouldn’t be doing it that way. I’m always ready to just come at me bro, right? But I just heard what perhaps I had already been thinking about myself in my mind is maybe I should be trying harder, maybe he’s right.

Andy: Sounds like you’re projecting a little bit.

Jill: Right? No, I totally am. I totally am. But what I think is interesting is I’ve also had to learn not to project my expectations of how people should run on you.

Andy: Right, and I’m trying to learn that myself like, not project how I run on others. Especially you because you know, we sleep in the same bed.

Jill: Yeah. But I think because we were talking about this a little bit this morning when we were running. So when you first started running, you were running with me and you were doing intervals, and I was faster than you when we first started running.

Andy: Yeah, you really pushed me.

Jill: And I pushed you a little, and I don’t think I was pushing you. You were just pushing yourself to keep up with me, I guess. But now it’s like, now you can run – what’s your fastest mile been? Seven minutes? Six minutes?

Andy: Like six 40.

Jill: Six 40, right. So you guys, now I don’t even have a prayer of keeping up and so I think for a long time, my brain was like, you’re pushing yourself too hard, you’re going to get injured, you should keep doing intervals. That was what was going on in my brain and I’ve had to learn to just be like, hey, everybody does their own thing and Andy’s not a 50-year-old 200-pound overweight woman.

Andy: Not anymore. I had that change.

Jill: You had that change. And so like, me coaching you, which I don’t really actively coach you. I offer suggestions but me coaching you…

Andy: I do come to you for like, help.

Jill: Yeah, you do, and then you don’t listen and you’re like, I don’t know why my legs hurt.

Andy: I might be guilty of that.

Jill: But it’s like, I think you are better at perceiving when you need to modify your expectations than I am because I think it took me a really long time to figure out like, hey, Andy doesn’t need you to hold him back. He doesn’t – I’m not putting this into words very well but do you know what I mean? In the beginning I was always like, slow yourself down, you’re doing too much, you’re doing too much, and in retrospect…

Andy: I was.

Jill: But I don’t think you were.

Andy: Yeah. But then I just kept pushing the envelope and just kept doing it. Like, it took me five months before I could run a mile without stopping, and I was trying my damnedest to do that. Just dying. And what really helped was you being like, slow down when you’re running, you know?

Jill: Slow your pace down.

Andy: Yeah, just slow your pace down. And I was like, but I feel like I’m running so slow, but I was able to go the distance I wanted. So yeah, to me, well I’m not really into the mechanics of running for me but I always feel like speed and distance are like, two separate bar graphs and they’re like, corresponding with each other at all times. So you’re just trying to find that equilibrium where you can get the speed and distance that you want.

Jill: Yeah. But you can’t necessarily push on both of them at the same time. You either have to train for distance or train for speed, and so yeah, you were trying to do both in the beginning, I think. And I think that happens with beginning runners. Once they realize like, oh my god, I can do this thing, then they want to do all the things immediately and they get kind of pissed off when it doesn’t happen right away.

Andy: Oh yeah, that definitely happened to me, still happens with me. Marathon training because you know, we’re doing the Philadelphia marathon in November together, so I’m out there doing my 10 plus miles and just like, my legs are just dead and I’m like, pissed off with myself like why are my legs so tired.

Jill: It’s because you’ve only been running for a year and half.

Andy: I know, and it’ll get easier with time, just like everything else. Just keep going out there every single day. Well, not every day. I don’t run every day. But keep going out there, don’t quit on yourself because it will keep getting better. And that’s why I always wanted you to push yourself so much because as I know you are so frustrated with yourself about your knee and the setbacks that that gave you and you know, your knee’s feeling a lot better and I was like, push yourself, you’ll feel much better about your running.

Jill: Well, and you know what, the reason it bothered me and it bothered me for like, a microsecond and then I’m just like – this is all happening in my brain as we’re having the conversation because I think you said to me like, oh, whatever it was that I heard, you should push yourself more. And I think I didn’t say anything for a minute and I was like, my brain was just processing and processing and then I was like, the reason that I feel hurt when he says that is because first of all, because I think oh gosh, he wants me to be different.

And then my brain’s like, no, that’s stupid, he loves you exactly the way he is, and then I realize the other thing that was going on is I had had like a – something in the back of my mind thinking I’m not pushing myself hard enough. I know, and so you touched a nerve.

