Ep #322 You’re 50, now what? Figuring out what to do with the rest of your life…

Welcome to The Run Your Best Life edition of the Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a GenX woman whose brain still feels like a member of the breakfast club but the person you see in the mirror is starting to look a lot like your parents, you are in the right place. I’m your host, Jill Angie and we’re gonna dive into all the weird shit Gen X women are facing right now, so you feel less alone and a lot more empowered. Are you ready? Let’s fucking go!

Jill: Welcome to the first interview in the run your best life series, where I speak to experts in the field on issues that affect gen x women! We are kicking off with the one and only Corinne Crabtree.

Now if you don’t know Corinne, she’s a badass business woman who has started and is still running 3 very successful businesses, and she’s on a mission to help women over 55 change the narrative that their lives are over and to instead realize that they’re just getting started.

Today we’re talking about what happens when you roll on up to your 50s and realize you don’t really know what you want to do with the rest of your life. Corinne will help you learn how to lean into and honor this phase of life and start feeling excitement instead of dread.

Honestly, I think this is one of the most important things a woman at this age can do for herself, and that’s why we’re starting off the whole series right here.

So let’s dive in!

Hey everybody. So I’m here with the one and only Corinne Crabtree to talk about what the fuck you want to do with the rest of your life. So Corinne, thank you so much for joining me today.

Corinne: Yeah, I think this is a great topic, especially since I’m getting ready to turn 50.

Jill: Exactly. Right. Exactly. And I think like I mean you’ve started at least three businesses, two of them, probably in your forties, at least in your one of it, one in your early forties.

Corinne: Yeah. My weight loss business, I started in my thirties. And then the business membership, I just started almost two years ago and then my husband and I bought a restaurant earlier this year. So yeah, everything has happened pretty much. I would, even though I started my first business in my thirties, I don’t think I really got serious about anything until my forties.

Jill: And so I feel like a lot of women kind of, and maybe you can relate to this, come to this age, I come to our forties and our fifties. And we’re like, okay, I’ve been doing all this other stuff and now maybe I have more time. My kids are grown or, you know, I’m, I’m sick and tired of the career I picked when I first started out.

And also we’re looking at kind of looking at the second half of our lives and thinking, well, what am I want to do with this? And so. I don’t know. Do you think that there are a lot of women our age who don’t know what to do with the rest of their lives like they get to that like mid forties early fifties and are like Oh, shit. Now what?

Corinne: I do. I mean, I talk to women our age, you know, all day, every day. And that is pretty much the chief, I wouldn’t call it complaint, but the chief confusion. And I think it’s, I mean, I, my situation was just a tad different where, you know, I had a son, but I was building my business the entire time I was raising him.

And so it was very natural for me to be thinking about, like, life after raising him, because I, it’s for me, I was building the thing that I was going to keep doing after he was done, which sounds so funny because he’s 21 for all of you who don’t know, he’s on the autism spectrum, but he he lives with us.

Like, I spent literally half my life wishing that there would be this day where he could just move out and, you know, Chris and I could just be here all by ourselves and all this other stuff. Now that we’re here and, and he’s such a delightful child at 21. I’m like, there is no rush. I mean, you like, really should just live with us and save your money and all the things, you know, it’s perspective gives you a lot, but the vast majority of my clients when they hit, it’s like once those babies get, yeah. to where they’re going to create their own life. I think it’s where women start thinking, Oh my gosh, I’m at an inflection point. Have I been living the life I really wanted and now I can springboard off and do more of it, or have I been living the life everybody thought I should have, or the life that I thought I should be doing, and now that my shoulds are gone, I’m lost.

I don’t even know, I don’t know what to do. And then on top of that. I don’t know if that’s even possible for a woman my age, because then you have all the stereotypical, you know. Women are, but I don’t know how this got started, but women are basically washed up after 50. And I think a lot of us are starting to say, like, I think we’re all just getting started at 50.

I feel. Young now, like, I really feel like the next 50 years will be my best years. I’ve got so much perspective. I feel like the first 50 were the hot mess years. That was the years that I was just trying to figure it out and exploring and trying things and figuring, figuring out who I was going to be.

I was like, I don’t feel like I even knew who I really was until the last year or two. And now I’m ready to go off and do things the second half.

Jill: Oh, I just, I am tearing up, like, hearing what you’re saying because I like, cause I 100 percent agree. I think that has been my experience as well. But I, you know, like, 1 of the, 1 of the things that a lot of my Gen X friends have said to me is.

I, I don’t feel like myself anymore, but I also don’t know who I am. And I think we’re like, we have this identity we create for ourself, maybe in our twenties or maybe even in our teens. And we just kind of like carry that identity through and then somehow, you know, we hit our fifties and we’re going through menopause and lots of other life changes and that old identity doesn’t fit, but we don’t really know who to be going forward.

Is that, do you think that like, is the experience of a lot of your clients or, I mean, even yourself?

