Ep #140: How to Show Up for Yourself Right Now

But what are you supposed to do when it seems like it’s the pandemic making you feel scared or it’s the stay-at-home orders and all of the changes that come along with that that are making you feel overwhelmed? When it seems like your family is what’s causing your stress, and if they would just behave like human beings, your life would be so much easier right now?

Welcome to The Not Your Average Runner Podcast. If you’re a woman who has never felt athletic but you still dream about becoming a runner, you are in the right place. I’m Jill Angie, a certified running and life coach and I teach women how to start running, feel confident, and change their lives, and now I want to help you.

Hey rebels. How you doing? What is going on in your world right now? So I’ve lately been hearing from a lot of my Run Your Best Life members that they are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, bored, worried, pretty much all the things right now.

And I want you to know, if you’re in that same place, it’s totally normal. You do not have to be Suzy-fucking-pandemic-homemaker right now, organizing all your closets and making bread from scratch and homeschooling your kids so well that they all get accepted at Harvard. That doesn’t have to be you.

And you also don’t need to be that badass runner girl who’s doing extra strength training and speed work and is determined to come out of this pandemic with a 5K PR and able to do 10 unassisted pull-ups. If you want to do that stuff, fine, but you don’t have to. Nobody is expecting it of you.

And if right now, when you think about doing anything but the bare minimum or maybe even less than that, when you even think about doing less than the bare minimum, you feel kind of overwhelmed and you just want to shut down, you are normal. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. You’re normal. We’re all experiencing that.

So you can stop judging yourself right now for simply wanting to eek through the next couple of months. There is no requirement that says you have to use this pandemic to become a better version of yourself. So if you cannot give yourself permission right now to simply exist, I am giving it to you. It is okay. You can relax. You don’t have to have it all together. You don’t even have to have it 5% together.

If you’re a mess right now, again, it’s okay. But I know that there are some of you that are sort of in between that place of my only goal is to survive the next two months and maybe shower once a week, and I’m going to lose 25 pounds and train for a marathon by June 30th. Those are kind of the extremes, and I know there’s a lot of you that are sort of in the middle.

You’re in that spot of, hey, I’d like to start running, maybe even train for a 5K, something to help me take care of myself while I am doing a million things for everybody else every day, or maybe you’re like, I’m self-quarantining alone and I’m kind of bored as fuck and I want something to do, but I’m also overwhelmed with all my emotions and I don’t know where to start.

So if that’s you, if you’re kind of in the middle thinking like, “I want to run, but I feel like this pandemic is getting the best of me,” then this is the podcast for you. Because I think a lot of us are really in that middle place right now.

We have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this pandemic, and most of those feelings, those emotions are blocking us from taking the action that we want to take, like running, or walking, or strength training, or prepping meals, or general self-care. So let’s talk about it.

First of all, what do you want to accomplish during this time? And I don’t mean like, what do you think that the biggest, baddest, most audacious goal is to accomplish. But seriously, realistically, what do you want to accomplish during the next two months?

And again, if it is to just emerge unscathed, totally fine. But whatever it is, I want you to be really clear on your goals. Know what you want and why you want it. So maybe it is to increase your lung capacity, so that you’re in better shape to fight off infection if you’re exposed.

Or maybe it’s maintaining or even increasing your running speed so you can have a PR in that August or September race. Or maybe it is to start running in a way that will help you manage stress, or maybe you just want something to do that is not binge-watching Tiger King, although that is pretty entertaining.

I got to say, that show, oh my gosh. Actually, before we go any further, there is an Instagram account that is nothing but Tiger King memes. Just follow it. You’re welcome. Okay, but let’s start with what do you want to do with the next couple of months of social distancing and why do you want to do it?

And be honest about why you’re not doing it right now. And you’re going to be surprised at what I say next, but when I say be honest about why you’re not doing it now, I mean, it’s not because you’re lazy. It’s not because you always self-sabotage. It’s not because you’re disorganized or can’t get your shit together.

Those are stories that you tell yourself. That’s your inner mean girl talking. That is not the reason why you’re not doing it right now. But it is also not because there’s a pandemic going on. And if you just got really pissed at me for saying that, hang on, we’re going to circle back to it.

The real reason you’re not doing the thing right now, whatever it is, whether it’s running or something else is because you are thinking in a way that makes you feel action-blocking emotions. And right now, those emotions might be overwhelm or fear or panic or anxiety, or they might be simply indifference or disinterest.