Andy: I pushed a button I didn’t even know existed.

Jill: You did push a button but it took me about a week of really thinking it through like, why is it so upsetting to me, and it really – when I say upsetting, it was upsetting for like, really maybe all of five seconds and then I kind of flushed it out. But it was because it touched a nerve a little bit and I think – so the point that I want to make with talking about this is I think so often we get in an argument with our partner or with somebody that we love that has an opinion about something we’re doing and we kind of fly off the handle because – let’s be clear, I did not fly off the handle. I did not, but sometimes we do.

Andy: Again, I found out about this through an email that she sent to all of you guys.

Jill: I’m sorry. I probably should have told you that I was going to send that email. Wait, oh no, and it gets better. Then the next day I did a Facebook Live.

Andy: And then I watched that. Watched that Facebook Live.

Jill: I didn’t even tell him. I did a Facebook Live in the group the next morning.

Andy: Yeah, I didn’t realize there was like a big buzz around this whole thing in the community because I’m not in that community for one and then yeah, all these women are just mad at me or yelling at me.

Jill: They weren’t mad but a couple of them were like, my mama bear is coming out because they were only hearing my side of it too. So that’s why I thought you should be able to tell your side.

Andy: Totally out of love and you know, wanting the best Jill Angie can be.

Jill: Yeah, thank you. But here’s what’s so interesting and I don’t think I’ve mentioned this to you before but you know, we’re just sharing everything on the podcast. When you started running a lot faster, I started feeling really bad about myself. But here’s the thing – he’s making a face now.

Andy: I was concerned that might happen. I didn’t want that to happen but…

Jill: But that’s the thing. I have to manage my own emotions around this because the circumstance is that Andy can run a six or seven-minute mile and that he did his first half marathon in under two hours. Those were the circumstances and then I can make it mean a whole bunch of stuff about myself and what I was making it mean for a while is I’m a failure because he started running a year and a half ago and he’s so much better than me and – right? I was telling myself all these horrible things about it and I think that was also coloring my ability – so I was constantly saying like, oh, you should hold yourself back, you should hold yourself back because in my mind, I was like, he can’t go farther than me, he can’t go faster than me because I’m the coach. Isn’t that fucked up?

Andy: But here is the thing is everyone has their own journey and I’m also always working on this too. What works for one person doesn’t work for another person, you know? And so I run my own race, you run your own race, and when I did the Broad Street run, which is a 10-mile run in Philadelphia and it was raining and horrible and wet, I ran with my friend Alison and my friend Ray. And I kept up with them for like, three miles and they can run like, an eight-minute pace for 10 miles. I think that’s what they ended up at.

I can run an eight-minute pace for three miles, and so – and after those three miles, I was just done. And so I didn’t run my own race and I was trying to run their race and absolutely paid for it and my feet were hurting. My feet were just wet and blisters and I was freezing and so that really taught me to be true to myself and to run my own race and I think everyone, you need to know what kind of runner you are and what kind of pace you run because you need to be true to yourself.

Jill: Yeah, and you had just run your first half marathon the week before and pushed yourself really hard.

Andy: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. That was the three runs in three weekends.

Jill: Well, you did – I counted because on our calendar, in six weeks you did five races and two of them were distance races back to back.

Andy: That was a crazy month.

Jill: That was, but that was – so here’s what I think is so awesome. I’ve watched you from that very first run that we did in January 2018 where you were like, this sucks, are we done yet? 10 minutes in you were like, this is awful, to being able to just do all these long distance runs and really, your legs are tired the next day but like, most people’s legs are tired the day after. That’s not unusual for what you’ve experienced. And then yesterday – was it yesterday or was it Saturday?

Andy: Saturday.

Jill: Saturday – they’re hearing this too. We’re recording this before we even leave for Seattle. You guys will hear this later. But two days ago he just went for his first 14-mile run and so like, it blows my mind. So when I hear you being a little bit like, oh gosh, my legs are so tired, I’m thinking yeah, duh. And I’m just in awe of what you’ve been able to accomplish.

Andy: Thank you.

Jill: I mean, it’s really fucking amazing.