Corinne: A hundred percent. So there’s like a lot of my clients, the part that I struggle with and the part that I don’t. So like what I have in common with my clients is I often don’t feel like I used to. I think the biggest problem I’ve been experiencing in the last, specifically, though, I’ve been complaining about it for a year, probably been suffering with it for a couple of years is the energetic decline. You know, I don’t have the gusto I have every day. I used to, I don’t have the focus. So, like, if, if I’m going to be successful, like, I have to be really organized.

And only put so much on my plate because I can’t just burn the candle near as long as I used to, like, I am forced into needing to actually care for myself unlike I ever have in my life. Like, in my 30s, I feel like I just had boundless energy. In my early 40s, kind of the same way. Like, I could, like, I could just redline all the time.

Now, every time I get into a really busy, stressful season, that kills me physically. Like, I have to like, physically stop and so I, what I’ve learned this last year is there’s like, I’ve complained. I don’t feel like I used to, and then that makes me feel like something’s really wrong. So I’ve been really working on that.

The part I think that my clients really stuck with it. I haven’t is I think being a business owner and growing your business has taught me. a lot of independence, a lot of the ability to be able to call your shot to think about who you want. Like, it’s very natural for me to be like, we’re not washed up. We got plenty of years to, like, chase our dreams and start new hobbies and all because I’ve just been doing that for a long time.

A lot of my clients, they graduated from college, they got the job they were supposed to get. They raised the babies they’re supposed to raise, even if they didn’t get married and have kids and stuff, they at least got into a career.

And now they’ve got the golden handcuffs. I’ve been there too long. I can’t leave this kind of stuff. And then they’re at the real inflection point of not only do I not know who I am, I don’t even know it’s like. I almost think every woman at the very core, they kind of know what they really want to do, but the fear that it’s not for them, that it’s too late, that they couldn’t do it, stops them from even admitting, like, a secret truth or desire.

Yeah. And I think that’s where a lot of people get stuck. I have no problems admitting. what my secret dreams and desires are and sometimes I look at them and say, like, yeah, I don’t know that that’s actually possible. I’m glad I, I’m glad I want it. But I, you know, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying you can or can’t have it.

Just really like your reason why there’s certain things I would love to do and I’ve just told my husband, I’m like. That ship sailed, you know, I don’t want the work involved. Like, I want the result. I don’t want the work. I don’t want the, I don’t want to feel stupid for as long as it’s going to take me to figure that out.

Like, and I think that’s a great, like, I think when you can have that dialogue with yourself, it, the very least, you don’t feel like you are utterless, you are. You know, untethered in the world. It’s like, well, I know there are certain things I want, and maybe I just don’t want, want all the work that’s involved.

I’d rather consciously shut that down than to spend my life feeling like something’s missing. I don’t know what it is. And just complaining to my friends all the time that like I’m lost at sea.

Jill: Well, and what, so, so there’s, what I’m hearing from you is there’s a difference between feeling like, oh, I can’t have that and saying, well, I could have that, but it’s going to take a lot of work.

And that’s just not a thing that I want to invest in right now.

Corinne: Yeah. I think there’s a big difference between I can’t have something and I won’t have it. Yeah. And so for me. Like, if I like, let’s say there’s something I want to do and well, I’ll give you a good example and it’s very appropriate to be talking to you about this.

So I run four marathons in my life and it drives me crazy that I’ve not done number 5. Five’s a nice round number. I don’t know why I call it a round number because it’s actually an odd number, but it always sounds round to me. So I thought about it and I was like, it would be amazing. Do your, do your fifth marathon, your 50th year.

Like, I like, in my mind, this was like, you know, the heavens are aligning just for you, Corinne. And. My first thought was, well, you can’t do that. Like, you got too much going on in your, I mean, I’ve got 3 businesses. I’ve got trips planned. Like, there was a lot going on for my next year already scheduled. And then I was like, well, let’s just really look at it.

And when I got down to it, I realized all I want to do is say I’ve been able to do 5. I do not want to train for it. I do not love the damage. It, I am a slow runner. It takes me years to do a long run. You know, if I can do long runs as fast as my best friend, I’d be like, I’d sign up for a marathon every day.

But like, if my long runs are going to be four and five hours, I’m like, no. And they kill me. My body’s not really built for it. It’s just, you know, like every time I try to train for any kind of distance. Like this hip kills me. I don’t care how much PT I do, how much stretching I do. I’m just signing up for an achy hip.

And so when I really looked at it, I was like, yeah, it’s not only that I can’t do it. It’s that I really, I won’t do it. And when I decided to put that dream down, then I could quit indulging in it. Then I could quit like imagining it, you know, and every time I would be like, it would be nice. Like, yeah, it would be nice.

But here’s all the shit you’ve already agreed to that would not be nice at all. And it makes it a lot easier to just to drop some of those, but then I, but I don’t have that knack that I should be running. I should do this thing.

Jill: Yeah, I love that too. And like imagining, I think like we, we forget when we think about the goal, all of the shit that goes into it.