Whatever it is, you’re thinking in a way that makes you feel emotions that block you from taking the action that you want. So remember, we have circumstances in the world and these are neutral. They’re always factual and neutral. There’s a pandemic going on. This is a neutral circumstance.

We give the circumstances meaning with our thinking, and then those thoughts create emotions, and the emotions are what drive or what block our actions. So if you are not running right now, it is quite simply because you have an emotion that is blocking you from taking that action, or more likely, a lot of different emotions.

Now, take a moment right now to think about all the feelings that you’ve had in the past week. In fact, if you’re able to, write them down. If you’re near a pen and paper, or if you’re on a walk break in your run and you can type them into your phone, or even just say them out loud. Name those feelings.

For me personally, it has been overwhelm, fear, anxiety, annoyance, sadness, hopelessness. I’ve had all those emotions. I’ve also felt curiosity, hopefulness, joy, and confidence, and excitement too. I’ve sort of swung back and forth between the positive and the negative, based on what I’m thinking in the moment.

And I will tell you, when I feel those sort of negative emotions, the ones that we don’t like to feel, especially when maybe a few of them come together, I don’t show up for my life the way I want to. I buy a giant bag of Cheetos and a bottle of wine and I set up camp on the couch and I watch every season of 90 Day Fiancé.

First of all, those people’s lives are so fucked up for a brief moment, mine just seems a little bit better. But seriously, when I’m stuck in overwhelm or anxiety, I check out. I do not show up in my life the way I want to. And I’ll be honest, I’ve indulged in that behavior a few times. Just the other night I was just like, I just kind of felt this sense of impending doom and it did not feel good.

And I said to Andy, “This is what I’m feeling right now, I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, but here’s what I’m going to do with it.” And I had a bottle of Prosecco and I was like, I’m going to distance myself from this emotion right now. I’ve indulged in that behavior a few times. I’m recording this on day 26 of social distancing and by the time you will listen to it, it will be day 33, at least.

So you can do the math. It’s happened a few times. But the thing is though, it’s really not how I want to show up for myself right now. I don’t want to drink my way through this pandemic. I don’t want to eat my way through this pandemic. I want to show up with respect for myself and honoring the emotions that I’m feeling, instead of trying to hide from them.

And really, it’s not how I want to show up for you either. I want to help you feel better, which of course means I’m figuring it out for myself first so that I can teach you. But what are you supposed to do when it seems like it’s the pandemic making you feel scared or it’s the stay-at-home orders and all of the changes that come along with that that are making you feel overwhelmed? When it seems like your family is what’s causing your stress, and if they would just behave like human beings, your life would be so much easier right now?

So when all of that’s going on, family is doing things, or you’ve been told to stay at home in your town, I want you to first take a deep breath. Look around you right now. You are safe. You are okay right here right now. I want you to allow your brain to see, there really is no imminent threat.

So once you’ve taken a moment, caught your breath, let your heart rate drop down, next I want you to look at what are you thinking most of the time right now? Because if it is stuff like the world is falling apart, you’re probably feeling pretty shitty. Or if you’re thinking, “None of these people are following the rules, they’re putting us all in danger,” again, you’re not going to feel too good. You’re not going to have emotions that are things like, happiness. You’re going to be frustrated and angry.

Or maybe you think the world is fine but you’re also thinking, “Oh great, now there’s nowhere for me to run because no one’s following the rules. People are so irresponsible.” And when you think that, again, you feel kind of shitty. Maybe it’s a different emotion than when you’re worrying about the world falling apart, or you’re worrying about an elderly parent catching COVID, but it still doesn’t feel great.

So I want you to notice what you’re thinking, recognize those thoughts are not facts. They are simply the thought that you’re having about the pandemic. And those thoughts are causing emotions, so name the emotions that you’re feeling.

Is it annoyance? Is it fear? Is it worry? Is it all three of them? Whatever they are, I want you to take a moment and just recognize that when you’re feeling those emotions, you are not feeling motivation. Those emotions, annoyance, fear, worry, anxiety, all of it, overwhelm, all of those emotions block you from taking the action of running.

Because if you want to go out and run, you need to feel things like motivated or empowered or determined. And if you are thinking the world is falling apart, you don’t feel empowered. You just do not. There is no way that those two can coexist.