Andy: I’m pretty shocked myself on what I am able to do and that’s why I keep pushing myself. I did that, maybe I can do more. I did 13 miles, maybe I can do 14 miles. Now I’m like, maybe I can do 15 miles. And soon it’ll be like, maybe I can do 20. Who knows?

Jill: Yeah, well I’m going to need that energy when I train for the marathon.

Andy: Yeah, lots of coffee.

Jill: I know, but I don’t have any caffeine in my coffee.

Andy: You should put caffeine in your coffee when you’re running.

Jill: No. Remember what happened the last time I had caffeine?

Andy: Well, you drank like, three cups of it.

Jill: That’s true.

Andy: And you couldn’t sit still.

Jill: That was awful. I had such a reaction to it. For days afterwards I was like, jittery.

Andy: I would start with half a cup and then go run that off and then see how that goes.

Jill: Yeah, I don’t think that’s how it works though. I don’t know. We’ll see. Maybe I’ll try some of the Nuun with caffeine in it. I’m just afraid of having another reaction like that but we digress. So let’s talk about this marathon that we’re both doing and so by the way, I’ve had the Philadelphia marathon on my list for years and every year – this is the year I’m going to do it and then I chicken out, which is terrible. And so I decided I was going to do it and then Andy goes up and goes and signs up for it and I’m like, shit.

Andy: Yeah, I don’t think I even told you that.

Jill: No you didn’t. And I’m like, wait a minute, you can’t do a marathon before me, so I rushed and signed up for it myself and I’ve been really public about it so now I have to fucking do it. But we are both going to be training for the same race, the same distance, but I think our approaches…

Andy: Yeah, our training is going to be much different.

Jill: And I have a training buddy now. Amy. Did I tell you? Amy.

Andy: Look at you.

Jill: Amy Trixie.

Andy: Don’t have to run by yourself like some people do.

Jill: I know. But the thing is when you run by yourself, you’re a guy so you don’t have to worry about…

Andy: I like having that time to myself.

Jill: And you run twice – literally you run twice as fast as me so. We really haven’t talked about how we’re going to approach this training though because we’re going to do some training runs together, I think. What do you want to do? How do you want to do it?

Andy: Well, we have this canal path, the Delaware and Raritan river canal, or the DNR canal and it’s 60 miles long. It goes from the Raritan river up in central New Jersey all the way to the Delaware river, which is down by Trenton. And so my goal for these long runs, I’m just going to run that thing because it’s at least 20 miles nonstop paths. There are some streets you cross and stuff but…

Jill: Yeah, no traffic.

Andy: No traffic. That’s going to be my training ground.

Jill: So it’s just going to be run 10 miles out run 10 miles back.

Andy: Yeah. Every time I go – I did that run two days ago and every time I go a little bit farther and see a little bit more of that trail and you run by the water, it’s really pretty. There’s turtles. I saw a turtle the other day. He was crossing the path. I helped him out.

Jill: You sent me a picture of that. That was very cute.

Andy: Yeah, so I’m going to see – I’m kind of like, in the middle of it and I’m going to go as far north as I can and as far south as I can. Some of the areas I’m not quite sure about, especially if I go further south but I’m going to run down there and see what’s down there. That’s my plan.

Jill: Okay, so I think that’s a great strategy for marathon training. I’m trying to figure out how I can fit into this because I want to be able to do some runs together so Amy and I will probably do most of our long runs. I’ll probably do most of my long runs with Amy because she’s a little bit faster than me but hopefully she won’t mind slowing down a little bit. But maybe you and I can plan to do our shorter runs together.

Andy: Yeah.

Jill: During the week and stuff. Because we haven’t talked about your training plan. I’m going to give you my training plan, which…

Andy: I don’t have a training plan. My training plan right now is run until my legs can’t run no more and then do it again next week.

Jill: Yeah, we’ll come up with a little more structure.

Andy: I think I need a little more structure in my life.

Jill: But I’m hoping on the weekends where I have a short run instead of a long run that maybe we can go and do those together. I don’t know. We’ll see. But it would be kind of fun if we could just go to the canal at the same time and do our own thing.

Andy: And also, there’s a big hill on Princeton that I – because there’s a little bit of elevation on the course that we’re going to – on the Philadelphia marathon course, so we need to work on hills and stuff too.