Yeah. And, and then there’s this kind of like, we’re just like, as women, especially women of this age, we are experts at taking on burdens from, you know, from other people, from society, from, you know, from work, from family, like, we’re just like heap it on. And then. And then we’re like, but I want to feel fulfilled, so I need to go after this goal, and then it’s just like yet one more burden that we are heaping on ourselves, and then we don’t even get to enjoy it, because we’re suffering all the way through, so, I mean, do you think that do you think like when somebody is in that position of thinking, I don’t know who I am anymore.

I don’t feel like myself physically. I don’t feel like myself mentally. I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Like, what do you, what are some of the questions that we can start asking ourselves to make sure that we’re not like just picking a random goal, like marathon number five and throwing that in the mix instead of being tactical about. What, what is going to fulfill me and what what is like, what is a stretch, but also realistic at the same time. Cause I think, you know, those are important things to, to factor in.

Corinne: Yeah. I, the, I listened to Brendan Brouchard and one of the things that he always says that I love is goals should challenge you, but they shouldn’t defeat you, you know, and, and I’m a big believer in that.

You know, some people like, you know, you’ve got your 10 X goals and impossible goals. Like there’s the, the group of people that want to shoot for the stars and challenge themselves ridiculously hard. And then I’m in the camp of a goal’s purpose is for me to win to me. It’s like, I want to win.

Jill: wait, let’s just take a moment. Actually. Can you say that again?

Corinne: A goal’s purpose is for me to win.

Jill: Yes.

Corinne: So, and then, like, one key thing is, you know, you gotta define what winning is to you. Sometimes I set goals that are a stretch, and winning is even just getting close. I predetermine that. I do that a lot in business. We have goals that we set in business and you know, the last few years I haven’t met the actual goal I wanted, but every year we’ve made some kind of progress and we’ve come together in a new way.

And just going for that really helped. And we got close, you know, those kinds of things. Some goals are literally like, I want to set a goal. I know I’ll win because I will talk better to myself. And I don’t want to put like, I know the areas in my life where I don’t want to put myself in a position to where if I miss it, I will be an asshole to myself.

You know, I would love to say I’m a mental ninja who can dodge and weave every single barb that my brain’s going to throw at me, but I am not. And I know the areas I’m harder on myself than the areas that I can be more graceful. So I think one thing that would help is for, for women to just ask yourself one important question, which is if no one ever found out about this dream or desire, what would it be?

Like, sometimes I think what stands in our way is before we even can admit something, we are already automatically triggered to worry what others would think of us doing it and we go down the path of like, we cut ourselves off from dreaming because we know, you know, this partner is not going to be supportive.

And, you know, my mama is going to say, like, I sent you to college to do this and I can’t believe you’re going to do that. Like, our friends are going to tell us that’s unrealistic. That’s crazy. Women our age don’t do that. And so when we get so worried about what the peanut gallery is going to say. Well, we don’t even access anything.

I think one thing is just like asking yourself that question. If I wasn’t like, if literally I was never going to go after it and I was never going to admit it, no one would find out here are things. But this is the other thing. Don’t just sit down with a piece of paper and expect a 30 minute session to open up your secret dreams and desires.

One of the things that I do is when I’m working on stuff that I really need to think on. I usually start a document somewhere, whether that’s written in my computer, and I leave it up for like a few weeks. And so I let my brain work on it for a few weeks, and then I just add things because it’s in those, it’s in the small moments, like when you’re showering, when your defensive guard against failing isn’t up.

If you have that question kind of percolating and there’s no rush to make a list, your brain spits it out at you at the most. All at a times, and then you can just add it to your list. Then I think like another important question, like if I was really going to be trying to figure it out, I would just ask myself, what things matter most in the world to me?

Because a lot of times our dreams will be around some of our deepest values. One of my deepest values is taking care of people. I not only love taking care of people, but I like being the one that’s responsible. I always feel like I am like, if you, if you look at my family, everyone, like if you ever asked my family, who, who takes care of everyone, they would always say Corinne.

Like even my own mother would say, well, my daughter, but she takes care of everyone. And it’s a, it’s a learned thing that I learned when I was young from, you know, coming from a single mom and all the things, but I genuinely love it. And when I often, when I look at like my business goals, a lot of times it’s easier for me to shoot for a little bit scary over goal because I think about all the people I can take care of along the way, not just the people that I’ll serve in my membership, but I think about things I can do for my own family things that if we hit this milestone in my business, here’s all the things I can do for my team, right?

Here’s all the things that, you know, no other employer will do for them. You know, like I. Yeah. Like that shit, like gets me off big time. And so it’s such a driver. So I think sometimes just making a list of things you really value, it helps you start opening up to, well, I’d also like to do these things because it would be in service to something that already makes me tick.

Jill: Yeah, I love that. So kind of like start out with that. What is the, the, like what comes up when you know, you don’t, nobody’s going to judge you, nobody’s going to know about it. You know, it’s all, it’s all just a secret in your mind. Like what actually is, is going on in there. Take some time, give yourself a few weeks to, to really like think it through.

And then. Also pay attention to what are your values so that, you know, you can kind of, I think a lot of times if you like have a list of all the things that you could be or do that, like, might even just, you know, tickle your fancy just a tiny little bit and you put it next to a list of what matters to you.