So the reason that you’re not motivated right now isn’t because you’re lazy, isn’t because you don’t have your shit together. It’s simply because you’re focusing your attention on all the stuff that isn’t the way you want it to be right now. You’re focusing on everything that’s “wrong.” And I have some kind of bad news for you. None of that stuff is going to change any time soon.

You can be pissed about it or not, you can post a million times on Facebook about how people aren’t social distancing themselves and they’re putting everyone else at risk, but the only one who is suffering when you do that stuff is you. We don’t change people’s minds by yelling at them.

Think about any time in your life when somebody yelled at you. Did you say, “Oh my god, you’re right. I’ve been doing it all wrong?” No. We dig in our heels and we get more entrenched in our own position. So it doesn’t do you any good to be angry at other people who are not following the “rules” because they’re not going to change and you’re suffering because you’re keeping yourself in a stew of uncomfortable emotions.

And I’m not saying you don’t want to helpfully educate people. But being in that place of anger, blocking you from running. It’s blocking you from showing up how you want to show up in this life. And really, it is not other people that are making you mad. You are making yourself mad because you think they should be different than they are.

The pandemic isn’t what is making you feel scared. You are doing that because you keep thinking the world is ending, or you keep thinking that you’re overwhelmed because of all the stuff you have to do. You keep thinking that there’s no way I can do it all.

So I hear you saying, “Yes, but I was so happy until all this stuff happened,” and I get it, and I also hear you telling me that all these people out there that aren’t following the rules are endangering others, that they should stop being assholes, that this pandemic is a tragedy and a disaster, but again, all of that is simply your thinking.

And there are for sure a lot of people who agree with you. And frankly, I’m one of them. I think people should follow the rules and I do think this pandemic is a bit of a tragedy right now. But focusing on that thinking, obsessing over it, going all in and repeating the thoughts in your head, that’s not helping you.

Scrolling through Facebook, looking for people who agree with you on whatever thought is driving you crazy right now is not helping you. You know what it is doing? Again, it is keeping you from feeling motivated. It is keeping you stuck in a quagmire of fear, overwhelm, and anxiety.

And this is some tough love, my friend. You have got to calibrate what you’re feeding your brain right now. You know this is true. Think about how when you feed yourself a steady diet of very high quality fuel, like food, think about how much better you run than when you are eating pizza and drinking beer every night.

We don’t run very well when we don’t feed ourselves well. Your brain works the same way. Garbage in, garbage out. So if you surround yourself with people who are doom and gloom all the time, even if it’s just people complaining on social media, your brain is going to start to absorb those thoughts and generate the emotions that come from thinking that way.

And let’s look at the flip side. Remember when you first found this podcast and you listened for a few episodes and you started thinking, “Huh, maybe I actually could do this running thing,” because you heard me saying over and over again, you can be a runner in the body you have right now. You don’t have to be fast to be a runner. I told you that over and over again. You started to absorb it and it changed how you thought about yourself. It changed your emotions and then your actions changed.

Maybe you started to believe, “Maybe I don’t have to hate my body because it’s not a size two. Maybe I don’t constantly have to be trying to lose weight.” It’s the same thing. What you feed your brain shows up in your thinking.

So if you’re feeding your brain doom and gloom from other people, that’s where you’re going to end up. If you’re feeding your brain the concepts that your thinking is what creates your results, and your thoughts are optional and they are different ways to think, if you’re feeding your brain those concepts, it’ll get to work thinking, “How can I approach this differently.”

Now, I know that you might be quarantined right now with people who do have some really negative stuff to say. And you cannot probably escape them at this point. So that makes it even more important that you find other inputs right now. Exercise your brain.

Find podcasts that will help you reframe from everything is falling apart to maybe things aren’t so bad. And bonus points if you can find places where – gasp – things might actually be pretty good. I mean, I promise, there are beautiful spots in the world right now. They are there if you look for them.

So the bottom line is if you’re feeling overwhelm all the time, if you’re completely stressed out, first, take a look at what you are feeding your brain, what you are thinking. Take some time to listen to your mind. Just eavesdrop on yourself. Imagine you’re listening in on the conversation of somebody on the subway and you’re thinking, “Oh my god, I cannot believe how they’re talking to each other.”