Jill: It’s really not that bad of a hill.

Andy: No, and the one in Princeton I think is comparable to it as far as elevation-wise.

Jill: So we can go out together and do hill work.

Andy: And the nice part is it’s pretty much right off the Delaware River canal path so…

Jill: This is so romantic. We’re going to go run up and down hills together.

Andy: Hop off on Washington, run up the hill, run back down, hop back on.

Jill: Okay.

Andy: It sounds awful.

Jill: It does. It’s going to be amazing though. So do you have – well, let’s have the conversation then. What are your goals for the Philadelphia marathon?

Andy: Finish under six hours.

Jill: You’re going to finish in under five.

Andy: Well, and just the finish is also our goal.

Jill: That’s literally my only goal. Actually, I want to…

Andy: Finish with all my toenails. I think that’s a goal of mine.

Jill: I’m envious of that. I’m probably only going to have nine. I got a toenail that’s like, on the edge. It’s going to be gone in a few more weeks probably. Okay, so my goal is to show up to the race start prepared as fuck. That is my primary goal is to be prepared, and then my secondary goal is to finish. And then my tertiary goal – is that it? My third goal is to be able to walk the next day.

Andy: Okay.

Jill: I don’t even care if I come in dead last. I really don’t.

Andy: I don’t really care about coming in dead last either at the marathon. I just want to be able to put the 26.2 sticker on my car. That pretentious asshole.

Jill: I want to wear the shirt. That’s a shirt – because when I did my very first half marathon, that shirt I actually wore it. I would have worn my first triathlon shirt but even though it said it was a 2XL it was probably like a size medium. It was ridiculous how small it was.

Andy: Do you ever see those pictures of people crossing the finish line in marathons and they’re all smiling? How the hell do they do that?

Jill: That’s going to be me.

Andy: No, but they’re like, they just look like they just strolled out of the shower. They don’t even look like they ran a marathon.

Jill: These are probably people that run ultramarathons for fun. So a marathon is just a warm up run for them.

Andy: I’m going to look like, half dead in my finish line photos.

Jill: Wait, so I have a funny story to tell you. So I’ve had the pleasure of being at a few marathon finish lines for other people as well as Ironman finish lines and it’s fascinating the difference between people finishing a marathon and people finishing an Ironman. So what do you think the difference would be?

Andy: I don’t know. Ironman, people crawl across?

Jill: Because in Ironman they do a 2.45-mile swim, they bike 112 miles, and then they run a marathon. So the first marathon finish line I ever watched, people were – I watched so many people cross the finish line, walk to the side, and then just barf. Or fall down. There was a lot of dramatic stuff going on at the finish line, which I was like, what is happening?

Andy: Do you think they’re doing that just so people look at them or do you think their bodies are just like…

Jill: I think that’s literally they just got themselves across the finish line and then everything just fell apart from there. Now, watching an Ironman finish line, I can’t even tell you the difference because these people would cross the finish line and the first thing they would say is, “Where’s the food?” And then they would start to eat. And there was no drama. They would just cross the finish line, where’s the food, let’s go.

It blew my mind. I’m like, where’s the drama? You just went, like, 112 – I can’t even do the math, 112 plus 26, 141, it’s 141 miles total between swim bike and run. And they’d just gone 141 miles and, like, literally everybody is, like, where’s the food. That was the only thing. Or water – but nobody crawled across the finish line, everybody finished with a smile. It was amazing the difference.

Andy: Maybe I should train for a triathlon and just run the marathon part.

Jill: because obviously it’s magical, right?

Andy: Well it’s probably because their bodies are just more attuned to putting that output.

Jill: I think that and also, I think to go to that level where you’re on a course for – I mean, the cutoff is 17 hours for an Ironman. And I think to do that distance, your brain has to be in an entirely different space. So I think to get yourself a marathon finish line, you can white knuckle it and force yourself to finish, even if you’re not properly trained. It’s a terrible idea. If you’re listening, don’t do that. But, you cannot do that with an Ironman. Your brain has to be in a totally different space to do that kind of distance. And so I think there’s no drama with an iron man. It’s just like, I’ve got to do this, let’s get to it. I think the people who have the drama maybe just drop out early. It’s just amazing.