It seems like themes will probably.

Corinne: Definitely, what it’ll do is like connection time is really important to me. Like working on my business is really important to me. That’s like a shared value. My husband and I have so, like, when I’m thinking about that marathon outside of, you know, a fucking busted hip shit like that, you know, training for things like that.

I remember when I used to train for long distances. I would spend like half a day training the other half of the day laid up in bed. I couldn’t be with my best friend, my husband. I, you know, I couldn’t even go out to eat like I would be so laid up and like when I, and then I would spend an entire day that I would not be able to work.

I wouldn’t be able to do something that I love. It’s like when you start kind of comparing all those things, you start noticing what are, because I think sometimes even when you open up the idea of dreams and desires, it’s so easy for women because. We’re kind of socialized and conditioned that our wants and our needs are in service to others.

So even sometimes when you dream, you may still be, you know, populating a few of what other people think you should be doing and stuff. I think when you start putting it with your, like your values and what you really care about. Some of those dreams and desires, you’ll notice like, no, not really it’s, it would be nice, but that’s not what I really want.

But these right here actually do matter to me in many ways.

Jill: I love that. So, okay. So we’ve got like a list of possibilities and we’ve got values and maybe some things are starting to bubble up. They were like, Oh, actually, that’s a thing that. I really wouldn’t mind being public about and it does fit with my values, but then there’s this belief of what like, but I can’t do that.

I don’t have the skills, like all of the, all of the like doubts and so forth that come out of that. Like, how does one deal with that? Cause I think that to me, it feels like the biggest hump to anyone. Wanting to change careers or just, you know, become a different version of themselves is the, is like the doubt.

So how do we get past that?

Corinne: So, I, so 1 thing is lump it into 2 categories. I think that there is doubts and fears that are very much just ego based, self esteem based, like, this is the doubts and fears I have, because like. I think I’m stupid or, you know, it’s too late for me. Like, there’s, there’s doubts and fears that are more just say, psychological based, then you want to have the doubts and fears that are actually practical.

Like, I don’t know how to do that. Like, if you are say your dream is to become a brain surgeon, it, you know, and your doubt is you know, can I get into med school? Practical doubt and fear. That means that you need to like figure out, all right, what are going to be the testing requirements? You know, what all am I going to have to learn and study?

Is this something I can actually make time for? Can I afford med school? Like there’s the practicality of it. So separate the list out the way that I like to think about it is all the practical things decide if you actually can do it, because sometimes your brain will say, I don’t have the time. So that’s a practical thing.

Then when you actually, like my clients all the time say, I don’t have time for weight loss. I’m like, what are we, what are we doing? Let’s, let’s write this down. How many hours a day have we spent on it? Like, tell me the exact things. And then when we actually write it down, it’s like, the way that I teach weight loss, it’s 3 minutes to make a plan for the day. And then how much time is it going to take you to eat the food? Like, we are not taught, like, I don’t prescribe exercise. Maybe I’ll give you 8 hours a day because I tell you, your fucking ass has to go to sleep. But you’re doing that anyway, so you got time for that. So, but then when we actually look at it, we break it down.

It’s like, oh, it’s not that I don’t have time. Now I get to look at all the ego driven reasons why I am not losing weight right now, which is I don’t believe in myself or I’ve never been able to lose weight, those kinds of things. So practical, we solve, we decide, is this actual, like, is there a solution for this?

Is there a book I can buy? Is this just a course I need? Is this? Whatever’s happening over there. That’s always the easiest thing to overcome first. And that will in and of itself, give you clarity, give you a lot of like, like a lot of times when you solve the practical, you start believing a little bit more, but you still got all your emotional doo doo sitting on the side.

That’s when you have to work through some stuff that’s around your belief. It’s like, well, am I really too dumb? Like you just start questioning all the things you think about yourself. You know, you just have to really poke holes in. I’m always a big believer in poking holes and things, you know, it’s like I often tell myself I’m like, you know, like, I’ve always had this idea that I’m dumb and it’s not a story I really believe anymore. But it’s not that like, that thought still comes up anytime that we’re getting ready to solve something complex. I’m always like, oh. Like, I’m the dumb one, like, I’m never going to be able to solve this, and then I have to poke holes in it, and I have to say things like, is it that you’re really dumb, or do you not know something very specific about this thing?

This is where we start getting back into, like, next thing I know, dumb starts becoming practical list items.

Jill: I love this. So, really, like, poking holes, challenging your beliefs in a way that, like, you can break it down and, and, you know, it’s like taking the thoughts and the circumstances apart. Like, what’s, what is true?

Like, because dumb is. Like I am really dumb when it comes to brain surgery, but like, but yeah, like you break it down. It’s like, no, but I could extend that to be like, well, if I’m dumb at brain surgery, I’m probably dumb at this. And I’ve done, maybe I’m just a dumb person, but in reality, it’s like, no, I just don’t have that specific skill.