If that’s what you would think if you heard other people saying those things, it is time to really take a hard look at whether your thoughts are serving you. Now, I get it. You’re also tired because you’re managing a lot of things right now. This is a fact. I’m not saying none of this stuff isn’t going on, but continuing to feed your brain a steady diet of this sucks and I’m miserable, or this is too much to handle is not going to make it any easier.

Tell me any other time in your life when complaining about something, either out loud or in your brain made the situation any better at all. And I talked about this right here on the podcast during my marathon training. When I realized that my inner dialogue was just detraining my mojo, especially for my really long runs.

When I was saying, “This sucks and it’s too hard,” when I kept saying those things, I felt defeated and it made me want to quit. But when I found other ways to talk to myself, such as saying, “These are the miles I came for,” it helped me succeed. So what are you saying to yourself right now that’s killing your motivation?

Even if you believe it’s true, even if you know it’s true, does it help you to keep repeating it? What other stories can you tell that make you feel something different? And what emotion do you need to be feeling right now to get out there and run?

Because you cannot change the fact that we’re in the middle of a pandemic. You just can’t. So your choices are either think shitty thoughts about it and be miserable and pretend, “I’m just telling myself the truth,” or you can decide to think differently so that you can feel and act differently.

And I am not telling you to walk around like rainbows and daisies are shooting out of your ass. You do not have to go from this is so overwhelming to I’m so fucking happy there’s a pandemic going on. You can if you want to, but I think it’s going to feel a little weird.

But what I do want you to do is watch your thinking and give yourself a break from just sitting in this shitty place of thinking this is the worst thing ever. There is no upside to believing that this is the worst thing ever. None. There is no positive to believing that.

It feels awful, it makes you not show up in your life the way you want to, not show up in other people’s lives the way you want to. You know it and I know it. So when you hear that thought in your mind of this is so overwhelming or this is the worst thing ever, whatever your version of the pandemic anxiety thought is, just pause and ask yourself, does it help me to believe this thought right now?

Make sure that you see it’s a thought and not the truth, and notice that believing it does not help you. It really doesn’t. There is no upside. So once you can recognize, okay, this is a thought, I believe this thought really hard but believing it is not helping me, then you can start to choose something different.

And maybe it’s to believe, “Well, this isn’t my favorite way to live but I can do it.” That’s not rainbows and daisies but it’s not this is the worst thing ever. You could also believe, “Taking care of myself right now is important to me, so I’m going to exercise, even if I’m not in the mood.”

The story that you tell yourself matters so much because it determines everything. And by the way, this is a great time to invoke the minimum baseline where you do something that helps you create or maintain a habit. It doesn’t have to be the full amount, even if it’s just five minutes, something that you can say, okay, I check that off my list and then feel that sense of accomplishment.

Now, if you do want to learn more about the minimum baseline, make sure you check out episode 102 of the podcast because it is a game-changer. I teach this in detail to all my clients and it has helped a lot of them stay motivated throughout this whole pandemic situation.

So I also want you to know that you can stick with your running routine right now. You can do it. Through all of the social distancing stuff, all of the changes to your life, you can totally do this, I promise. And one thing that I do know will help, in addition to everything else that we talked about today is the Rebel Runner Roadmap.

So it’s 30 days of running support, from teaching you the basics of running to stretching and strength training, to helping you shut down your inner meal girl, to helping to manage all of your overwhelm and anxiety thoughts about this pandemic. We include all of that in this program so that you can actually just get your shoes on and get out there and do it.

So registration is open right now. Class starts on April 20th. If you have been feeling like you are just failing at life during this pandemic, the Roadmap can help you get it back together. Running will help you destress and during this program, you will be absolutely amazed at how you change. How much calmer you feel, and how differently you show up in your life when you feel that way.

So go sign up right now. Head over to notyouraveragerunner.com. The Roadmap is right there in the main menu. Get ready to destress, stop feeling overwhelmed, get fit, and let’s do this thing, my friends. I promise, it is all going to be okay. You have got this. Now get your ass out there and run and I will see you in the next episode.

Oh, and one last thing. If you enjoyed listening to this episode, you have to check out the Rebel Runner Roadmap. It’s a 30-day online program that will teach you exactly how to start running, stick with it, and become the runner you’ve always wanted to be. Head on over to rebelrunnerroadmap.com to join. I’d love to be a part of your journey.