Andy: It’s really interesting.

Jill: Yeah, I think that’s one thing that I’m going to remember on race day for myself is, like, yeah, other people, this is like their cool-down, so shut the fuck up and keep going, you can do this.

Andy: Awesome, it just goes back to run your own race. So you’ve just got to know how to do it on your own. It’s crazy, so crazy.

Jill: Okay, so first of all, before we keep talking, I almost forgot, we want to give a shout-out to Pavel.

Andy: Oh, hey, Pavel.

Jill: So, Pavel, if you don’t know, Pavel and Angela are the producers of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast, digitalfreedomproductions.com if you are thinking of starting a podcast of your own, they’re amazing. But Pavel and I were texting the other day and he said to me, “Hey, I just want you to know…” I’d said I was doing an interview with Andy in a few days and he was helping me with some of the tech setup, because we have a totally new setup, which I think sounds pretty good, so hopefully it will continue to sound good. But anyway, Pavel said, “Please, I love when you do episodes with Andy. I’m still using all of the apps that he recommended in your last episode.” So isn’t that fun?

Andy: Yeah.

Jill: I can’t remember what apps you recommended.

Andy: Oh, it was Down Dog is like a yoga app for your phone which is free, and it’s like different yoga routines every time. It’s a great app if you like yoga. I haven’t been doing that as much as I should be these days. And what was the other app?

Jill: Was that Home Workouts?

Andy: Yeah, Home Workouts, it’s like short little 15-minute workouts…

Jill: Like bodyweight training.

Andy: bodyweight stuff. But you can add free weights if you want. But yeah.

Jill: Do you have any other apps that you recommend that you’ve added since then, because it’s been a while, because that episode was like last fall, I think. It was after the pumpkin run.

Andy:  All these people have missed me.

Jill:  I know, we’re going to get you on the show more often.

Andy: I have really just been focusing on running, and so I haven’t been using too many other apps. I still use the Runkeeper.

Jill: Is that your favorite one?

Andy: Yeah because that’s the only one that I can find that talks in my ear and tells me my time and pace and stuff.

Jill: Strava does that, do you not use Strava?

Andy: No, maybe I should switch over.

Jill: I don’t know, sometimes you use Strava.

Andy: Yeah, the other one I use is my Garmin, but that doesn’t talk to me. I like it when they talk to me.

Jill: Yeah, I agree.

Andy: Then I don’t have to, like, pay attention to my wrist, I’ve just got some lady telling me every half-mile, you’ve gone another half-mile.

Jill: Yeah, I like that. So sometimes, you use that Relive app.

Andy: yeah, but that’s more like a vanity app. Like, I use that to show off my runs and stuff, which is fun to do, put on Facebook or Instagram.

Jill: So, Andy’s Instagram game is pretty – first of all, what’s your handle, they should follow you.

Andy: It’s @_aupps.

Jill: Underscore is like the little line. That always sounds so weird to me, underscore. I don’t know.

Andy: What should I say?  Like, bottom line…

Jill: I think underscore is the right word, I’m just kind of like…

Andy: Line on the bottom.

Jill: So @_aupps.

Andy: Yeah, you tag me in a bunch of stuff too on your Instagram.

Jill: I do, every time we do a run together, yeah. So Andy’s actually been, like, really working hard on his Instagram game.

Andy: It’s just something to do this summer while I have no classes.

Jill: But you’ve been using the Relive app sometimes, which I think is…

Andy: I put that in my stories.

Jill: It’s pretty cool.

Andy: Yeah, it makes little videos of your run, like takes all your GPS information and, like, puts it on a map and you watch the little dot running round, and then if you take any photos, which I like to do while I’m running, put those in with the GPS locations so it knows where you took the picture, and then it makes a little video and you can – I got bamboozled into paying for the pro. You do that free trial thing and then you forget to cancel in 90 days.

Jill: You’ve got to put a note in your calendar.

Andy: I know. Now I’ve got it for a year now.

Jill: So it pulls your Garmin data in? Because you don’t have to start the Relive app when you go for a run, you just import the data.

Andy: Yeah, it uses the Garmin information, like the two apps together. And so then it makes little videos and you can put music in the background. I use it for my longer runs to show off basically. And showing off’s not a bad thing. Even for short runs, like, show everyone that you’re out there doing this and they’re sitting at home doing nothing, you know. Get out there and be seen. I think that’s the most important thing.