And I think that. Yeah, then that kind of like lightens it up, then you can move it over into the problem to be solved category instead of the, you know, shitty belief that holds you back kind of thing.

Corinne: Yeah, because like, like just in my business, I’ve always said that I’m really dumb with the numbers. Like, I’m always like, I’m not your numbers girl, like, but you know, if I’m going to run a business.

I’ve got to know numbers. I mean, like, being a CEO and not knowing simple math just don’t go hand in hand very well. And I don’t want to depend on everybody. Like, there are, like, there’s a degree at which I’m like, okay, somebody. Like, who really understands these numbers should probably take a look at it.

But 1 of the things I started realizing is, like, it’s not that I’m not dumb with numbers. It’s like, there are numbers. I don’t understand. And when I started telling myself, it’s not that you’re dumb. It’s like, there are aspects of numbers that you don’t understand. Then it was like, okay, let me ask for some simple books.

Let me go into meetings now and ask more questions rather than sitting back and saying nothing because I don’t want to look dumb. You’re like, I just started showing up in a lot of meetings and what I’ve written like over time, because I refuse to think I’m dumb and started thinking like, there are just things I don’t know.

So let’s see what we can learn. I may never get them all the way, but I know I can learn more than I know now what I have found and my team will tell you this, they will throw up 1000 numbers on a screen and like have complicated formulas, all kinds of shit. And I’ll just be looking at numbers and I am always the 1st 1 to notice.

Why is that number like that? That doesn’t seem like it makes sense. I never know why it doesn’t make sense. I don’t even, I know dick about it other than intuitively, I can see numbers and a miscalculation or a warning sign will stick out like a sore thumb. I don’t know how to explain it. And then usually I take my math nerds.

I’m like, y’all need to explain this. Like what’s going on? And they get into their little form is and. 50 percent of the time they’re messed off and I’m just seeing it and they’re, you know, like the numbers people, the other half of the time, it’s an early warning sign. It’s like, they’re so caught up in the formulas.

No one’s like reading the big picture. So allowing myself not to believe I’m dumb, allowed me to learn a little bit more. And then my beliefs started changing, not because I was actively working on it. I was just showing up different. And then what happened is. Things that started happening that I had to have a different opinion of myself about when I started putting myself out there and I start calling stuff out, naturally, I had to quit saying it. You’re dumb. I had to naturally say, like, well, you’re really intuitive when it comes to numbers. You just don’t know formulas. And that feels a thousand percent better than I’m the big dumb dumb when it comes to math. Yeah.

Jill: I love that because like when you stop calling yourself dumb, then you, you know, and, and first of all, like the people, your, your evidence is the people who are really smart at the math are missing the things.

So maybe like being smart at math isn’t actually a necessary skill for you because you need to be able to be intuitive and that is right in your wheelhouse.

Corinne: Yeah, and it’s just the idea of, I think for all of you, I think when we say things like, we’re dumb, you know, in in self-development world, we wanna go to, I’m smart at this, I’m good at this.

And it’s like, no, I’m not. I have no evidence of that yet. On day one when I’m telling myself I’m dumb, I have a lot of evidence that I don’t know shit about numbers. Yeah. So trying to make a leak there is impossible. And I think that’s where so many women, especially with their dreams, it’s like, if you have a big dream.

Don’t expect yourself to call your shot and on day one be like, and I’m a hundred percent going to get there when you have spent 40 years wiping asses and doing carpools and going up the corporate ladder, you are not going to believe that. But what is it that you can believe? It’s like, if I can believe it’s not that I’m done with numbers.

It’s that there’s stuff about it. I don’t understand. It’s the same thing with your dream. It’s, I don’t need to believe that I can’t have it. I also don’t need to believe that this is a hundred percent done. What can I believe? Can I believe that today I can start working on it and figure out if this is what I really want.

That’s tangible. And I think like when we go back to, you were talking about goals and we were talking about challenging you and don’t defeating you, I feel the same way about learning how to think about ourselves. You need very tangible thoughts. If you want to change your life, you have to do it at a small thought at a time.

We’re not going to, like, I always tell my clients, I don’t carry around lightning in a bottle. I can’t just make it strike at any moment and be like, and here’s your magic sentence. And you’re going to now 100 percent believe in you and never make a mistake again, waiting for you to feel great about something.

It means you’re not going to get your goals, but expecting yourself to feel just a little bit better, a little bit more encouraged, having a little wiggle room each day, that is all it takes to get to your goals. That’s it.

Jill: That’s really powerful, too. I mean, if we think about it in the context of training for a marathon, right, somebody who is just starting out as a runner and wants to train for a marathon isn’t going to run even three miles the first day, right?

Like, all you got to do. Is run a mile and then maybe the next time you run 2 miles and you like, right? Like, it is literally incremental, you know, incremental, increase to, to get to this huge goal, but you never, you don’t ever have to believe you can run 26 miles now. You just have to believe you can do the next training run.

Corinne: Yeah, so I did that all the way to make the marathon happen.