Jill: Yeah, being seen.

Andy: Yeah, and that’s what my Instagram is about, just kind of, like, me showing off my kind of stuff and trying to be motivational too and be available to answer questions. And it’s a pretty good running community on Instagram I find. I’ve been trying to get myself integrated into that.

Jill: And so you were just featured in Men’s Health magazine.

Andy: Yeah, that’s right. I did an interview.

Jill: But they didn’t find you through Instagram. How did they find you?

Andy: They found me through Reddit.

Jill: He’s on Reddit all the time. I do not understand Reddit.

Andy: Yeah, I just posted like a before and after picture with all my weight loss and then somebody from Men’s Health, one of the editors reached out to me and was like, “Hey, you sound interesting, do you want to do a write up?” And I’m like, yeah, sure why not? And so it was a Men’s Health weight loss article.

Jill: But then it got picked up and it was, like…

Andy: Yeah, and then I was on msn.com…

Jill: And Yahoo. You were on the front page of Yahoo too. So that was super fun. And I didn’t even know. Like, I’m sitting at home one day, you’re at work, and you text me, like, “Hey, click on this article.” And I’m like, what the hell is this? And I click and I’m like, what, oh my god.

Andy: Yeah, I was hiding that from you.

Jill: You did, you did a good job. I was very impressed.

Andy: I wanted you to be surprised.

Jill: I was surprised. It was pretty awesome.

Andy: It was, it’s a good article. I think there’s a link to that in my Instagram bio if anyone wants to read that.

Jill: Yeah, the before and after picture is pretty amazing.

Andy: Yeah, a lot of simple changes. I think in the article, the guy who wrote it up said simple fixes. Yes, they were simple changes that I made, but it was fucking hard. Simple does not mean easy.

Jill: Yeah, simple, it still took effort and focus and determination, I think, to make all those changes.

Andy: You can hear my stomach growling and I’m just ignoring it because that’s how I live now.  I’m fasting right now, so…

Jill: It’s not like he’s starving, let’s just be clear.

Andy: No, that’s just my stomach being a jerk. It’s like, “You gave me some coffee, I’d like some food.” And I’m like, “No, I’ll give you some water after we’re done with this.”

Jill: Anyway, okay, so let’s see, we’ve been talking for almost 40 minutes. So let’s see, what did we talk about? We talked about us having different approaches to running. And I think the original reason I wanted to talk about that on this episode is maybe to give people some pointers.  So if they have a partner or a friend or somebody who kind of has different opinions about running, what are some of your pointers for people who get into – we didn’t have a conflict. You didn’t even know there was a conflict in my mind. But we didn’t get into a conflict because I didn’t make it mean anything about me other than I need to think about this and he just loves me. But what would you say if somebody doesn’t have that immediate reframe in their mind going on and they’re just hurt and they’re like, hey how could you say that to me? That made me feel terrible.

Andy:  I feel like that’s more, like, your expertise with your life coaching and, because you can only control the way you think about things. And so you have to control how you take this in and how you process it because you’re not going to change what they say. That’s on them to figure out how to say things a little bit more polite, I guess.

Jill: Yeah, but you’re right, you can’t control what other people say and people are going to say shit that you disagree with. And so I think what you said, it’s on you to decide how you want to think and feel about it. And you can get – like, I could have gotten mad at what you said. I don’t think it would have been helpful for either of us for me to get mad because then…

Andy: Then, like, it was such a nice day, it was such a nice race, you know. If either of us were upset, it would have just ruined that whole day.

Jill: Exactly, so I think it was – I think that – and especially for me, for me, when somebody speaks to me and if it’s something that I think, like, why did they just say that? My first reaction is not to get angry and think, how dare you? My first reaction is, I wonder where they’re coming from. Because I like to assume, especially the loved ones in my life, I like to assume they always have my best interests at heart and that whatever they say is because they love me.