Jill: Bring it. Yeah. Like breaking it down into like, what do I need to believe next? Or what, you know, what can I believe right now? And just stretch the boundaries of that a little bit. It’s so powerful

Corinne: because I think, oh, go ahead.

Jill: Well, they’re just like, you know, women who are thinking like, what do I want to do with the rest of my life? You know, I think like believing that you have to have it all figured out is, is something that’s going to stop you. But like, what can you do that? is just like testing something out or trying something out or even like making a list. Yeah. That we discussed early, even making a list of like things that I might want to do is that like incremental progress rather than saying, well, I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life.

You know, obviously it hasn’t come to me and, you know, lightning strike or a dream. So I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. It doesn’t give you that wiggle room to figure it

out.

Corinne: Yeah. It’s like the only thing you really have to believe in is. What progress can I make today? You know, daily progress. Like, if you really think about most people think about, like, the whole road, everything they’re going to have to do, they’re already looking at the end result and they’re like, oh, that’s so different than I am now. That’ll be impossible. But when you really think about any goal, whether that’s like, like, you know, losing weight, building a business, running a marathon, whatever it is that you want to do.

The only thing that matters is day by day action. Like you, you’re not going to be able to do all the steps in one day. So it literally works that way. We just get caught up in thinking about too much of it at a time. So one thing that shocks people, and I tell them this all the time, like when I was losing my a hundred pounds, I didn’t even believe that I could lose a hundred pounds until I lost 75 of them, 75 pounds down.

It was the first time I was like. I think I could get to my goal weight. The entire time. I did not think I could get to my goal weight. I was just every day showing up being like, well, I don’t know if I’ll ever get there. I don’t know what’s going to, I probably won’t be able to lose all my weight, but today I’m going to, I’m going to do better.

Like today, this is what I’m going to do. And we’re just gonna have to see what happens. Because for me, it was. Like too scary. I had failed at weight loss so many times, like 30, 40, 50 times at least. I mean, I was, I started in my thirties and I’ve been dieting since I was 11. I mean, you name it. I had done it with my mother half the time.

It was too scary for me to even think about that. Even when I was like first starting to build my, when I first really started thinking about growing my business, it was too scary to think of it as being. Really big. I just, every year just was like this year, this is all we’re going to do. This year this is what we’re going to do.

Like I’ve never been one to be the five and 10 year plan girl. Even when I was losing my weight, I was not the goal weight girl. It just wasn’t it. But I think that’s powerful for people because a lot of people think if I don’t believe in it on day one and I don’t have the plan laid out and I’m not all of a sudden doing everything that that version of me who reaches her goal, like, I have to be her on day one. We end up not going for things and where we sit and it’s not even fear as much as we get into eternal wait like we’re on the wait step all the time. It’s like I’m waiting to be motivated and I’m waiting to feel assured and I’m waiting for the perfect time and now I’m waiting to know how. Like we’re always waiting on something. You’re never going to get your dreams waiting.

You will get your dreams though if you’re just like today here’s what I can do and I’m going to just get this done and then tomorrow we’ll figure out tomorrow. For some of us day by day is easier. And then you grow the capacity.

It’s like, I remember when I took it day by day for a long time. And I remember the first time that I was like, I think I’m going to plan my whole week. You know, this week I’m really busy and I just don’t have time to plan. Like it was, that was how I bore, like bore out of me the weekly plan. And I was like, like this week I’ve got so much to do.

I’m not going to have time to get up and do all that. I should just plan all this in one fell swoop. And it was like the heavens opened. But it was because every day I just was dealing with like, what can I deal with today and that work until I got so good at it that my brain was like, hey, this week, you’re going to need another plan.

And it got creative because I gave myself the opportunity to be there for myself on a daily basis.

Jill: Oh, I love that. Okay. But this is a slightly unrelated, but still related question. I’m curious. So one of the things that I hear from, at least from my clients, when it comes to running is like, Oh, I’m too old to learn how to do that.

And I, you know, just in general, I hear from women my age is I’m too old to learn something new. And my personal opinion is that it’s almost easier to learn new things, learn new skills, and try new things at this age. So I’m curious if you, if you agree with that, and if so, why do you think that is?

Corinne: Well, I kind of agree with it, too, because for me, when I was younger I was just not emotionally mature. Like, I lost patience with myself real easy when I was younger, like, I always felt like I had a lot going on, you know, like, when, especially when Logan was little, you know, we were running around all the time. Like, I was trying to do all the things.

Now, doing new things, I feel like, one, I’ve got perspective, I know, like, I know when I am being lazy, like, I know the difference between Corinne not doing something because it’s like, this legit is not working out, like, I, I really don’t have, I don’t want to make time for this anymore and all this other stuff, and when Corinne is just wanting to quit something because it’s hard and she’s making excuses, like, I have so much more wisdom and perspective about how I show up.

I know how to call myself out on the carpet a lot easier than I ever did in my 30s. Everything felt so real. Getting near 50. I’m just like, this is your bullshit. This is legit. Like, like, I just know the difference between the 2. I also think that there’s a little bit of, I think the older you get, the less you give a shit about what other people think.

I mean, for me, at least, like, I just don’t have time. I don’t have time or desire to worry about what other people think as much as I did when I was younger. It meant a lot to me in the first half of my life, and the older I get, the more, and I have really been thinking about this. The older I get, the more I really understand what’s important to me.

You know, like spending time with my husband is uber important to me. I do not want to one day wake up and think, boy, I should have spent more time with him. He’s gone. And so I make time for that, even if that means telling people no now. And I’m like, They just gonna have to get their feelings, butt hurt because like, I now need to do these things.

So I think some of it is just the older you get, you shit tolerance for stuff like, you know, you just goes down. You just don’t, you don’t take it in the ass near as much as you used to, you know, but I mean, I think that’s a few of the reasons. I don’t think every woman is like that, but I think a lot of us are.

I also just think there’s urgency. 1 of the things I love about getting older is I feel the urgency to do more of the things I’ve always wanted to do, because now that I’m on the 2nd, half of life, you know, there’s, and I don’t like, for me, there’s nothing wrong with this, but I just think. I can’t keep saying I’ll do this next week. I’ll do this next year. I’ll do this tomorrow. Like it, there’s a real sense of urgency and it doesn’t come from lack. To me, it feels really useful. It feels very true. It puts the right kind of pressure on me to evaluate what’s really important. You know, some people be like, Oh, you shouldn’t think that way. And I’m like, no, I want to think that way. I want filters in my life. That bring things into complete clarity about where I should spend my time, who I should spend my time with, what I should be doing for myself. I do not want lack of clarity on that. Not when I have just my dream is to live at least to 100. So 50 more years left. Yeah. You got to make the most of it. Yeah.

Jill: And they’re going to go by in a heartbeat. That’s the thing, like, because think about how quickly the first 50 went. That’s that, like, for me, that’s what it’s, it’s been like this sort of awakening to, oh, and when I was in my 20s, it just felt like, like, time was endless.

And I wouldn’t say like, I’m not in a place where I feel panicked now of like, oh, I have to do all these things. But now I’m, it’s, it’s like, It’s like a heightened sense of urgency. Like, Oh, okay. No, there’s only, there’s a limited amount of time left and I want to make sure that I’m, I’m making as much meaning out of it and making it as, and fulfilling.

As much of what I want to do with my life as I can and, and that means like making decisions and saying, well, I’m not going to do that anymore. Cause that’s, that’s just a not bringing value to the, the time I have available. And so I, I agree, like, I think I want to have that kind of urgency as well. And I don’t think it’s, it’s not a negative thing.

It’s not like, oh, my God, I, I have to like, run and do all the things. It’s not a frantic energy. It’s just more of a. But more of a thoughtful energy, I guess.

Corinne: It’s like, shit or get off the pot. Yeah. You know, it’s like, I spent half my life kind of sitting on the pot. And I, I just like, and there’s still things I want out of my life.

Like my husband and I were just dreaming the other day about, you know, we’ve never, we, you know, we, we keep a lot of goals really short, but I said, see ourselves in 10 years. Like, and I’m questioning a lot of things and I was telling him, I said, You know, in 10 years, I think I want a very different life.

Like I, you know, I’m like for the next 10 years, like I enjoy all my businesses and stuff, but I don’t want to be owning a restaurant in 10 years. You know, there’s just certain things I don’t want to be doing in 10 years. There’s certain things I’m. I would love to be a writer, you know, like I would love to be authoring books.

I feel like I have a lot to say. I feel like I have a lot of perspectives on not just weight, but just in life and business and women and stuff. I would love to, you know, share more of it. I don’t care if anybody’s reading it, but I would like to, I would love to see myself being a writer and doing things that writers do.

And I just have like, and I would love to speak on stages, that’s something I don’t really do much of. I speak on my own stage. But I don’t really go out to other stages. Like I would, like, I see myself in 10 years, I guess, kind of helping women know there’s more to life than what they ever thought possible.

Because I’ve been able to do like so much more than I ever was raised to believe I could do. I broke a lot of generational curses in my own family and stuff. And I always, and I know a lot of people don’t like it when you say this, but I always feel like, God, if I can do it, I just know somebody else can do it too.

You know, like one thing that that I do like was, is a clarification on that. It’s like, some people just won’t do it. You know, they may be, you know, you may find that as much as you want to dream about these things, there’s just, you don’t want to put that kind of disruption in your family. And that’s a noble choice.

And I think that that’s great. Like I like my mom, she probably could have done a lot of things with her life. But she chose to take care of me and my brother. She gave up her hopes and dreams for us, and you know, I know she could have done probably anything she wanted because she’s such a hard worker.

She just didn’t do that. And now she’s, you know, luckily I can take care of her. She can just relax and stuff, but you know, she’s like a good example of someone who probably could have done anything, but she decided here’s the dreams and goals I’ll never go after. Because I’ve got these two kids and their dreams and goals are going to be more important than mine.