And when I come at every conversation from that angle, then you could say some pretty crazy shit to me and I’d just be like, “Oh it’s interesting that he says that. I wonder…” like it tells me more about his brain than it means anything about me. And I think that’s exactly it. Like when you said, “Maybe you should try to push yourself harder,” it told me two things. One is, you in your mind, pushing yourself harder is what makes you feel good about yourself, and so you assume that that would make me feel good about myself. So it told me where your brain was at. And then it also told me, “Oh he loves me because he wants me to feel good about myself.”

Andy: Yeah, I definitely was not saying that you weren’t pushing yourself hard, because I think a lot of people kind of got that notion out of it.

Jill: I think that’s it.  And that’s what I wanted to clear up.

Andy: Yeah, because definitely, I know you were doing hard, but what else have you got in you? That’s definitely where I was coming from.

Jill: Right, and it actually has been making me think, over the past couple of weeks since we had that conversation, that maybe he’s right, maybe I do have more in me and I’m just not tapping it. And then I have to ask myself, why am I not tapping into that? Why am I not pushing myself?

Andy: Yeah, because when we go running together, you tell me…

Jill: I’m always faster.

Andy: You go at a faster pace. And I’m letting you do the pacing.

Jill: I know, isn’t that fascinating that I just do naturally? And this morning, when we ran, for that first mile I was kind of sucking wind, because it was probably almost a minute per mile faster than I usually run. But then in the second mile, I sort of settled in and I was like, oh this feels pretty comfortable.

Andy: You know what – somebody told me that the first two miles always suck.

Jill: I wonder who that was. I wonder if she has a podcast that I could listen to.

Andy: That would be so helpful. But yeah, even my runs, the first two miles suck and I know they’re going to suck and I just do my best to get through them. because once you settle in, you’re on cruise control.

Jill: Yeah, I love that whole concept of just hitting cruise control, because when you go on a five-hour car ride, like the first couple of miles, you’re figuring out where to go, you’re getting up to speed, and then you just hit cruise control and then you just roll. And I love thinking about running the exact same way.  It’s like, once you get into that nice – and then you can just let your brain think about other things.

Andy: Yeah, for me at least, miles three through 10 usually cruising, and then around 10 miles is when I start struggling and where they get challenging is when…

Jill: But eventually, it will be like 15 miles where they’ll get challenging, and then 17 miles. You’re just pushing up against that barrier. You should push yourself more.

Andy: I have to sit here and think about how that makes me feel real quick.

Jill: You’ll probably do a Facebook Live and then send it out to everybody you know.

Andy: Yeah, you’ll be getting an email with my feelings on this.

Jill: I love you, you’re so funny.

Andy: I love you too.

Jill: Alright, I guess, do we have anything else to share or shall we let these nice people go?

Andy: Yeah, I hope we’re not eating up too much of their time. I think most people are listening to this while they’re running, right?

Jill: And also, they know where the stop button is so if they get bored, they can turn this off at any time.

Andy: I know, they can also skip my episodes too if they want.

Jill: I think your episodes are very popular.

Andy: We’ll see.

Jill: You didn’t even bring out the ventriloquist this time.

Andy: I forgot about him.

Jill: To be clear, there is no ventriloquist.

Andy: My ventriloquist act for podcasts that no one can see.

Jill: The irony. Oh my gosh. Alright, well I think we’re going to wrap it up. And you guys, if you have any questions for Andy, you can always email us or post them on his Instagram.

Andy: Instagram, just DM me or, you know, put a comment in my posts. I’ll try to be available to people and answer questions and stuff if you’ve got questions.

Jill: Alright, that’s it for this week. Everything we mentioned in this podcast will be in the show notes, which will be at notyouraveragerunner.com/96.

Andy: I feel bad for anyone who has to write the closed captioning for this…

Jill: The transcripts…

Andy: the transcripts for this podcast.

Jill: I know.

Andy: A lot of rambling.

Jill: There was a lot of rambling.

Andy: I’m going to start making up words, see if they can figure out how to spell them.

Jill: Oh my god, you’re too funny.

Andy: Pavel, spell this word; hegubbahassibeghagha.

Jill: Pavel’s like, I’m on it, I’m on it. Alright everyone, thanks again for listening and we’ll be back next week.

Andy: Have a good run.

Jill: Bye.

Thanks for listening to this episode of The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you liked what you heard and want more, head over to www.notyouraveragerunner.com to download your free one-week jumpstart plan and get started running today.