And I just think that we just have to be real honest about that. It’s like, there’s no shame and not like, that’s when I kind of come back to the beginning. At least admit the things that you want, and then just be really honest with yourself. Sometimes you’re just not, you’re just like, you know, maybe it is a point in my life where I don’t want to trade all this to go for that.

Or maybe it’s like, I’m go at, I know that because. I want to set my life up to be able to do all of that. I just want women to have more freedom of choice. I feel like we don’t have a lot of freedom of choice. And I think that teaching women how to be really free with their choices and like their choices for them solely is such such a nice way to live, you know, no matter what you choose.

Jill: Yeah, I love that. I love that. And I, I think like, as far as making an impact on the world, like teaching women how to write to how to have that freedom of choice. Is, is one of the most amazing legacies that you can leave it really is because that’s right. That’s what changes the world is not. I mean, teaching somebody a skill is amazing and so forth, but like teaching people how to see possibility and go after it is, you know, it’s so powerful and it’s, it literally is what changes the world.

So yeah. I’m grateful that you are, that you are here and that you’re doing the work that you’re doing, because it is important and powerful and, and you will probably never, you know, like, in your lifetime, you will probably never understand the true impact that you had, because, you know, you’ll, you’ll help 1 person and then she’ll go on and help somebody else and help somebody else.

And like, it spreads,

Corinne: it really does. I think that’s important for everyone here to also realize is that, you know. I was talking about this at a, an event I had recently where I was saying that one of my biggest passions right now is my women over 55 it’s, it’s time for like, there’s, unless this generation of women over 55 start doing, like, doing more for themselves, changing the narrative that life is washed up and like all this other stuff, then every generation after you suffers the same curse.

At some point, a generation has to break it. Yeah, we have to just start proving everything wrong. It’s just like my nieces generation, you know, I feel like they’re the, the 1st generation to grow up with some at least body positive messages. I don’t remember any of them growing up. I never remember any of them and being able to you know, see a generation of women with such a different outlook and different exposure, not that it’s all fixed, but at least to getting exposed to different things around their body and weight and food and all this other stuff. You know, that’s what it’s going to take. It’s going to take a generation deciding we got to do things different for the next one.

Jill: Yep. I love it. And I feel like Gen X is, we are well poised to do that. So yeah, I believe it and go, go, well, thank you.

So very, very much. It’s always a pleasure when we chat on this podcast, but I, I, I especially am grateful to you for coming on to talk about this topic. This is actually kicking off our whole series on like shit Gen X women deal with. I’m so glad that, that that you could be here today. And how do people find you? Cause there’s. I mean a million different ways they can find you, but like what’s the best way to get started to learn more? Especially if somebody’s like, Hey, actually now I wanna start a business, or I wanna like change my career. Like how do they get in touch with you?

Corinne: So if you go to nobsbusinesswomen.com. It’s not just for women. Originally, I was just gonna be for women, but I had so many men say, please don’t start another membership where we’re not welcome and I love them though. Our, our guys that are in our membership. We don’t have many because we are very much like an estrogen driven culture, but, I do love them, so they are welcome, but it’s nobsbusinesswomen.com. That’s where people can get business information and you can get on a way. I would suggest getting on the wait list because I write a weekly Wednesday wisdom that is chock full. Of either business mindset or business building tips.

Cause we are only open like four times a year. But if you get on the wait list, you, I, I always try to make sure that that newsletter speaks to someone who is sitting there wanting to start a business and they just need help. So I’m always like, if they never do anything else with me, at least this newsletter is going to be like, this is something they can do this week.

Jill: I love that. And Instagram? Cause you’re pretty active over there as well.

Corinne: Yeah you can go to, it’s Corinne, C O R I N N E, underscore Crabtree. And then that will get you into my main Instagram account. And then from there, you’ll probably see my business account stuff. I’d be real honest. I don’t a hundred percent know what my Instagram business handle is.

I think it’s no BS business women, but I’ve got like several, like I’ve got one for my restaurant and all this other stuff. And I’m like, Oh my gosh, I’ve got too many social media handles to remember now.

Jill: Oh my gosh. Well, we’ll have them all in the show notes and what’s the, your restaurant’s in Nashville, right?

Corinne: Yes. It’s right now. The name is Brothers of Nolensville, but we will be going under a rebrand and a remodel here soon. We’re just pulling the final permits. From the great little town of Nolensville, but it will be called Bollinsville at some point, which is Nolensville’s sports bar where the ballers hang out.

Jill: I love this. I love this. Okay. Very creative. All right. Well, we will have links to to everything in the show notes and y’all follow current, get on her newsletter. She always, she really does. It’s not, it’s. Wednesday wisdom is wild. It’s very, very packed with stuff. I am a subscriber as well. She’s got, she’s got the goods.

So again, thank you so much for joining me today.

Corinne: Thank you.

Jill: Real quick before you go! If you enjoyed listening to this episode, you have to check out Up and Running. It’s a thirty-day online program that will teach you exactly how to start running, stick with it, and become the runner you’ve always wanted to be. Head on over to notyouraverageunner.com/upandrunning to find out when the next class starts. I’d love to be a part of your journey.